评论
打印
You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Today we're making breakfast egg bite cupcake quiche type nugget pies, also known as yellow velvet cake.
今天我们做“早餐一口鸡蛋纸杯蛋糕开口圆块派”，也叫作“黄丝绒蛋糕”。
The reason they're sometimes called egg bites is because you bite them, unlike an intravenous omelet or an enema scramble.
这个食物有时候叫作一口鸡蛋点心，是因为吃这种食物要一口吃下去，说得好像煎蛋卷是注射进静脉的，炒鸡蛋是灌进肠子里的一样。
We're going to crack six or seven eggs into a bowl.
在碗里打六七个鸡蛋。
You can also crack them into a box if you want to have a bad time.
如果你想给自己找麻烦，也可以在盒子里打鸡蛋。
If you have semi-permeable shells, you can just kind of throw them right through.
如果你有半渗透型蛋壳的鸡蛋，可以直接把鸡蛋抖出来。
Now we're going to add some salt, a couple dashes per egg.
现在加一些盐，每个鸡蛋上来一点。
It's a myth that salting eggs in advance makes them tough.
事先给鸡蛋加点盐能让蛋液更硬，这完全是迷信。
What makes eggs tough is putting them in karate class, telling them not to cry, making them run ten laps, sending them to bed without dinner, and teaching them that feelings are wrong.
知道什么能让蛋液更硬吗？让它们上空手道课，告诉它们不能哭，让它们跑十圈，不吃晚饭就上床睡觉，告诉它们有情绪是错误的。
That's how you make eggs tough, which we don't want so make sure you treat them with love and respect, which we do by adding in some pepper pepper pepper.
这样才能让鸡蛋变得强硬，而我们不想这样做，所以要确保你用爱和尊重来对待它们，所以再加入胡椒胡椒胡椒。
Now we'll take a perfectly lovely broccoli flower and reduce that into broccoli dust, or bigger pieces if you want.
现在拿一朵可爱的西蓝花，然后把它变成西蓝花渣渣，如果你愿意的话，也可以把颗粒切大一点。
One fun thing is to make a broccoli cube because that's against the laws of nature.
有个很好玩的事，就是切一个西蓝花方块，西蓝花方块违反了自然规律。
Then you can see if you get away with it or if mother nature strikes you down.
然后你就可以看看你是逃脱了规律的束缚，还是大自然把你打倒了。（即能不能把西蓝花切成方块形状。）
Then we'll get some water boiling.
然后把水烧开。
Now scare that broccoli flock into your minnow net.
现在去恐吓西蓝花，让它们涌进你的小鱼网。
Then hold it over the aqua heater for around 300 000 milliseconds, aka five minutes.
然后放在水上加热大约30万毫秒，也就是5分钟。
Then we'll sprinkle that into the eggs like green snow.
然后把这些渣渣洒进蛋液里，就像下了一场绿色的雪一样。
Wow it's Christmas somewhere bad, and 'tis the season to give that a good wang-jangling.
哇，某个倒霉地方过圣诞节了，现在可以来好好搅拌了。（注：'tis是it is的缩写，'tis the season是著名圣诞诗歌的首句。）
Then take out a sheet of cups and spray that with a Forcefield.
然后拿出一张杯子模具，喷上脱模油（注：Forcefield是喷雾品牌）。
Then we'll pour that broccoli egg elixir into these matrix pods.
然后把西蓝花鸡蛋溶液倒入这些矩阵坑中。
Don't fill them up too full because they're going to expand like alien babies.
不要倒得太满，因为蛋液之后会像外星婴儿一样膨胀变大。
Fun fact: muffin cups aren't tapered to make muffins easy to get out.
一有趣的事实：松糕杯子做成上粗下细的样子并不是为了让松糕更容易拿出来。
They're tapered to make muffins look bigger so they can charge you more money.
做成这个样子是为了让松糕看起来更大，这样就可以收你更多的钱。
The muffin industry is honestly worse than the mafia.
松糕行业真的比黑手党还可怕。
They'll break your legs with a rolling pin.
卖松糕的会用擀面杖打断你的腿。
Don't ask me why muffin makers have rolling pins.
别问我为什么卖松糕的有擀面杖。
Now we'll grab a cheese dismantler and start reducing it into wilder, freer, better, faster cheese pieces.
