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You're good at cooking and you're totally cool!
你的厨艺棒极了，超级超级棒!
Today we're making Gregg's bean dip. This was a recipe given to me by my friend, Gregg.
今天我们做格雷格的豆子酱。这个食谱是我朋友格雷格给我的。
Greg is also known as "The Greggulator".
格雷格有个外号叫“食谱警察”。
And... if you FUCK with his recipe,
你要是瞎做他的食谱，
he will show up to your house and he will scream at you at the top of his lungs, so you've been warned.
他会找到你家里来，恨不得把肺都吼破。好的我已经警告过你了。
Gregg says dice an onion, we're gonna dice an onion.
格雷格说把洋葱切成丁，所以我们就切丁。
BOOM!
变!
Wash and drain a can of black beans.
一罐黑豆淘水并把水沥干。
If you take some black beans, and put them on your cutting board,
你可以拿一些黑豆，倒在砧板上，
And you hum a frequency and touch the cutting board, the vibration will transfer to the board and show you the pattern of the sound wave, like this:
然后哼一个声音，并且手要接触砧板，这个震动会传到砧板上，然后黑豆会显示出声波的样子，就像这样:
Shakey's REALLY interested in what's going on here. Hey buddy!
小狗摇摇真的很好奇这里在作什么妖。嘿，哥们儿!
Now Gregg says to sauté the onion.
格雷格说把洋葱炒一下。
If I can quote his text message, he said: It's all about cooking the ever living fuck out of everything. So,
我转述一下他给我发的信息原话，他说: 就是把所有活的东西都搞熟。
let's cook the ever living fuck out of this oven. Oven? Onion!
所以我们接下来把烤箱搞熟。烤箱？洋葱!
Speaking of the F word, I've got a voice message from my dad the other day that I would like to play for you.
说到某个词，我有一次收到我爸的一条语音短信，我放给你们听一下。
"The other thing I wanted to mention is that you know I think the product is really good.
"还有一件事就是，我觉得你的作品都很棒。
I think you need to become more creative in terms of your 'salty language.'
但我觉得你在'爆粗口'方面可以再有创意一点。
It, um, would add more to it, um. It's kind of gratuitous in the circumstances."
这样会更好。嗯，在这种情况下脏话有点没必要。"
Jesus Dad, why don't you stop busting my fucking balls on the internet?
天啊，老爸，你就别管我在网上说什么了。
Let's remember Dad, you're the person who once said: Mel, could you check in The Google?
要记住，你当时还说: 梅尔，你去谷歌上查一下行吗?
But you know what? I'm gonna take your advice and I'm just going to incorporate swear words from your era, I think it's like, probably the '20s?
反正，我会接受你的建议，我会用你们那个年代的脏话，好像是20年代？
If you ask me, this is a bunch of flapdoodle! Bejabbers! These onions look like they're coming along nicely!
你要问我的话，这都是什么乱七八糟，乌七八糟的! 洋葱看起来不错啊。
Let's throw the beans in.
然后把豆子倒进去。
That sizzle tells you it's cooking.
这个嘶嘶的声音说明东西在变熟了。
Agh, now I've gone ahead and friggin' burned this! I've had enough of this taradiddle!
啊，我现在要糊锅了，我真是受够了这些乌龙。
Add a teaspoon of cumin, garlic. Don't waste your time chopping, buy this shit.
加一勺孜然，一勺大蒜。别浪费时间剁蒜了，直接买这个。
Brown sugar, And some pepper pepper pepper. And some salt.
再加黄糖，胡椒胡椒胡椒，和一些盐。
After beans get all nice and toasty, add a healthy amount of your favorite hot sauce and some water to make it all soupy.
豆子炒好后，适量加入你最爱的辣椒酱和水，让它变稀一点。
Sounds good!
听起来不错。
Here's some hot sauce.
来些辣椒酱。
Golly gee, I'm not sure if that constitutes soupy,
天啊，我不确定这算不算稀。
So Gregg says, after the water reduces a bit, making everything all mushy, cut up cubes of cheese, which are then melted within it.
格雷格说，水煮干一点后，锅里变成糊糊后，切几块芝士，融入锅里。
Gregg didn't specify the cube size, so I went with uh, some two millimeter cheese cubes, and some five millimeter cheese cubes as well.
格雷格没说多大的芝士块，所以我切了几块2毫米的，还有几块5毫米的。
And I threw in some seventeen millimeter cheese cubes, and...
然后我还要丢进去几块17毫米的芝士，
then I also threw in some thirty-eight millimeter cheese cubes. So, hopefully we covered the bases here.
