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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
We're gonna start by taking three quarters of a cup of potato milk.
首先倒四分之三杯土豆奶。
Feel free to use cow water if you like.
用奶牛水也完全可以。
And heat that in the laser beam box until it's between 105 and 115 degrees fahrenheit.
把它放在激光箱里加热，直到温度达到105至115华氏度。
This temperature is important so that it doesn't kill the 2.5 teaspoons of instant yeast we're adding,
这个温度很重要，这样就不会杀死我们加入的2.5勺速发酵母。
and also so it doesn't frighten this teaspoon of sugar.
而且也不会吓坏这勺糖。
Fun fact: yeast can make any object rise.
有趣小知识: 酵母可以让任何东西膨胀起来。
Just sprinkle some on and...
撒一点酵母上去，然后......
But guys, just because it can make anything rise doesn't mean it's a license to go sprinkling it all over your di...
但是兄弟们，因为酵母可以让任何东西膨胀，并不代表你就可以把它撒在你的某个部位上。
Now we'll wait 5 or 10 minutes for that to froth up like a mad dog.
现在等5到10分钟，让它像疯狗一样吐出白沫。
Good boy, sparky.
乖一点，小狗子。
And if it doesn't foam, congratulations, your yeast is dead and you're a failure.
如果没有泡沫，恭喜你，你的酵母是死的，你失败了。
Now I'll take two tablespoons of just melted butter, not too hot, along with a quarter cup of sugar.
现在我要倒入两勺刚刚融化的黄油，黄油不要太烫，再加四分之一杯白糖。
Now give an egg a nice warm bath before cracking it in, so it doesn't bring the temperature down too much.
把鸡蛋打进去之前，给它泡个热水澡，以免鸡蛋让液体降温太多。
Then wangjangle that in there.
然后搅搅拌拌。
In another bowl we'll take 2.5 cups of wheat dust and add a teaspoon of common earth minerals, aka salt.
在另一个碗里加入2.5杯面粉和一勺常见地球矿物质，也就是盐。
Then sift in some air so it doesn't suffocate.
然后搅拌混合进一些空气，以免它窒息。
Now we'll transfer that yeast mixture to a bigger bowl and we'll add the flour in a bit by bit while wangjangling.
现在把酵母混合物倒入更大的碗里，一遍搅拌一边一点点地加入面粉。
Now I'm gonna abandon my whisk here before it gets all gunked up
我要把搅拌器拿起来了，一会儿就糊住了。
And eventually we'll move that to a flat floured surface.
最后把面团放到撒了面粉的台子上。
Keep adding the flour until it's a nice ball of dough.
继续加面粉，直到揉成一个完美的面团。
Not too dry. It's okay if you don't use all the flour.
面团不要太干，面粉用不完也没关系。
You want to get it so it's not sticky but still kind of moist, and you need to knead it for around eight to ten minutes to develop that gluten, bro.
要揉到不粘手，而且还比较湿润的程度，需要揉大概八到十分钟才能揉出筋道的面团。
Remember not to use the same kneading pattern. You want to switch it up. This is called dough confusion.
记得不要用同样的手法揉，时不时地要换个手法。这叫面团迷惑术。
It helps to develop the gluten's muscles to be super agile and taste less predictable.
这样可以让面团的肌肉变得超级灵活，味道更加多变。
Then test to see if it's a ball based on whether or not it will bounce. Yep, that's a ball.
测试一下这是不是一个球，根据是看它会不会弹起来。是的，是个球。
Now we're going to create a nice slippery bed so our dough can take a nap. Shh.
做一个光滑的小床，让面团小睡一会儿。嘘。
We'll add a damp stained cloth blanket and let it sleep for an hour.
盖上一块有污渍的湿抹布，让它睡上一个小时。
Time to wake up, you little dough baby which is now clearly a dough toddler.
醒醒啦，面团小宝宝，现在显然已经长成一个面团小孩子了。
Now I'm going to create an oiled up wrestling ring, so we don't dry it out with more flour,
现在做一个涂了油的摔跤场，不需要加面粉让它变干。
And we'll grease up the old roly-poly.
