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You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Pizza pockets. They're pockets full of pizza, also known as hot pockets, also known as calzones.
披萨口袋，就是装满披萨的口袋，也叫热辣口袋，也叫卡区。
That's the Italian word for calorie zone.
卡区就是意大利语的卡路里区域。
The way I make dough is by starting with a packet of pizza yeast and following the instructions.
我做面团的办法就是先拿一袋披萨饼酵母，然后按照说明做。
Step one: combine one cup of flour, the undissolved yeast,
第一步：加入一杯面粉，未溶解的酵母，
one and a half teaspoons of sugar, and three quarters of a teaspoon of salt.
一勺半白糖和四分之三少盐。
Add two thirds a cup of very warm water and three tablespoons of oil.
再加入三分之二杯温水喝三勺油。
I'm using olive. You can use vegetable or motor.
我用的是橄榄油，你也可以用蔬菜油或者汽车机油。
Mix until well blended.
搅拌至充分混合。
Dough, a bread, a flour based bread.
面团，面包，面粉做成面包。
Bowl, a place to hold your dough.
碗，把面团放进碗里。
Spoon, a thing to mix your dough.
勺子，用勺子搅拌面团。
I should really shut the up.
我快闭嘴吧。
Add in three quarters of a cup to a cup and a quarter more flour until you get a sticky dough ball.
加入四分之三杯至一又四分之一杯面粉，直到形成一个黏糊糊的面团。
Knead on a floured surface about four minutes, so it's longer than any workout I've done this year.
台子上撒上面粉，然后把面团揉四分钟左右，我今年健身都从没超过四分钟。
Cheers.
干杯。
Add in additional flour if you need to until smooth and elastic.
如果需要的话可以再加面粉，直到面团变得光滑有弹性。
I think the only way to test if this is smooth and elastic is to compare.
我觉得要测试面团是不是光滑有弹性，唯一的办法就是比较。
So can it elastic? Now I will...
这个有弹性吗？现在我要......
Yeah, I think that's good.
挺好，我觉得挺有弹性。
All right, my strategy here is to try to go for thin pockets
好的，我的思路是做一个薄薄的口袋，
because I want the least amount of dough and the most amount of stuff possible.
因为我想面团尽可能少，馅料尽可能多。
Now I need toppings which are not going to be toppings because they're going to be inside so we'll call them innards.
还需要最上面的盖料，但它们不在上面而是在里面，所以就叫它里料。
We'll shred up some of the fake Americanized bullshit version of mozzarella.
然后刮一些美国化了的冒牌马苏里拉奶酪。
Okay now that that's shredded, we'll put that piece inside the pocket and we're done. Great.
奶酪刮好了，把这一块放进口袋就行了，棒棒。
No. Okay, just imagine for a second if you're a one millimeter high skateboarder, how cool would this be.
不，想象一下，如果你身高一毫米，在这个辣椒上滑滑板是不是就太绝了。
I meditated earlier, so if I sound a little more enlightened than usual, that's probably why. Pepper pepper pepperoni.
我刚刚冥想了一下，所以如果我听起来比平时更有灵性，可能就是这个原因吧。青椒青椒小香肠。
We're not just gonna settle for disks.
不能只切片就算了。
We're gonna chop these up and we're gonna hope that nobody notices it's actually turkey pepperoni.
要把香肠切碎，而且祈祷没人发现这其实是火鸡肉帕帕罗尼香肠。
We're hitting this with pizza sauce. That's probably already too much.
披萨酱搞上去，可能挤太多了。
We're gonna learn from my mistakes,
要从我犯的错误中吸取教训，
or we won't and we'll overload it just like I do every time I make a burrito or taco.
不吸取也行，那就把料加足，我每次做墨西哥馅饼或塔可的时候都会这样。
We will put on some cheese. Too much cheese.
加一些奶酪，奶酪太多了。
A little bit of green pepper and some real authentic pepperoni.
