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Rachel: Ok. Though I guess then the joke's on him.
好吧。嗯，那我想，算是他的问题好了。
Rachel: So, what do think you wanna order? I'm really excited about that chicken.
你想要点什么呢？我真的很期待他们的鸡肉。
Steve: I'm not funny either.
我也不风趣。
Steve: So, if you were thinking, "Well, he's not that good-looking, but maybe we'll have some laughs"...That ain't gonna happen.
所以如果你是在想，嗯，他倒是不太好看，但是也许他很幽默，那你就错了。
Rachel: Well, come on, Steve; let's not rule out nervous laughter.
别这样，史提夫，我们不要让彼此尴尬。
Rachel: So now, I-I think that we should order, and then eat, and then leave.
所以现在，我想我们应该点餐了然后用餐，然后再离开。
Steve: I have a lot of medical problems.
我一身是病。
Rachel: Hey, now, wait a minute, Phoebe told me that you owned your own restaurant. That's impressive.
嘿，等等，菲比告诉我……你是自己开餐厅的，真是了不起。
Steve: I lost it to drugs.
我因为吸毒把餐厅卖掉了。
Steve: I sell screen T-shirts now.
我现在做绢印T恤。
Rachel: Really? What's that like?
真的？做得怎样呢？
Steve: It's really fulfilling doing something you hate for no money.
做你痛恨的工作、又赚不到钱，真是非常充实啊！
Steve: That's right. I have no money, I'm not funny, I live in a studio apartment, with two other guys, and I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
没错，我没有钱，又不风趣，住在一间没有隔间的公寓，跟两个男的一起生活。而且我很确定，我有不孕症。
Rachel: Now, come on. Come on, Steve. There must be something that you like about yourself.
别这样，别这样，史提夫。你一定有什么自己喜欢的地方。
Steve: I do like my hair.
我是挺喜欢我的头发的。
Rachel: Really?
真的吗？
Phoebe: Hello?
嗨？
Rachel: Phoebe, it's me. I'm going to hunt you down and kill you!
菲比，是我。我一定要追杀你、把你给剁了！
Phoebe: Hey, Rach!
嘿，瑞秋！
Rachel: This is the worst date ever. How could you set me up with this creep?
这真是史上最烂的约会！你怎么可以介绍这个怪人给我呢？
Phoebe: You know, you are talking about one of my dear, dear friends.
你是在批评我最要好的朋友耶。
Rachel: I don't, I don't care! This guy is a nightmare!
我不在乎，这个人是个恶梦。
Phoebe: All right, so he gets a little crazy when he's stoned.
好了，他只不过在吸毒的时候才有点失常。
Rachel: He's not stoned.
他没吸毒。
Phoebe: Did he go out for a cigarette?
他有出去抽烟吗？
Rachel: Yeah, four times.
有啊，四次。
Phoebe: My dear, sweet Rach.
我亲爱的甜心瑞秋。
Phoebe: Well, our plan is working.
我们的计划奏效了。
Phoebe: Rachel is having a miserable time, and Ross is stood up somewhere at a restaurant all alone.
瑞秋现在很悲惨，而罗斯正一个人在某家餐厅呆坐，被放鸽子了。
Joey: Oh, great, pretty soon they'll be back together.
他们很快就会复合了。
Phoebe: By the time anyone's figured out what we've done, we'll be in sunny Mexico...
等到大家发现我们做的好事时，我们早就在阳光普照的墨西哥了……（《肖申克的救赎》的台词）
Phoebe: Oh, wait, that's the end of a different plan.
喔，等等，那是另一个计划的结局。
Monica: Oh, she's asleep. Chandler?
她睡着了，钱德？
Monica: What're you doing?
你在做什么呢？
Chandler: Emma was doing it!
艾玛也都这样做啊！
Monica: She's asleep.
她睡着了。
Chandler: Ooh, she's asleep, that means we can...