再把擀面棒上也涂上油。
Now we'll roll out the dough into a giant rectangle.
把面团擀成一个超大的正方形。
Then we'll baste it with a layer of cinnamon glue, aka butter.
然后涂上一层肉桂胶水，也就是黄油。
Now mix two thirds cup of brown sugar, 1.5 tablespoons of cinnamon.
现在把三分之二杯棕糖喝1.5勺肉桂粉混合。
Then add one teaspoon of vanilla extract.
再加入一勺香草精。
If you spread this on a cracker, you've got bootleg cinnamon toast crunch.
如果把这些撒在脆饼干上，你就有了私制的肉桂谷物麦片。
Then we'll sprinkle that on top and smooth it with our steam roller.
把这些撒在面饼上，然后用蒸汽压路机压平。
If you don't have a steam roller, you can use an old fashioned steam spoon.
如果没有蒸汽压路机，可以用老式的蒸汽勺子。
And we'll put in one raisin just to * with somebody.
就放一粒葡萄干，气死某些人。
Now you can start rolling the dough toward you,
现在把面团朝着你的方向卷过来，
because if you push it away it'll taste emotionally distant
如果反着卷，它的味道会变得很冷淡。
We'll use some oil to glue our parchment paper onto our 9 by 13 inch pan.
刷点油，把羊皮纸粘在9x13的盘子上。
Usually people use high wall pans, but I have what I have and you get what you get, and you don't get upset.
通常人们会用深口盘子，但我有我的东西，你有你的东西，不需要难过。
We'll just cut off the ends and make sure they understand who they are.
把两头切掉，而且要让它们认清自己。
You weren't good enough.
你俩不够优秀。
Now we'll make some lines to map out around 12 cuts.
现在划几道线，标记好切大概12刀的地方。
And before cutting these make sure your knife is wicked sharp.
切之前要确保你的刀非常锋利。
And try not to cut your countertop like I am right now.
而且不要像我这样切你的工作台。
You can also cut with dental floss like so.
也可以用牙线这样切。
This also has the advantage of cleaning the cinnamon roll's teeth,
这样还有一个优点，就是可以清洁肉桂卷的牙齿，
but let's finish this the old-fashioned way.
但我们还是用老办法切完吧。
And you want to leave a bit of space between them in the pan because they're going to grow on account of that yeast.
摆盘的时候留一点空隙，因为有酵母，它们还会再变大。
And it's time for nap number two.
现在睡第二次觉。
We'll cover these with a dry transparent cloth and now expand.
盖上透明干燥的布，现在，膨胀吧。
Now we'll take some butter and pretend we're van gogh painting his lesser known masterpiece: spirally afternoon.
现在开始刷黄油，假装自己是梵高，正在画他不太知名的作品: 螺旋午后。
Undoes on three fundo and we'll put these in for around 20 minutes or so until they start to get golden brown.
烤箱300度，烤大约20分钟，直到开始变成金黄色。
For the frosting we'll take three quarters of a cup of room temperature cream cheese and add four tablespoons of soft butter.
做糖霜的话，用四分之三杯室温的奶油奶酪，再加四勺软化的黄油。
Now we'll slowly add 1.5 cups of powdered sugar and I'm gonna go ahead and forget to add some vanilla extract and salt and it still tastes good.
慢慢加入1.5杯糖粉，然后继续搅拌，同时忘记加入香草精和盐，但结果味道还是很好。
The buns are done now.
面卷烤好了。
I'll get that icing on while they're still warm so that the icing melts into all the cracks and crevices like glacial mouthwater.
趁热把糖霜浇上去，让糖霜融化，像雪山的口水一样流进每个缝隙中。
And if you want to look stylish and approachable when you're out on the town, feel free to wear a cinnamon bun.
如果去逛街的时候想让自己看起来又时尚又随和，完全可以戴一个肉桂卷在头上。
And if you accidentally made a sinamon roll, just spray it with some holy water.
如果你不小心做了一个圣贵卷，那就洒上一点圣水。
Thank you, milky potato.
谢谢你，牛奶土豆。
