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When we consider the pain that goes together with closeness, it's no surprise that many friendships result in fighting, and romantic relationships often fall apart dramatically.
当我们考虑到亲密关系所带来的痛苦时，许多友谊导致争吵也就不足为奇了，浪漫关系往往会戏剧性地破裂。
When dealing with others, we risk being betrayed, insulted, and abandoned.
在与他人打交道时，我们冒着被背叛、侮辱和抛弃的风险。
People may cross our boundaries, confront us in ways that make us uncomfortable, waste our time, and hinder us from achieving our goals.
人们可能会越过我们的界限，以让我们不舒服的方式与我们对峙，浪费我们的时间，阻碍我们实现目标。
Relationships may involve psychological and physical abuse. So, there are many reasons why we choose to stay far away from others.
人际关系可能涉及心理和身体虐待。我们选择远离他人的原因有很多。
However, after a period of distancing, when loneliness begins to overwhelm us, we tend to seek social connection again, only to re-experience the hurt of being close to people.
然而，在疏远了一段时间之后，当孤独开始压倒我们时，我们倾向于再次寻求社会联系，结果却再次体验到与人亲近的伤害。
We find ourselves in a cycle of attraction and repulsion, of seeking closeness and seeking distance.
我们发现自己处于一个吸引和排斥的循环中，寻求亲近和寻求距离。
Schopenhauer stated, and I quote: Now when the need for warmth once more brought them together, the drawback of the quills was repeated
叔本华说：现在，当对温暖的需求再次把他们聚集在一起时，羽毛笔的缺点又重复出现，
so that they were tossed between two evils, until they had discovered the proper distance from which they could best tolerate one another.
使他们在两种邪恶之间徘徊，直到他们找到了彼此最能容忍的适当距离。
Thus the need for society which springs from the emptiness and monotony of men's lives, drives them together;
因此，源于人类生活空虚和单调的社会需求，驱使他们走到一起；
but their many unpleasant and repulsive qualities and insufferable drawbacks once more drive them apart. End quote.
但他们许多令人不快和厌恶的品质以及无法忍受的缺点再次将他们分开。
Caught between two evils, the bitterness of loneliness and the pain of togetherness, the hedgehogs wonder how to deal with the situation.
刺猬被夹在两种邪恶之间，孤独的苦涩和团聚的痛苦，他们不知道该如何处理这种情况。
And so it is with people who suffer from loneliness and crave social connection: they want to escape loneliness.
那些遭受孤独并渴望社会联系的人也是如此：他们想逃避孤独。
Still, they know that closeness to other people will inevitably cause them pain. So, how do we deal with the hedgehog dilemma?
尽管如此，他们知道与他人的亲近难免会给他们带来痛苦。 那么，我们该如何处理刺猬困境？
We can identify several modes of positioning ourselves toward the hedgehog dilemma if we still want to enjoy some form of human warmth.
如果我们仍然想享受某种形式的人性温暖，我们可以确定几种将自己定位为刺猬困境的方式。
The first one is… Taking the risk. The pain isn't constant (this is where the hedgehog dilemma may be lacking).
第一个是冒险，痛苦不是持续的（刺猬困境可能缺乏这一点）。
Pain – and sometimes very intense pain – will come. But these moments of hurt are often fleeting. The stings of other people's spines likely won't be enduring.
痛苦——有时是非常剧烈的痛苦——会到来。但这些伤害的时刻往往是短暂的。别人的刺痛可能不会持续很久。
Still, the amount and frequency of pain that we encounter depend on how fortunate (or unfortunate) our dealings with people will be.
不过，我们遭遇痛苦的程度和频率取决于我们与人交往的幸运（或不幸）。
Also, different scenarios could cause pain, but not all of them necessarily occur.
此外，不同的情况可能会造成痛苦，但并非所有情况都一定会发生。
Separation because of death, for example, is inevitable, but pain as a consequence of infidelity or physical violence might never happen.
例如，因死亡而分离是不可避免的，但不忠或身体暴力造成的痛苦可能永远不会发生。
There are examples of friendship and intimate relationships that involve minimal suffering while generating the warmth of intimacy.
