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How do you start dating after a divorce?
离婚后如何开始约会？
A divorce is a seismic event and a major loss and as with any major loss you will need time to grieve. Here's a few tips to consider.
离婚是一件大事，也是一个重大损失，与任何重大损失一样，你需要时间来悲伤。以下是一些建议。
First, take it slow. You need time to heal. I often give my clients the guideline of at least 12 months with no dating after the papers are signed, a year to get into routines, know yourself and practice being alone and learning your rhythms.
首先，慢慢来。你需要时间来治愈。我经常给我的客户制定一个指导方针，在文件签署后至少12个月内不要约会，一年内让他们养成习惯，了解自己，练习独处，学习自己的节奏。
Second, ask yourself if you really do want a date. You may be so accustomed to being in a relationship that it can seem foreign to not be in one. Be careful that you don't just date to stay in the familiar.
其次，问问自己是否真的想要约会。你可能已经习惯了恋爱，以至于不恋爱会显得很奇怪。小心不要只是为了保持熟悉而约会。
Third, recognize that dating may have changed substantially since you last dated. Online dating may be new for you.
第三，认识到约会方式可能与你上次约会时有很大不同。网上约会对你来说可能很新鲜。
So learn about it: how to be safe with it, how to be discerning. Talk with people you trust who have done it or even seek out formal consultation.
所以要了解如何安全约会，如何明辨是非。与你信任的有过这种经历的人交谈，甚至寻求正式的咨询。
Fourth, don't try and reproduce your marriage. It ended for a reason. As you move back into the world of dating, be clear with yourself about what did and what didn't work for you in your marriage. Be clear on what matters to you.
第四，不要试图复制你的婚姻。婚姻的结束是有原因的。当你重新开始约会时，要清楚自己在婚姻中什么对你有用，什么对你没用。要清楚什么对你重要。
Fifth, be sure that you have a support system which may include therapy, friends, support groups or family.
第五，确保你有一个支持系统，可能包括治疗、朋友、支持团体或家人。
Get solidly on your feet and cultivate those supports before you throw yourself into the work of a close relationship.
在投入亲密关系之前，要站稳脚跟并培养这些支持。