再加一点青椒和一些地道正宗的帕帕罗尼香肠。
Now you want to take this and fold it over.
然后把这一片折过来。
Press the edges. Oh look, it ended up being perfect.
把边压实。看，非常成功。
The only mistake I made was doubting myself,
唯一的差错就是我怀疑了自己，
except for that small leak which is not a mistake.
此外就是那里漏了一点点，这不算差错。
It's an imperfection that reminds us that I'm human, a human who loves a lot of sauce.
这只是一个缺憾，提醒我吾非圣贤，吾乃爱吃酱的凡人。
Don't forget to poke a hole in the center so it doesn't explode, I guess.
别忘了在中间戳个洞，这样就不会爆炸了，应该不会爆吧。
Boom, sauce. It's not sticking, so instead let's fold it back on itself.
砰，披萨酱。没粘住，所以再往回折叠一下。
Now it's just more of a pizza burrito.
现在更像个披萨馅饼了。
It's wronger on more levels, which will increase the enjoyment.
这错得更离谱了，但越离谱，越欢乐。
Shout out to former Catholics.
向以前信教的人大喊这句话吧。
Now let's smother this one with...Oh, that's way too much...
然后把这块饼上涂满......这也太多了......
We're gonna use the real mozzarella in this one.
这块饼用真正的马苏里拉奶酪。
Does this even melt? I assume it does.
它会融化吗？我觉得会吧。
Let's throw on one green pepper and one piece of turkey pepperoni
放上一个青椒丁，再放一个火鸡香肠丁。
Now we'll just fold that over. We'll get these on here.
然后折叠起来，放在这里。
Let's get this Italian masterpiece on here.
我们把这个意大利大师之作放这里吧。
Boom. Welcome to Italy.
砰，欢迎来到意大利。
I'm just gonna do an experiment and put oil on half of one and we'll see what side we like better.
我想做个实验，把一面涂上油，然后看哪一面更好吃。
We've got liquids leaking everywhere. It's wonderful.
到处都是液体，太棒了。
Undoes on 420 fundo. Buon viaggio.
烤箱420度。一路顺风。
I cook these for around 14 minutes and another minute on broil to brown the tops.
烤箱里一共烤了14分钟左右，然后在火上又烤了一分钟，让表层焦一点。
And let's just focus on the positive meaning of this pocket.
我们看看这个披萨口袋的积极意义。
There's no need to pay attention to other things here that people might judge.
不需要在意其他人可能不认同的东西。
Would a pizza pocket by any other shape not taste as delicious?
其他形状的披萨口袋味道会差吗？
I'll bet you five Italian dollars that this tastes really good.
我打赌意大利的五块钱，这个披萨口袋绝对超级好吃。
Give me five Italian dollars.
把五块钱给我吧。
Man, these other calzone bastard children need to be sent to The Wall.
讲真，这些卡区小鬼应该被送去绝境长城。
Anyone else still mad about Game of Thrones? I really hope so.
还有人还没出权力的游戏的坑吗？我希望还有。
So my second try went a lot better when you're pressing the dough around the edges like this.
我第二次做的时候效果好得多，就是这样把面团的边压实。
Make sure you haven't committed a crime recently because your fingerprints will be all over it.
最近一定不能犯罪，因为这上面全是你的指纹。
And make sure you take any loose change or keys out of the pocket before eating
还有，吃之前一定要把口袋里的零钱和钥匙拿出来。
The existence of pizza pockets implies the existence of pizza pants.
披萨口袋的存在意味着披萨裤子的存在。
Oh my god, they're real.
天啊，真的有。
Um, that's a zipper, you perverts.
呃，那是拉链，你个老变态。
And these giant ass pockets are great
这两个超大的屁股口袋也超赞，
because you'll never need to carry around a purse or a backpack ever again.
因为这样就再也不用带钱包或者背双肩包了。
