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You guys, I'm so excited about this. Eddie Murphy is my guest tonight!
朋友们，我非常高兴，今晚的嘉宾是艾迪·墨菲！
I love Eddie so much. In fact, earlier today, I realized his career really sums up what President Trump is going through right now.
我喜欢艾迪，事实上，今天早些时候，我发现他的事业真的总结了小特如今所经历的。
I'll show you what I mean. You see, 48 Hours ago, Trump got impeached.
我跟你说一下我的想法，你们看，48小时之前，小特被弹劾了。
In fact, things got so bad he even considered Trading Places with Mike Pence.
事实上，事情变得如此糟糕，甚至考虑和麦克·彭斯颠倒乾坤。
Yep, Trump had no idea bribing Ukraine would Boomerang back at him.
没错，小特没想到贿赂乌克兰会产生相反作用。
And now impeachment will be a stain that follows him for the rest of his Life.
如今弹劾将成为一个污点，跟随他的后半生。
Yeah, Trump was sending hundreds of tweets. People thought that he was delirious.
没错，小特发了数百个推特，人们认为他精神错乱了。
In fact, Trump was so mad, he even considered fleeing to Mexico,
事实上，小特很生气，他甚至考虑逃到墨西哥，
but he couldn't make it over the wall that's blocking everyone from coming to America.
但他无法越过边境墙，这堵墙阻止了所有人抵达美国。
You see what I'm saying? Well, you guys, Christmas is just a few days away.
懂我意思吗？朋友们，圣诞节只有几天了。
Yeah, it's that magical time of year when Dad goes through eight rolls of Scotch tape wrapping one gift.
没错，这是一年中神奇的日子，老爸会用8卷透明胶带包裹一个礼物。
Oh. That's right. Christmas is almost here, and if you really want to have some fun,
没错，圣诞马上来临，如果你真的想享受这一时光，
put a giant red bow on your neighbor's car and then take your wife out to see it.
在你邻居的车上放一个巨型红色蝴蝶结，让你的妻子出来看。
I do it every year. This year, I saw that Red Lobster is selling an ugly holiday sweater featuring a pouch
我每年都做，今年我听说红龙虾餐厅销售一件难看的节日毛衣，上面有一个难看的袋子，
to keep your biscuits warm. While every guy is like, That doesn't mean what I think it means, does it?
让你的饼干更加温暖，但所有人都在说，我不认为这是我想的意思，真的吗？
Oh, and I saw that this Saturday is the first day of winter. Winter will end on March 19th or hopefully sooner.
哦，本周六将是冬天的第一天，冬天将在3月19日结束，或许会更早。
It all depends on if Pete Buttigieg sees his shadow
这要仰仗皮特·布蒂吉格是否看他的影子。
Meanwhile, I saw that Elizabeth Warren is on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone magazine.
同时，我听说沃伦将出现在本月的滚石杂志封面上。
Not to be outdone, Bernie Sanders is on the cover of Kidney Stone magazine and...
不甘示弱，桑德斯将出现在肾结石杂志上。
Really? Good article. Wow! Guys, it's the end of the year, and people are already thinking about their New Year's resolutions,
真的吗？好文章，哦哦，朋友们，年底了，人们已经在想新年决心了，
and that includes people in Washington. We actually got ahold of some of them. And they're pretty interesting. I'll show you what I mean.
这包括华盛顿的人，我们还真的了解了一些，他们真的很有趣，来看看。
For example, here's Congressman Matt Gaetz. His New Year's resolution is to...
比如国会议员马特·盖茨，他的新年决心是，
continue my secret side job a the mascot for the Patriots.
继续我的秘密副业，那就是爱国者的吉祥物。
Next up, here is Jerry Nadler. His New Year's resolution is to...wear my pants lower so my nipples stop chafing on my belt.
下一个是杰里·纳德勒，他的新年决心是，穿裤子要低点，这样我的乳头不会因为腰带而有擦痛感。
And finally, here's Bernie Sanders. His New Year's resolution is to stop combing my hair by sticking a soup spoon into a light socket.
最后是桑德斯，他的新年决心是停止通过将汤勺黏在电灯插座来梳头。
Wow. Finally, everyone, this is our last show of the decade.
哦哦，最后，这次节目是10年的最后一档节目。
Thank you for being here. Which means it's time to revisit the funniest moment of the past ten years. That's right.
谢谢你们的到来，这意味着我们要回顾过去十年的精彩瞬间，没错。
I'm talking about when Lou Dobbs tried to say the name of a Mexican city back in 2018.
我想说的是2018年，当时卢·道布斯试图说出一个墨西哥城市的名字。
Please roll the clip. The caravan of mostly Central American immigrant is now in the Mexican city of Guaclehdahh tonight.
来看看吧，大部分以中美洲移民组成的大篷车今晚在墨西哥城市哇呼啦。
