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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Today we're making carrot cake, which is a cake that contains flour and obviously sugar.
今天我们做胡萝卜蛋糕，显然就是一种含有面粉和糖的蛋糕。
The first thing you'll have to do is decide what kind of carrots you want to use.
首先要决定你要用哪种胡萝卜。
You can use a carrot log, or a carrot cone, or a carrot with a bottom handle.
可以用胡萝卜木头、胡萝卜锥，或者下面有手柄的胡萝卜。
You can use cupboard carrots and you can even use fresh baby carrots, or you can use good old-fashioned regular carrots.
可以用橱柜里长的胡萝卜、新鲜的胡萝卜宝宝，或者上好的老式普通胡萝卜。
Just make sure you're using carrot and not car-rot because that will taste a bit rusty.
只要确保你用的是胡萝卜而不是"腐烂汽车"就行了，因为烂掉的汽车尝起来像铁锈。
Fun fact: because of their strong target exterior, carrots are like a form of armor.
有趣的冷知识：因为胡萝卜的外皮很坚硬，所以就像盔甲一样。
If you have a finger injury, you can carve out a hole and then just wear that protective carrot shield so your finger won't get hurt.
如果你的手指受伤了，可以挖一个洞，然后戴上胡萝卜护甲，这样你的手指就不会疼了。
See? That doesn't hurt. I don't feel that at all. Zero danger here.
看见没?一点也不疼。什么都感觉不到。零危险。
On the other hand, if you have an especially vulnerable carrot, you can build it a suit of armor to protect it.
另一方面，如果你有一只特别脆弱的胡萝卜，你可以做一套盔甲来保护它。
Now we're gonna shred these carrots on the small setting until we have around two cups.
现在把胡萝卜刮碎，要两杯左右的胡萝卜蓉。
Now you can use the stem handle as you get to the nub.
胡萝卜快刮完的时候可以捏着胡萝卜茎刮。
But if you don't have a stem, just jam a fork in there.
如果没有茎，就把叉子插进去就行了。
And then when that gets too small, switch to your tiny grater and make sure you give that a good wash after. Then let it dry out for next time.
等胡萝卜磨得只剩一点点时，换成迷你刮板，使用完毕后记得要清洗干净，并沥干后下次再用。
Dry ingredients assemble or I can just grab them. That works, too.
干原料速速飞来，不飞来我直接拿也行。
We'll throw in one and three quarter cups of flour, one and a half teaspoons of baking powder, and one teaspoon of baking soda, completing the white powder trifecta.
加入一又四分之三杯面粉，1.5茶匙泡打粉和1茶匙小苏打，完成白色粉末三连。
Why do we use both baking powder and baking soda, especially since baking soda has baking powder in it?
为什么用了泡打粉还要用小苏打，而且小苏打里面就有泡打粉呢？
That's a great question. I'm glad you asked.
这是个好问题。我很高兴你问了这个问题。
Now we'll add in half a teaspoon of cinnamon.
现在加入半茶匙肉桂粉。
And we'll wang-jangle with a carrot to mentally prepare these ingredients for the arrival of actual carrot.
用胡萝卜搅拌，让这些原料做好心理准备，去迎接真正的胡萝卜加入它们。
When you look at all this dust, it's hard to imagine that the result will be a cake that's super moist.
看着这些粉末，很难想象最后会做出一个非常水润的蛋糕。
Now we'll take another bowl because it's time to scramble some eggs.
现在再拿一个碗，因为需要搅些鸡蛋了。
And since there's eggs in this, this cake is legally breakfast.
因为这里面有鸡蛋，所以这个蛋糕有当早餐的合法资格。
Now we'll add a cup of vegetable oil so that the eggs get extra slippery and also so that the carrot doesn't feel lonely.
现在加入一杯植物油，这样鸡蛋就会变得特别顺滑，而且胡萝卜也不会感到太孤独。
Now we'll add in a cup of sugar.
加一杯糖。
Remember that sugar is ice, which becomes liquid when in contact with another liquid.
请记住，糖是冰，当糖与另一种液体接触时就会变成液体。
And we'll add in a teaspoon of vanilla extract, aka the ketchup of baking.
加入一茶匙香草精，香草精也叫烘焙用的番茄酱。
Now all of this liquid is going to help your cake be moist.
所有这些液体都将让你的蛋糕变得很湿润。
Now I'm going to pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and start folding those together.