她睡了，表示我们可以……
Monica: Yes, but we have to be fast.
是的，但是我们必须要动作快。
Chandler: Oh-ok, I'll try. And you can't make any noise.
喔，好的，我尽量。而你不能发出任何声音。
Monica: Ok, I'll try.
好啦，我尽量。
Joey: Hello? Emma? Hey! Hi!
嗨？艾玛？嘿！嗨！
Joey: How are ya? How are ya?
你好吗？你好吗？
Joey: Where're your babysitters, huh?
你的保姆们呢？
Joey: Why's the bedroom door closed?
为什么房间的门是关着的呢？
Joey: You can't have S-E-X, when you're taking care of the B-A-B-I-E!
在照顾小孩的时候是不能做爱的。
Waiter: I've got bad news. The Chinese guy left.
我有个坏消息，那个中国人走了。
Ross: Eh, if it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
如果不是命中注定，就不是命中注定。
Waiter: Look, you got stood up, who cares?
听着，就算是被放鸽子又如何呢？
Waiter: We're gonna show you a good time. Sit and relax.
我们会好好招待你，你好好坐着享受。
Waiter: In fact, let me bring you a crab-cake appetizer on the house.
事实上，让我免费招待您，蟹肉饼当开胃菜。
Ross: Wow, free crab cakes. Well, that's nice.
哇，免费的蟹肉饼吗？真是周到。
Ross: Although I was hoping to have sex tonight.
虽然我本来希望今晚可以做爱的。
Waiter: Ooh...
噢……
Waiter: Just the crab cakes.
只要蟹肉饼就行了。
Waiter #2: What are you doing? Are you trying to get him to stay? Because you can't do that.
你在做什么？要把他留下来吗？你不可以那样。
Waiter: Just get out of here, ok?
不要多管闲事好吗？
Ross: What's, I'm sorry, what's going on?
很抱歉，这是怎么回事？
Waiter: Okay, the waiters have a little pool going.
服务生们都在打赌。
Waiter: We have a bet on how long it'll take before you give up and go home.
赌你会等多久才会放弃回家去。
Ross: What? You-you, you're making money off my misery?
什么？你们拿我的悲惨境遇来赢钱？
Waiter: Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
嗯，如果你待到九点二十分，我就赢了。
Ross: This is unbelievable. I have never been so insulted in my life.
太离谱了。我从未被如此羞辱过。
Ross: Now, if you'll wrap up my free crab cakes, I'll be on my way.
现在如果你帮我把蟹肉饼打包，我就马上离开。
Monica: Well, that was weird. You were loud and I was fast.
真是奇怪。你倒是很大声，我倒是挺快的。
Chandler: I think we may have really done it this time.
我想我们这一次可能会成功。
Monica: Oh, I wish I didn't have to wait to take a pregnancy test.
我希望我不用等到作验孕测试。
Chandler: You may want to get some more of those too.
你可能需要再多买一些。
Chandler: Where's Emma?
艾玛呢？
Monica: Oh, my God, where's Emma? Where's Emma?
我的天，艾玛呢？艾玛呢？
Chandler: Don't ask me. I was in there canoodling you.
别问我，我跟你在里面亲热。
Monica: Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel came home early and picked up Emma.
好吧，我想应该是瑞秋提早回来，把艾玛带回去了。
Monica: You go look across the hall, and I'll call her cell.
你去对面看看，我来打电话给她。
Chandler: Ok.
好。
Monica: You better hope we're pregnant because one way or another, we're giving a baby back to Rachel!
你最好祈祷我有怀孕，因为无论如何我们得要有个婴儿，可以还给瑞秋！
Steve: I-I can't believe I’m crying in front of you. You must think I'm so pathetic. No, no, no, I admire a man who can cry.
我不敢相信我在你面前哭泣。你一定觉得我很可悲。不、不、不，我欣赏会哭的男人。
Steve: Really?