现在拿起奶酪拆分器，把奶酪切成更狂野、更自由、更好、更快的奶酪碎。
When you add the cheese, just think about when you're shingling your roof and you need around nine nails to finish the job before you can knock off and grab a cold one.
加入奶酪时，想象你在屋顶上铺瓦片，再钉九个钉子活儿就干完了，然后就能拿瓶冷饮喝。
That's about how much cheese you need more or less.
差不多这么多奶酪就行了。
All right boys, we're done here, except we're not done here because now we'll throw them in the volcano cube for around 13 to 18 minutes.
好了，兄弟们，做完了，其实还没有做完，因为要把它们放进火山立方体烤大约13到18分钟。
Once they puff up to maximum altitude, they're done.
等到它们膨胀到最大高度，就烤好了。
You can easily determine maximum altitude by taking a level, attaching it to a tripod, pointing it towards the muffins, adjusting the height to make it perfect,
确定最大高度很简单，拿一个水准仪，把它固定在一个三脚架上，水准仪指向松饼，调整到合适高度，
attach a string and extend that towards the endo, making sure it's perfectly level, and by then around 13 minutes should have passed so you should be good.
系上一根绳子，把绳子拉长到烤箱，确保绳子完全水平，整套做完应该13分钟已经过去了，所以差不多就烤好了。
Then you can slide them out.
然后把点心从烤箱里拿出来。
If they're still jiggly, they're not done.
如果蛋液还在晃动，那就说明还没烤好。
They're just having a good time.
它们在烤箱里玩得挺开心。
Oh yeah, this recipe is in my book.
哦，对了，这个食谱在我的书里有写。
But don't feel like you have to buy my book.
但千万不要感觉你非得买我的书不可。
We're going to crack more eggs.
再打几个鸡蛋。
Use a bigger piece of shell for the rescue operation.
用大蛋壳来捞小蛋壳，完成救援行动。
Crisis averted.
危机解除。
Salt, triple P, wang-janglify.
加入盐，胡椒胡椒胡椒，搅拌。
Take a tomato, use a magnifying glass to dry it out.
拿一个西红柿，用放大镜把它晒干。
Chop those up, grab a big chive and smash that into smaller ones.
把番茄干切碎，拿一个大香葱，然后把它切成小段。
Then smash one of those into smaller ones.
然后把其中一个小段切成更小的丝。
Chop some of those up, crumble in some feta cheese, not to be confused with fetish cheese.
切一些葱花，加入一些羊乳酪碎片，是羊乳酪，不是恋足癖奶酪。（注：feta谐音fetish）
Wang-jangle, spray on some seasonal snowfall.
搅拌，喷上圣诞季雪花。
Then pour those ingredients into the open-air baking prison cells.
然后把这些原料倒入露天烘焙监狱牢房。
Redeploy the floaty things more evenly.
把漂浮的碎片颗粒重新分布得更均匀一点。
Toss them in the hell box and bam, more egg bites.
放入地狱烤箱，然后达拉：新一批“一口鸡蛋点心”就烤好了。
But we're not done, friends.
但还没结束，朋友们。
Yet again more eggs, salt, triple P, ham, green onion, asiago.
再打一些鸡蛋，加入盐、胡椒胡椒胡椒、火腿、大葱、阿夏戈奶酪。
Wang-jang, thank you, mang.
搅拌，多谢，兄弟们。（注：wang-jang即wang-jangle，mang即man，为了押韵。）
The reason the shredded cheese goes inside this one instead of on top is a mystery.
做这个点心，碎奶酪要放进馅里，而不是放在上面，真是一个谜。
Spray on some spray, pour the goop into the thing, throw the thing into the cold reducer and bam, even more muffins that are definitely not muffins.
喷上油，把粘液倒进模具里，把模具扔进冷减速箱，然后达拉：新一批不是松糕的松糕就做好了。
Now we have an assortment of beautiful breakfast muffin type things.
现在我们有了各种口味的类似早餐松糕的东西。
Only thing left to do is spread mayonnaise on them and trick your kids into thinking they're frosted cupcakes.
最后一步就是在上面涂上蛋黄酱，然后骗你的小孩，让他们以为这是糖霜纸杯蛋糕。
Douglas, I'm worried.
道格拉斯，我很担心。
Worried about what?
担心什么？
I'm worried he might never finish this damn thing.
我担心这个货会做饭做个没完。
