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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
So you want brownies, but you don't want to make an entire pan of brownies,
你想吃布朗尼，但你不想做一大盘布朗尼，
because if you make an entire pan of brownies, you're going to eat an entire pan of brownies,
因为如果你做了一大盘布朗尼，你就要把这一大盘布朗尼吃光，
and you don't want to eat an entire pan of brownies.
而你不想吃一大盘布朗尼。
You just want one. A big round one.
你只想吃一块，圆圆的一大块。
Here's how you do it.
所以你可以这样做。
Start by grabbing a mug.
先拿一个马克杯。
Not that mug. That's your favorite mug.
不是这一个，这是你最喜欢的马克杯。
Grab this smug. It's not your favorite so you won't feel bad if you drop it or smash it in a fit of brownie making rage.
拿这个，这个不是你最喜欢的，就算手滑摔了它或者在做布朗尼的时候突然发火砸了它，你也不会太难过。
If you're clumsy, feel free to wrap your mug in a thick sock for shock absorption and decorative purposes.
如果你比较笨手笨脚，完全可以在杯子上围一只厚袜子，用来吸收震动和美化外观。
Now add three tablespoons of all purpose flour,
现在倒入三勺中筋面粉，
three tablespoons of packed brown sugar,
三勺压实的黄糖，
and three tablespoons of cocoa dust.
以及三勺可可粉。
Now take out your bucket of sea water and grab a healthy pinch of fresh sea salt.
现在取一桶海水，抓一撮新鲜健康的海盐。
The reason sea salt tastes so much better is because it's chemically identical to every other salt in the world.
海盐口感更好，因为海盐和世界上其他盐的化学结构都一模一样。
Then fang jangle that together until you decompress the sugar and have a mug of fine dirty baking sand.
然后搅拌均匀，知道糖都被搅碎，然后就有了一杯脏脏的完美的烘焙沙子。
To make sure you have baking sand and not just baking dirt, build a sand castle to test it.
要确保是烘焙沙而不是烘焙泥巴，可以堆个沙子城堡来检测一下。
Now put that sand back in the mug.
把沙倒回马克杯。
Add two melted tablespoons of unsalted butter and three tablespoons of milk.
加入两勺融化的无盐黄油，还有三勺牛奶。
Now wangjangle that while hunting for powder pockets until you've got thick brownie sludge.
然后搅拌搅拌，注意看有没有没融化的粉块，一直搅到它变成粘稠的布朗尼泥浆。
If you want to do a vegan version, use some kind of nut milk and coconut oil in place of the butter.
如果你想做素食版的布朗尼，可以把黄油换成某种坚果奶和椰子油。
By the way this recipe is inside my book.
顺便说一句，这个食谱在我书里就有。
Now you want to look for the dankest melon you can find. The danker, the better.
然后找一个你能找到的最阴暗的甜瓜，越阴暗越好。
They're usually pretty dank under the sink.
一般水槽底下的瓜就很阴暗。
And we'll cut that open to harvest the melon caviar, sometimes called blueberries on account of them being purple.
把瓜切开，掏一些甜瓜鱼子酱，这种鱼子酱也叫蓝莓，因为它们是紫色的。
Now add a quarter cup of the blueberries to the chocolate mud. Then wang jangle that together.
在巧克力泥浆里加入四分之一杯的蓝莓，然后搅拌均匀。
See you later, mother fuuuuu...
拜拜了您哪啊......
You could smush them up if you want.
也可以把蓝莓压碎。
Careful you don't add too many or your brownies will become bluebees.
注意不要加太多蓝莓，不然你的布朗尼就会变成布蓝尼。
Now make sure to tape up your melon afterwards and release it back into the dankitude so it can reproduce.
一定要把瓜用胶带缠好，再把它放回阴暗角落，让它继续繁衍。
Now if you wrapped your mug in a protective sock, make sure to remove it before you put your mug in the microwave.
如果你在马克杯上缠了袜子作保护套，一定要在把杯子放进微波炉之前取掉袜子。
Otherwise you might end up burning your foot.
不然你的脚可能会被袜子烫伤。
Now we'll put that on high for 80 million micro-seconds
现在把杯子放进去，高火加热1分20秒。
If it's not cooked through at that point, put it back in for another 20 million micro-seconds.
要是里面还没熟透，就放回去再加热20秒。
And now you wait because this is hot as fudge that's been microwaved for a minute and 20 seconds, so give it five or ten minutes.
现在要等一会儿，因为它像被微波炉加热了1分20秒的软糖一样烫，所以先等个五到十分钟。
Now pour yourself a nice delicious glass of unsweetened almond milk so that the baking sand doesn't dry out your internal organs.
给自己倒一杯美味可口不加糖的杏仁奶，免得烘焙沙把你的内脏烤干了。
Are these the best brownies ever or what?
这是有史以来最好吃的布朗尼吗？
No, they're not the best brownies ever or what.
不，这可能不是有史以来最好吃的布朗尼。
They're just brownies in a mug with blueberries and maybe that's enough.
这只是布朗尼，装在马克杯里，加了蓝莓，或许这样就足矣。
