个人简历批改：申请MPA。TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：总体来看，这份简历给人的感觉就是复杂，但是重点不突出。活动是很多，但缺没有什么主干思想，比较散乱，建议将这些活动经历进行归类，然后再有序地进行罗列。另外就是建议将奖学金那部分的内容往后挪动，与课外活动及实践部分的内容互换位置。最后关于描述儿童福利院的，建议补充更多的内容。

原文：

XXXXXXXX

School of Laws

ShangHai XXXXXX XXXXXX, P.R. China

TEL: +86 18XXXXXXXXX

Email: XXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

EDUCATION BACKGROUND

Sep 2009-June 2013 School of Law, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx， Shanghai, China

Major: international politics

Overall GPA: 3.62/4.0 Major GPA: 3.72/4.0

SCHOLORSHIP & HONORS

2009 Shanghai xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, third prize

2010 Shanghai xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, third prize

2010 上海大学生暑假社会实践活动 first prize

2012 Shanghai xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, second prize

钢琴7级 这个本来要写在certification里但没有这一项

STANDARDIZED TEST SCORES

GRE (November 2012)

304+ (V 144; Q 160)

IELTS ( Oct 2012)

6.5(R 7.5; L 6.5; S 5.5; W 5.5)and expected 7 obtained in December, 2012

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES

July 2012 Eco-Forum Global Volunteer

Provided visitors with information counseling services, to help handle with emergencies

July 2011-Aug 2011 Summer Session Student, Chinese Cuture University, Taipei

Crisis management 95 organizational behavior 85

Nov2011 Shanghai WGC-HSBC CHAMPIONS 2011 Volunteer

Preserve public order

June 2010 上海大学生暑假实践活动

As leader of a team, improved together with teammates

Our team awarded first prize

WORK EXPERIENCE

July 2012-Aug 2012 Intern in Guiyang Branch of Industrial and Commercial Bank of China (ICBC) Ø making mortgage loans, including identifying the risks and doing the loan procedure

11-12年寒暑假周末 贵阳儿童福利院 Taught child English

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

总的看下来，这份简历给人的感觉就是复杂，但重点不突出，未能凸显专业深度。看似活动很多，但是没有什么主干思想，比较散。建议将这些活动经历进行归类，精简语句。另外就是建议将奖学金那部分的内容往后挪动，与课外活动及实践部分的内容互换位置。最后关于描述儿童福利院的，建议补充更多的内容，比如给孩子们做基础教学，帮助孩子们做心理辅导等等。