现在我要把湿原料倒进干原料中，并把它们搅拌在一起。
Whoops, I meant to add the carrot to the liquid. But that's okay. We'll do it now.
哎呀，我本来想把胡萝卜倒进液体里的。但也没关系，现在再加也不晚。
Now wang-jangle the batter with a carrot to infuse it with carrot essence, but don't over wang-jangle.
现在用胡萝卜来搅拌面糊并融入胡萝卜精华，但不要搅拌过头。
You'll know you've over wang-jangled if you've done it too much.
如果过度搅拌了，你是可以看得出来的。
Now it's craft time.
现在是做手工时间。
We're going to etch a circle in our parchment paper so that we can line our pan.
在油纸上刻一个圆，这样可以适合烤盘的形状。
Then we'll fold that in half and cut it slightly smaller. Then glue it down.
然后把油纸对折，再稍微剪得小一点。然后贴在烤盘上。
Now spray some pesticide on the inside of the pan to prevent the carrots from getting a bug infestation.
在烤盘内侧喷洒一些杀虫剂，防止胡萝卜受到虫害。
If you want to add something else like walnuts, pecans, definitely not raisins, the absence of raisins, something other than raisins, or for sure not raisins, then go right ahead.
如果你想加一些其他东西，比如核桃、碧根果，绝对不是葡萄干的东西、没有葡萄干的东西、葡萄干以外的东西，或者肯定不加葡萄干，那就想加什么尽管加吧。
Undoes on three fundo and we're gonna throw that in there for 45 minutes.
烤箱300度，放进去烤45分钟。
You know how a caterpillar wraps itself inside a warm cocoon and transmorphicalizes into a butterfly.
我们都知道毛毛虫把自己包裹在温暖的茧里，然后变成一只蝴蝶。
This is nothing like that.
烤蛋糕和毛毛虫变蝴蝶没有一毛钱的关系。
Once 45 minutes has passed, we'll poke it with a toothpick.
45分钟过去了，拿牙签戳一下。
If it comes out with cake guts on it, throw it in for another five; then check it again.
如果牙签上沾的有蛋糕的内脏，就再扔进去烤五分钟并再检查一遍。
Looks like we're done.
貌似可以了。
Let it nap for 10 or 15 minutes. Then we'll get it out of the pan so it doesn't overcook I guess.
让它午睡10到15分钟。然后把它从烤盘里拿出来，免得烤过头了。
For the frosting we're gonna take half a brick of cream cheese.
糖霜的话用半块奶油奶酪。
Get this to around room temperature by using your room to heat it up.
通过室内温度让奶酪升温到常温。
Now we'll electrical blendisize that.
现在电动搅拌一下。
I'm gonna slowly add one cup of icing sugar.
慢慢地加入一杯糖粉。
Then blend that until it's blended.
然后搅拌均匀。
We'll add in one teaspoon of vanilla extract and a pinch of salt.
加入一茶匙香草精和一小撮盐。
Keep in mind this frosting contains zero percent frost.
请记住，这种糖霜不含任何霜冻。
And if you can't make this frosting, just get really mad and use frothing instead.
如果你做不出这种糖霜，那就无能狂怒地口吐白沫吧。（frosting读音类似frothing）
Now to apply the frosting, you're going to want to get a turntable with your favorite record.
涂糖霜的时候，要找一个唱片机的唱盘，并放上你最喜欢的唱片。
Then we'll just glue that glop on there and let it spiralize outward.
然后把这黏糊糊的东西抹上去，让它一边旋转一边铺开。
Okay, so one thing I really didn't expect was for this to kind of look professional and cool.
我真的没有想到，这样做竟然看起来挺专业、挺像那么回事儿的。
Then we'll just cut ourselves a nice slice.
现在给自己切一大块蛋糕。
This carrot cake is so light; it's actually floating.
这个胡萝卜蛋糕质地非常轻盈，简直像在飘浮一样。
The traditional way to serve carrot cake is by jamming a slice onto a carrot.
胡萝卜蛋糕的传统上菜方式是把一根胡萝卜插进蛋糕里。
So do that if you want to be authentic.
如果你想让蛋糕显得更真材实料，就这么做吧。
And if you want it even more moist, just spray on some carrot cake moistening fluid.
如果你想让它口感更湿润，只要喷一些胡萝卜蛋糕保湿喷雾就行了。