有些友谊和亲密关系涉及的痛苦很少，但会产生亲密的温暖。
Unfortunately, whether we'll encounter such relationships is ultimately not in our control.
不幸的是，我们是否会遇到这样的关系最终不在我们的控制范围内。
Like many before us, we might just be unlucky, causing us to distance ourselves from people again.
像我们之前的许多人一样，我们可能只是运气不好，导致我们再次疏远他人。
On the other hand, we might actually be fortunate and find relationships that generate a tolerable amount of pain. So, if we seek closeness, pain is inevitable.
另一方面，我们可能真的很幸运，找到了能产生可忍受痛苦的关系。所以，如果我们寻求亲密，痛苦是不可避免的。
But if we're lucky, it's at least endurable, and bearing it is worth the benefits.
但如果我们幸运的话，它至少是可以忍受的，忍受它是值得的。
Schopenhauer identified another way of dealing with the hedgehog dilemma: regulating our social interaction through politeness and manners.
叔本华提出了另一种解决刺猬困境的方法：通过礼貌和礼仪来规范我们的社会交往。
Doing so will create a moderate closeness to one another, but not too close.
这样做会创造适度的亲密关系，但不会太亲密。
I quote: The mean distance which they finally discover, and which enables them to endure being together, is politeness and good manners. Whoever does not keep to this, is told in England to 'keep his distance.'
他们最终发现的、使他们能够忍受在一起的中等距离是礼貌和良好的礼仪。在英国，谁不遵守这一点，就会被告知要“保持距离”。
By virtue thereof, it is true that the need for mutual warmth will be only imperfectly satisfied, but on the other hand, the prick of the quills will not be felt. End quote.
因此，相互温暖的需求确实只能得到不完美的满足，但另一方面，刺的刺痛感却不会感觉到。
It's possible to keep relationships superficial through specific codes of conduct, which allow us to interact with other people in a friendly, kind manner while keeping them at arm's length; by not revealing too much about each other.
通过特定的行为准则，我们可以保持肤浅的关系，这些行为准则使我们能够以友好善良的方式与他人互动，同时与他们保持一定距离；不要透露太多彼此的信息。
A classic example of such a code of conduct is the "how are you doing," answered with, "I'm doing good, and you?" again answered with: "good."
这种行为准则的一个典型例子是“你好吗”，回答“我很好，你呢？”再次回答“很好”。
By not sharing how we're genuinely doing (which might not be that "good"), we prevent sharing sensitive information about ourselves and avoid burdening others with our troubles.
通过不分享我们真实的生活（这可能不是那么“好”），我们避免分享关于自己的敏感信息，避免让别人为我们的烦恼所困扰。
Although interactions such as these are low-risk, friendly, and light, they aren't very significant and hardly satisfy our need for closeness.
虽然这样的互动风险低、友好、轻松，但它们并不十分重要，也很难满足我们对亲密的需求。
Another option is choosing a life of solitude, but in a way that minimizes our desire for closeness so we don't feel lonely.
另一种选择是选择孤独的生活，但要尽量减少我们对亲密的渴望，这样我们就不会感到孤独。
As Schopenhauer stated, and I quote: Yet whoever has a great deal of internal warmth of his own will prefer to keep away from society in order to avoid giving or receiving trouble or annoyance. End quote.
正如叔本华所说：然而，任何拥有大量内在温暖的人都会选择远离社会，以避免给别人带来或接受麻烦或烦恼。
Why would we need someone else's warmth if we can keep ourselves warm? A life of solitude probably isn't for everyone.
如果我们能让自己保持温暖，为什么还需要别人的温暖？孤独的生活可能并不适合每个人。
It takes incredible mental fortitude to bear being alone without eventually feeling lonely.
需要令人难以置信的精神毅力才能忍受孤独而不最终感到孤独。
Keeping ourselves warm without closeness to others means that we can somehow generate this warmth ourselves: we're happy and fulfilled in solitude.
在没有与他人亲近的情况下让自己保持温暖意味着我们可以以某种方式自己产生这种温暖：我们在孤独中感到快乐和满足。
Those rare individuals that have achieved such a state have successfully liberated themselves from the Hedgehog Dilemma. Thank you for watching.
那些达到这种状态的少数人已经成功摆脱了刺猬困境。感谢您的观看。