真的？
Rachel: Don't touch my coat. Oh! Sorry, that's my phone.
别碰我的外套。对不起，我有电话。
Rachel: Hello?
嗨？
Monica: Hey, Rach, how's it going? Oh, my God, this is the worst date ever.
嘿，瑞秋，进行的怎样呢？我的天，这是我有过最烂的约会了。
Rachel: Oh come on, look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well?
喔，拜托听着，我很抱歉，但是你真的认为 一切进行的很顺利吗？
Rachel: What's up?
怎么了？
Monica: Hey, did you stop by here?
嘿，你有来过吗？
Rachel: No.
没有。
Monica: Oh, my God! Then...
喔，我的天，那……
Monica: Oh, thank God! Emma, there you are!
感谢上帝！艾玛，原来你在这里！
Rachel: What? What-what do you mean, "there you are?" Where was she?
什么？“原来你在这里？” 是什么意思，她在哪里？
Monica: Oh, we were playing "peek-a-boo." She just, she loves it when I'm dramatic.
我们在玩躲猫猫，她爱死我的戏剧性演出了。
Monica: Why the hell did you take her?
你为什么要带走她呢？
Joey: Because you two were having sex!
因为你们两个在做爱！
Monica: No, we weren't!
不，我们没有！
Joey: Don't you lie to me!
别对我说谎！
Joey: I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are so lazy. Can't you get on top for once?
我从钱德的头发就可以看出来，你真懒，你就不能有一次在上面吗？
Chandler: All right, all right, we were.
好啦，好啦，我们是在做爱。
Chandler: We were trying to make a baby. Monica's ovulating, Which is more than I can say for myself as of 2:00 today.
我们是要努力怀孕，莫妮卡正在排卵，我今天下午测自己的时候都没有呢。
Monica: Guys...guys! Seriously, those sticks are expensive!
你们……你们……说真的，那些测试棒很贵的！
Joey: Well, it was unacceptable that you would have sex with Emma in the next room. I'm have to tell Rachel about this.
有艾玛在这里，你们就不能在里面做爱。我必须要告诉瑞秋这件事。
Chandler: No, no, no.
不不不。
Monica: No, please don't. Please, Joey. She will kill us!
拜托不要，她会杀了我们的！
Joey: Hey, I gotta! Unless...
嘿，我一定要，除非……
Monica: Unless what?
除非怎样？
Joey: Unless you name your firstborn child Joey.
除非你们把第一个小孩取名叫乔伊。
Chandler: What? Why?
什么？为什么？
Joey: Hey, I may never have kids, and somebody's gotta carry on my family name.
嘿，我可能永远都不会有小孩，总是要有人帮我延续家族姓氏吧。
Chandler: Your family name is Tribbiani.
你姓崔比亚尼。
Joey: You almost had me.
你差点就骗过我了。
Rachel: Well, En...
好吧，嗯……
Steve: Look...I think I know the answer to this question, but... would you like to make love to me?
听着……我想我知道这个问题的答案，但是……你想要跟我做爱吗？
Rachel: Really, really not.
真的，真的不想。
Steve: Eh, it's just as well.
只不过是问问。
Steve: Doesn't work anyway.
看来不起作用。
Rachel: All right, well, that's good to know. Good night, Steve.
好的，那就这样，晚安，史提夫。
Ross: Hey, what's wrong?
嘿，怎么了？
Rachel: I just had a rough night.
我刚度过糟糕的一晚。
Ross: Oh. Crab cake?
要蟹肉饼吗？
Rachel: Ewww!
额！
Ross: Well, what happened?
发生什么事了？
Rachel: Oh, well, I...It's kind of weird talking to you about this, but…
跟你聊这件事真的是有点奇怪，但是……
Ross: Monica told me you had a blind date.
莫妮卡跟我说你去约会了。
Rachel: Yeah.
是啊。
Ross: I did, too.
我也是。
Rachel: Oh.