还有几块38毫米的。所以，希望这样就万无一失了。
Clearly I made these cubes too big. It's a bunch of codswallop!
显然芝士块太大了。真是乱七八糟。
Cumin makes everything so awesome! So there's one final instruction:
孜然能让所有东西都变好吃。最后一条教程：
"Pour everything into a pie tin. Put it on 300 degrees in the oven for a bit with some cheese on top. Delicious," says Gregg.
"把这些倒进烤盘，烤箱300度烤一烤，上面加些芝士。美味无敌。"格雷格说。
But you know what? To be honest, it is complete like this. You don't need to be all fancy and shove this in an oven, and pretend you're Martha Stewart, you can...Hello?
其实，说真的，这样就可以了。不需要太花哨，还把它放进烤箱，假装你是什么美食作家，就直接......谁啊？
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
你知不知道你在干什么?!
Gregg, calm down.
格雷格，冷静一下。
DON'T FUCK WITH MY RECIPE!!!
不要，瞎搞，我的食谱!!!
It's already full of flavor!
现在味道已经很好了。
DO NOT FUCK WITH MY BEAN DIP!!!!!
不要，瞎搞，我的豆子蘸酱!!!!!
Let go of my camera!
把相机还给我!
DO NOT FUCK WITH MY...
不要，瞎搞，我的......
Bean dip, it's not mean dip.
豆子酱，不是肚子酱。
Unless I punch it in the face with it, then I'd call it mean dip.
除非我一拳打在你的肚子上，那才叫作肚子酱。
Throw it on the floor, you can't call it clean dip.
把酱倒在地上，就变成了脏脏酱。
Put some bleach in it, you got pristine dip.
倒些漂白粉进去，就变成了白白酱。
Bean dip, it's not green dip.
豆子酱，不是绿色酱。
Tilt the bowl to the left a bit, and you can call it lean dip.
把碗往左边倾斜，就变成了斜斜酱。
Don't tip it too much, or you'll get it on your jeans dip.
别倾斜得太多，不然就有了牛仔裤酱。
Make it disappear, you got the prestige dip.
让它消失，就有了特优酱。
Hike up a mountain with it, then you got serene dip.
带它去爬山，就有了清新宁静酱。
Let it live its life, don't intervene dip.
让它过自己的生活，不要打扰酱酱。
Put it on an airplane, take it on a bean trip.
让它去坐飞机，来一次豆子旅行。
Throw in some sweet chromosomes, you got good genes dip.
加入一些香甜染色体，就有了好基因的酱。
Bean dip, it's not sardine dip.
豆子酱，不是沙丁鱼酱。
Mix it with some java and you got caffeine dip.
加入一些咖啡，就有了咖啡因酱。
Winter's coming, so don't let it freeze dip.
冬天要来了，不要让酱冻住了。
Give it to my dad, call it the bees' knees dip.
把它给我老爸，名字叫一等一的酱。
Takes away your pain just like codeine dip.
像可待因一样，它让你的疼痛消失。
I'm worried, don't you get addicted to that bean dip.
我开始担心，你会不会对豆子酱上瘾。
Don't become a strung out bean dip junkie who just needs to borrow money 'cause they just can't get enough of that...
别变成一个豆子酱瘾君子，到处借钱，因为怎么也吃不够这些......
Bean dip, let's run away together forever.
豆子酱，让我们一起私奔吧。
No one will understand, so take my haaaaaaaand.
没人会明白，快牵着我的手。
Now I've got, bean dip all over my hand.
现在我满手都是豆子酱。
Maybe this wasn't the best idea that I've ever haaaaaad.
或许这不是什么好主意。
Bean dip, you're the queen dip.
豆子酱，你是女王酱。
I could rub you on my skin, but you're not sunscreen dip.
我想把你涂在我的皮肤上，可是你不能防太阳。
Keeps you running like gasoline dip.
它让你能继续飞奔，像石油一样。
Eat enough and it will help you with your self-esteem dip.
多吃一些豆子酱，你会更有自信。
Bean dip, you got a nice sheen dip.
豆子酱，你光彩明亮。
You live above the water 'cause you're not a submarine dip.
你在水上，因为你不是潜水酱。
Let's save the whales, yeah we got marine dip.
我们区救鲸鱼，我们有海洋酱。
Your heart will go on just like Celine dip.
你心永恒，就像席琳迪翁一样。
Bean dip, you're a sweet dip.
豆子酱，甜美的酱。
You're bean dip. Oh, bean dip. Yeah, bean dip. Oh, bean dip, yeah aaaaahhhh...Bean dip.
你是豆子酱，哦，豆子酱。耶，豆子酱，哦，豆子酱。耶......豆子酱。
