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All right, today we're gonna make gingerbread.
好的，今天我们要做姜饼。
We're gonna start by taking half a cup of butter, and three-quarters a cup of packed brown sugar.
首先倒入半杯黄油和四分之三杯压实的黄糖。
Son of a bitch, I broke my bowl.
混蛋，我把碗打破了。
Then we're just gonna use an electric wang-jangler until it's all fluffy.
然后用电动搅拌机，把它打到松软。
It's like the texture of frosting.
看起来像糖霜的质地。
We're gonna take a third of a cup of molasses, you can also use straight-up road tar.
再倒三分之一杯糖蜜，你也可以用质量可靠的沥青替代。
This stuff is as slow as thick water.
这玩意儿像“浓水”饮料一样粘稠。
A large faceless egg. And a little bit of water.
加入一个无脸大鸡蛋，再加一点水。
Keep in mind you only need minimum wanglitude to get this together.
请记住，只需要最低的搅拌力度就可以把这些东西混合在一起。
Feel free to de-spatulize the sides.
碗壁上的也可以刮干净。。
Hey!
站直了!
Now in another bowl, around two and a half cups of all-purpose flour, a teaspoon of baking soda, half a teaspoon of salt, couple of teaspoons of ground ginger, half a teaspoon of ground nutmeg, "exactly" half teaspoon of cinnamon, throw in half a teaspoon of that pumpkin pie spice, could also use allspice.
现在在另一个碗里，倒入大约两杯半的低筋面粉，一茶匙小苏打，半茶匙盐，几茶匙生姜粉，半茶匙肉豆蔻，精确的半茶匙肉桂，再加上半茶匙南瓜派香料，也可以用多香果。
You could also put in cumin, it won't taste good though.
你也可以放入孜然，但味道不会很好。
We'll use a neolithic wang-jangler on this stuff.
搅这些东西就用新石器时代搅拌器吧。
Now make sure to introduce the powder slowly while you're wang-jangling. Otherwise you will end up with a clumpy bowl of regret.
现在，一边搅拌一边一定要慢慢地加入粉末，否则你最后会得到一大碗让你后悔的东西。
Come on, electric wang-jangler, I know you've got in in you!
来吧，电搅拌器，我知道你有本事！
It's gooey, it's combined perfectly, we did it!
粘糊糊的，完美融合，我们做到了！
Now form this into a steaming pile of gingerbread dough.
现在把这一坨做成热气腾腾的姜饼面团。
And we'll take some plastic wrap, and we'll drop it on there.
铺一张塑料薄膜，把它扔上去。
Into a disc, and we'll put the blanket over and make it cozy.
压成扁扁的盘子形状，盖上毯子，让它舒舒服服的。
And we're gonna chuck this in the fridge for an hour.
然后把它扔在冰箱里，放一个小时。
Now put this stuff in the sink for 24 hours and see if you get lucky.
把这堆东西放在水槽里24小时，看看有没有好事发生。
I haven't been feeling too good lately, so I'm gonna whip up a hot toddy, which is basically medicine.
我最近不太舒服，所以我要冲一杯热甜酒，这种酒基本上就是一种药。
You take a cup of hot water, some fresh squeezed lemon juice, some fresh squeezed honey, and some fresh squeezed whiskey.
倒一杯热水、一些鲜榨柠檬汁、鲜榨蜂蜜和鲜榨威士忌。
If you don't drink, just skip the whiskey.
如果你不喝酒，可以不加威士忌。
Besides, some people say it makes you want to fight. I don't think it's true, but...
而且，有些人说喝了威士忌会让你想打架。我觉得这是瞎说，但是……
Oh, Christmas dove, I can never punch...
哦，圣诞鸽子，我从来不会打……
You should be able to treat this like a wheel.
面饼冻到能当轮子使就可以了。
But you should never treat your dough like that.
但面团一定不能揉成这个样子。
And let's also flour our cylindrical compression tube.
把圆柱压面管上也抹点面粉。
Roll it out until it's the thickness of approximately 1 gingerbread cookie.
把它擀开，直到厚度大约有一块姜饼饼干那么厚。
Now, you can take a gingerbread man cookie cutter, and press that in, then throw it on your pan.
现在，可以拿一个姜饼人模具，把它压进去，然后扔到烤盘上。
But are you gonna feel good about yourself tomorrow? Probably.
但这样的话明天你会觉得自己很棒吗？可能吧。
Personally, I don't need the man telling me how to cut my gingerbread man.
就我个人而言，我不需要别人告诉我怎么切出一个姜饼人。
You know what I mean?
你知道我要怎么做吗？
I'm gonna cut it myself, the way Jesus would have done it.
我要自己切，就像耶稣也会自己切那样。
Oh, look! A gingerbread pineapple! Yeah!
哦，看啊！姜饼菠萝！好棒！
Oh, wow! A gingerbread hammer! Yes please, I appreciate hard work.
哦，哇！姜饼锤子！很好，谢谢，我很欣赏努力的工作。
Got the ungo on three fungo, and we're gonna bake those for 8-10 minutes.