哦。
Ross: But is it technically a date if the other person doesn't show up?
但是如果对方没有出现，那到底算不算是约会呢？
Rachel: Oh, oh no. Do you think she walked in, saw you and left?
喔，你觉得是她看到你，然后就走了吗？
Ross: Why does everyone keep saying that?
为什么大家要一直这样说呢？
Rachel: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wish my date hadn't shown up.
我可以让你好过点，我真希望我的对象没有出现。
Ross: That bad?
那么糟吗？
Rachel: Well, he makes T-shirts for a living, and he thought it would be appropriate to give me, this.
他是做T恤的，而且他认为送这样的礼物给我是很适当的。
Ross: Female body inspector?
“女性身体检查官”？
Ross: What size is that?
这是什么尺寸的？
Phoebe: Now wait a minute. So, they're gonna name their first child Joey?
等等，所以他们要把第一个孩子取名乔伊？
Joey: Uh-huh.
嗯哼。
Phoebe: How-how do I get them to name the-the next one after me?
那我要怎样才能让他们把第二个孩子以我的名字取名呢？
Joey: Oh, it's easy, you just, you just walk in on them having sex.
很简单，你只要在他们做爱时走进去就行了。
Phoebe: Oh, so they owe me like, three Phoebes.
喔，所以他们已经欠我三个菲比了。
Phoebe: Oh my God! Look, it's Ross and Rachel. Oh, the plan is working. Don't do the plan laugh.
我的天！瞧，那是罗斯跟瑞秋。计划奏效了。别再做那个计划成功之笑了。
Ross: The first date we've had in months, and they were both such disasters.
我们几个月以来的第一次约会，而结果却这么惨。
Rachel: Oh. Huh. You know, it is weird that Phoebe would set me up on a date that was awful on the same night that Joey set you up on a date that didn't even show.
你知道，真是奇怪……菲比帮我安排一个很烂的约会，而在同一晚，乔伊帮你安排了一个根本没有人出现的约会。
Ross: Wait a minute; You don't think it was intentional? I mean, that's just stupid.
等一下；你不会认为这是故意的吧？我是说，这实在太愚蠢了。
Joey: We're geniuses! Yeah, look at 'em, look at 'em, they're really bonding.
我们真是天才！瞧瞧他们！合得不得了，
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, they're falling in love all over again.
哦呜，是啊，再度坠入爱河了。
Phoebe: Oh, they see us. Oh, they, they look mad.
喔，他们看到我们了，看起来很生气。
Phoebe: Oh, They figured it out. They're coming this way. Run!
他们知道了，他们过来了，快跑！
Joey: Where?
跑去哪？
Phoebe: Mexico!
墨西哥！
Joey: Can you believe they're still not here?
谁敢相信她们居然还没有出现？
Ross: I know. A double blind date, and we both get stood up. What are the chances?
是啊，双对约会，我们竟然一起被放鸽子。怎么可能呢？
Joey: I know, I'm so bummed. Can we have our free crab cakes now?
我知道，我好难过。现在可以上免费的蟹肉饼了吗？
Waiter: What?
什么？
Joey: We've been stood up. And we want our free crab cakes.
我们被放鸽子了。我们想要免费的蟹肉饼。
Waiter: You were stood up here last night.
你昨晚才在这里被放鸽子。
Ross: I know. It hurts.
我知道，真是伤心。
Ross: Being stood up two night in a row has left a crab cake sized hole in my heart.
一连两晚被放鸽子，已在我心中留下像蟹肉饼一样大的伤口了。
Waiter: Guys, give it a rest. Nobody's betting on you tonight.
你们俩，不用装了，今晚没有人在拿你们打赌。
Waiter: Although we do have a pool going, to see how long it takes that guy to cry.
不过我们倒是有在赌，看那个男的多久才会哭。
Steve: I have such fat hands!
我的手好肥！
Steve: I hate my dick!
我恨我的小鸡鸡！
