个人陈述批改：申请供应链管理硕士专业。TPO小站综合点评及修改意见：总的来说，这篇PS的结构还是OK的，不够有些地方的处理不够好。比如，第一段的开头，虽然很开门见山，但略显突兀，建议添加一两句讲讲对供应链的兴趣是怎么产生的，然后引出要申请的专业。另外，很重要的一点就是对于学习部分的内容介绍过短。作为在校学生，学习是首位的，对于在校的学习要做补充。

原文：

Personal Statement

applicant: XXX

My purpose in applying for the MS in Supply Chain Management at Olin Business School, is to capitalize on knowledge and ability of practice in supply chain management, which initially provoked my interest in the course operation management. "Operation management" presented a framework of companies' operation and gradually I found supply chain management attract me most and is an area full of potential. Due to the development of China's economy and diversification of people's needs, express and logistic companies emerged in large numbers suddenly in recent years. However, the level of supply chain and logistics management still rests on a very elementary level. For instance, just around my university there are several express companies, but their overall layout and management are rather organized. Besides, accidents happened sometimes, for instance, last year one man was poisoned to death because a pair of leather shoes was polluted by other toxic substances during express delivering, which caused bad influence on express and logistic industry. Thus establishing an effective and nationwide supply chain network becomes a necessity. To achieve this goal, plenty of experts are need to address such an issue. Therefore I strongly look forward to specialize in this area and expand my academic and social horizons in an international academic environment.

During my bachelor study in Jilin University, besides regular academic studies, I participated in an Undergraduate Training Programs for "Innovation and Entrepreneurship of Jilin University named Management Mechanism of Brand Crisis-Taking the Dairy Industry as An Example". For this program, I collaborated with another four students as well as acting as the group leader; I took there sponsibility for drawing up a framework to streamline our research and creative development of strategy. By conducting surveys and collecting information on consumer opinion and conducting a fruitful process of appraisal and analysis, the project was recognized as a by a national-level research body. The process of completing this work offered comprehensive training in research techniques and leadership capabilities. We also included contents about supply chain of dairy producers in our research, though only occupied a small proportion, it was my first time converting knowledge of supply chain management to practical use. However, in today's increasingly globalizing business environment, an outstanding business manager must possess an internationalized outlook; I therefore sought out an opportunity to study at the Public University of Navarra in Spain (UPNA) in Spain. During this one-year exchange program, I realized the significance of cross-cultural experience and understanding, which would doubtlessly, contributes to my follow-up studying.

I highly believe that I could benefit from the systematic and exhaustive curriculum including foundational and specialized courses, especially the project dealing with supply chain in a global perspective, which would train my ability to put theoretical knowledge into practical use. Thus the combination of cutting-edge knowledge, additional international experience and commercially relevant insights available at Olin business school, including the content of would offer major support to the achievement of my career goals. In the long run, I aim to play a senior management role in either a domestic logistics company or a multinational one. Accordingly, my first step following the Ms in Supply Chain Management is to undertake a one-year internship in a logistic firm, for example, branches of mature Express companies like DHL or FedEx in China, in order to expand my skill set and enrich my experience; Olin would provide admirable preparation for such an endeavor and allow me to hit the ground running as a competitive and compelling candidate.

The Ms/SCM program would provide me with the background necessary to instigate such transformative and market-defining results through my career. With the knowledge, skills and passion for management that I have developed through my learning and experiences to date, I am confident that I could both benefit from, and substantially contribute to, Olin's MS program. I would therefore greatly appreciate if I could get the opportunity to join this multicultural and excellent program.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

总的来说，这篇PS的结构还是OK的，不够有些地方的处理不够好。比如，第一段的开头，虽然很开门见山，但略显突兀，建议添加一两句讲讲对供应链的兴趣是怎么产生的，然后引出要申请的专业。另外，很重要的一点就是对于学习部分的内容介绍过短。作为在校学生，学习是首位的，而这篇PS却把重点放在了课程活动了，有失平衡。作为品学兼优的同学来说，良好的专业课成绩和丰富的课外活动都是必须要体现给admission officer看的。最后结尾段，建议增添一些对申请学校及专业的描述，再具体写一写今后的规划。