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Guys, there's so much going on right now. Today, the President of the United States was impeached.
朋友们，今天的新闻有很多，今天美国总统小特被弹劾了。
Over in Russia, Vladimir Putin is about to hav his big year-end press conference.
在俄罗斯，普京举行了大型年底新闻发布会。
The movie Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker comes out tomorrow.
电影《星球大战：天行者崛起》明天上映。
And a man at a Nashville airport got busted with 84 pounds of weed wrapped like Christmas presents.
一名男子在纳什维尔的一个机场被当场逮住，因为它携带了84磅的大麻烟，伪装成了圣诞礼物。
There's a lot to go over. Let's just jump in and cover it all at once. It's time for a News Smash.
我们还有很多新闻没有说，让我们一块都报道完，来进入新闻大爆炸环节。
First, President Trump got impeached today, and he's not happy about it.
首先，总统小特今天被弹劾了，他对此不高兴。
He wrote an angry letter, sent hundreds of tweets, and shouted at his staff. He needs to chill out.
他写了一封气氛的信，发了数百个推特，对他的员工叫嚷，他需要放松一下。
And you know what's great for chilling out? Christmas weed. 84 pounds of it was found wrapped like presents at the airport in Nashville.
你知道怎么放松最好吗？那就是圣诞大麻烟，84顿大麻烟被当成了礼物，发现在了纳什维尔机场。
That's enough weed to get you really high. So high that you end up in a galaxy far, far away.
这些烟草足够让你兴奋一阵了，以至于你进入了遥远的星系中。
The new Star Wars movie hits theaters tomorrow, and there are so many question left to be answered. Will Luke come back?
新的星球大战电影明天上映，还有许多问题等着电影来回答，卢克会回来吗？
Will Kylo Ren win? Will Rey change course and cross over to the dark side?
凯洛.伦会赢吗？雷是否改变了方向，横穿进入了黑暗面？
Tomorrow, Putin is holding his annual press conference, where he talks to reporter for hours.
明天，普京将举行年度新闻发布会，他将和记者谈论几个小时。
But no matter what he does or says, there's no way he'll ever be impeached. Trump is furious.
不管他怎么说或怎么做，他永远不会被弹劾，小特很生气。
He spent the day yelling at his staff and tweeting while he laid on the couch.
他花了一天对员工叫嚷，他躺在沙发上发推特。
If he's not careful, he could end up looking like Jabba the Hutt. Now, that was a character.
如果他不小心的话，他或看上去像赫特人贾巴，如今这是一个人物形象。
He loved sitting around all day, eating snacks, kind of like someone who loves Christmas weed.
他喜欢一整天都坐着，吃零食，很像那个喜欢圣诞烟草的人。
When you get busted at the airport for your Christmas cheer, your Christmas cheer turns into Christmas fear.
当你在机场因为圣诞欢乐气氛被逮住时，你的圣诞欢乐变成了圣诞恐惧。
If you're a reporter in Russia that's what you feel looking in Putin's eyes.
如果你是俄罗斯的一名记者，这是你在看到普京眼睛时的感受。
Ask the wrong question, and you could go missing. You could disappear, just like Jar Jar Binks.
询问了错误的问题，你或许会失踪，或许会消失，就像加·加·宾克斯。
We won't see him in the new movie and we won't see Baby Yoda either.
我们不会在新电影中看到他，也不会看到小尤达。
And when fans find out there's no little Baby Yoda, J.J. Abrams is gonna get impeached.
当粉丝们发现没有小尤达时，J·J·艾布拉姆斯可能会被弹劾。
So, in conclusion, may the force be with you. May the Senate be with you.
所以总结一下，愿力量与你同在，愿参议院与你同在。
Don't worry. I'll be with you. May the 420 be with you. Thank you.
不要担心，我会站在你身边，愿420大麻和你在一起，谢谢。
Well, guys, today, the House of Representatives officially voted to impeach President Trump.
朋友们，众议院官方正式对弹劾小特举行了投票。
Of course, it's a dark stain on his legacy, but on the bright side, Trump finally managed to win a popular vote. That's right.
当然，这是他遗产中的污点，但从好的方面说，小特终于赢得了受欢迎投票，没错。
Trump's allies are worried about the stain that the impeachment will leave on his legacy.
小特的盟友担心这个弹劾污点将留在他的遗产中。
Although, when a guy wears that much spray tan, I don't think he cares about the stains he leaves behind.