烤箱300度，烤8至10分钟。
So we got the classic gingerbread man, which is great, if you're a lazy f*ck.
现在我们有了经典姜饼人，很好，如果你是个懒人的话。
We've got the awesome gingerbread man, lookin' awesome. Kind of like The Thing.
我们还有一个超棒的姜饼人，看起来超棒。有点像某种东西。
Got a gingerbread pineapple, looking citrusy.
有一个姜饼菠萝，看起来像有点像柑橘。
Gingerbread Hammer, you could actually use that if you wanted to.
姜饼锤，还真的可以当锤子用。
Um, I think that was supposed to be a gingerbread ghost.
呃，我想这应该是个姜饼鬼。
It does look pretty scary, but not as scary as gingerbread Slenderman.
看起来确实有点恐怖，但这个更恐怖：姜饼瘦长鬼。
Got the Illuminati, a realistic quarter, a loaf of gingerbread.
还有光明会徽章，一个逼真的硬币，一块姜饼。
We've got gingerbread dog/moose/dinosaur/nightmare.
还有姜饼狗/驼鹿/恐龙/噩梦。
We've got the gingerbread human centipede, gingerbread monster truck, and gingerbread centaur.
还有姜饼人形蜈蚣，姜饼怪兽卡车，姜饼半人马。
It's kind of like the ultimate battle of monster truck versus centaur.
有点像怪物卡车与半人马的终极大战。
If you're bad at wrapping gifts like I am, there's a far easier way to do it.
如果你像我一样不擅长包装礼物，还有一种简单得多的办法。
You just trace the side of the box, cut out the rectangle, and just glue it straight on to the box. It's really easy.
沿着盒子四周画出轮廓，把长方形剪下来，然后直接粘在盒子上。非常简单。
And the more different kinds of paper you use, the better it looks.
而且你用的纸越多样，就越好看。
You can also use a variety of glues.
你也可以使用各种各样的胶水。
What are you doing Pimblokto?
你在干什么，平不洛克多？
I didn't mean it!
我不是故意的！
You didn't mean it? Like you didn't mean the grilled cheese sandwich?
你不是故意的？就像你说你不是故意做烤奶酪三明治？
Like you didn't mean the chocolate peanut butter balls?
你不是故意做巧克力花生酱黄油丸子？
Like you didn't mean the cereal?
你不是故意倒麦片？
Like you didn't mean the craft supplies all over the place?
你不是故意把手工用品撒得到处都是？
I apologize.
我道歉。
You're gonna have to find a place to live, Pimblokto.
你得找个别的地方住了，平不洛克多。
I only wanted to...Please just go!
我只是想...请离开吧！
I was making the pizza for you!
我想给你做披萨来着！
The good thing about this is it saves a lot of paper, and it wastes a lot of glue.
这个办法的好处是节省了大量纸张，浪费了大量胶水。
That's looking pretty good.
看起来挺不错的。
So, I'm just gonna slide this under the tree.
所以，我把它放到树下吧。
A robot? Wow! I'm calling it Pimblokto!
机器人？哇! 我要给它取个名字，就叫平不洛克多！
Come on, Pimblokto, over here!
快点，平不洛克多，快来！
Pimblokto, you're my best friend!
平不洛克多，你是我最好的朋友！
Hey, let's build a fort!
嘿，我们来建个堡垒吧！
Good job, Pimblokto! We're gonna be friends our whole lives!
干得好，平不洛克多！我们一辈子都是好朋友！
I'm coming for you, buddy!
我来找你了，兄弟！
Pimblokto?
平不洛克多？
Pimblokto!
平不洛克多！
Hello.
你好。
Pimblokto, how are you buddy?
平不洛克多，你还好吗？
I'm so cold.
我好冷。
I don't get how that's possible.
我想不通你怎么可能会感到冷。
And hungry.
而且好饿。
Wow, that's confusing.
哇，这真很不可思议。
I didn't quite catch that, are you okay?
我没听清你在说什么，你还好吗？
Okay, so you're good.
好的，所以你很好。
Oh, you're not good?
哦，你不好吗？
Do you wanna come inside, Pimblokto?
你想进屋里来吗，平不洛克多？
I want to go...
我想去......
Pimblokto? Pimblokto? Pimblokto? Noooooo!
平不洛克多？平不洛克多？平不洛克多？不！！！
Then what happened?
然后发生了什么？
Well, he died.
他死了。
What? He did?
什么？死了？
Well, yeah, he died, I mean, I threw him in the garage, And hopefully he'll thaw out in the spring but uh, yeah.
是的，他死了。我是说，我把他扔进了车库，希望他明年春天能解冻把，但是，对，他死了。
Well that's really sad.
嗯，真的很令人难过。
Those are for guests, Devon!
那是给客人准备的，德文！
Oh, OK.
哦，好吧。
By the way, I got you your Christmas present.
对了，我给你买了圣诞礼物。
Wow.
哇哦。
Merry Christmas, buddy!
圣诞快乐，兄弟！