如果有人抹那么多防晒品，我不认为他会在乎留下的污点。
Yep, today, Trump became the third U.S. president to be impeached.
没错，今天小特成为了第三位遭到弹劾的美国总统。
It was Bill Clinton in 1999, Andrew Johnson in 1868. And this is crazy.
1999年的克林顿，1868你那的安德鲁，这个很疯狂。
Back in 1868, Andrew Johnson was also impeached for trying to dig up dirt on Joe Biden.
在1868年，安德鲁也是因为抹黑拜登才被弹劾的。
Really? Yeah, what happened today is historic, and experts are saying that this is what we'll remember most about 2019.
真的吗？没错，今天发生的事情可名垂青史，专家称这是我们2019年最应该记住的事情。
Then Americans were like, Oh, come on. Have you seen Baby Yoda? Come on.
美国人在说好吧，你们看过小尤达吗？好吧。
But Democrats are saying that it's a sad day and that they're in mourning.
但民主党人说这是难过的一天，他们在哀悼。
Some members actually wore black, while, out of respect, Chuck Schumer lowered his glasses even further down his nose.
许多民主党人士还真的穿了黑色，为了显示尊敬，查尔斯·舒默将眼镜放在鼻子上的位置又降低了。
Trump sent dozens of angry tweets all day. He even tweeted that Democrats are the ones breaking the law, writing,
小特全天发了很多生气的推特，他甚至推特称民主党人违反了法律，写道：
How can they do that too, and, yet, impeach a very successful (economy plus) President of the United States?
他们怎么能够这么做，弹劾了一名非常成功的美国总统？（豪华经济舱）
Economy plus? You'd think Trump would at least refer to himself as business class. Yeah.
豪华经济舱？你会认为小特至少会认为自己是商务舱，没错。
And this was everywhere. Economy. I'm economy plus. I'll take an emergency exit row.
现在新闻传满天，我是豪华经济舱的，我应该坐紧急出口那一排。
There's more leg room. I need the tie room. This was everywhere.
有很多经济舱的座位，我需要系领带的房间，新闻满天飞。
During the debate, a Republican Congressman compared Trump to Jesus. I don't know.
在辩论中，共和党国会议员将小特和耶稣作对比，我不知道。
If Trump were Jesus, I'm pretty sure we'd have seen him turn water into Diet Coke already, right?
如果小特是耶稣，我非常确定我们已经看到他将水变成健怡可口可乐了，对吗？
Of course, last night, Trump also sent a six-page letter to Nancy Pelosi, ranting about impeachment, the Democrats,
当然昨晚，小特还给佩洛西发了一篇六页信，斥责了弹劾，民主党人，
and pretty much everything on his mind. And, today, he's even more upset, because Nancy Pelosi just wrote back, K.
以及所有在他脑子里面的东西，今天，他更加不安，因为佩洛西回信了，写道“K.”。
All day, I saw that merry Impeachmas was trending on twitter. But to make sure everyone felt included,
一整天我都看到推特上的弹劾快乐，现在很火，但为了确保所有人都包括在内，
Democrats were also saying happy Donakkah. Yeah. Meanwhile, during the impeachment vote,
民主党人还写上了“小特光明节快乐”，同时在弹劾选举中，
Trump actually held a campaign rally in Michigan, at the Kellogg Arena.
小特甚至还在密西根拉票，在凯洛格竞技场。
You could tell Trump enjoyed the Kellogg Arena when he fired Rudy Giulian and replaced him with the law firm of Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
你可以看出小特喜欢凯洛格竞技场，当他解雇了鲁迪·朱利安尼，然后代替他的是砰砰砰法律公司。
I saw that someone in Ohio just won the $372 million Mega Millions jackpot.
听说俄亥俄有人赢得了3.72亿美元的超级百万大奖。
The winner is thrilled, while the guy who gave him the ticket for Secret Santa just walked into the ocean.
获奖者很兴奋，那名给了他神秘圣诞票的人走进了海洋。
And, finally, I read that kids are now using money apps instead of piggy banks.
最后，我听说小孩如今使用货币类应用，而不是存钱罐。
Money apps. It's gonna get weirder when kids tell the Tooth Fairy, Just Venmo me. Guys, we have a great show.
货币类应用，很奇怪，当小孩牙仙子，给我打Venmo就行，今天的节目很精彩。
