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Friends make life good. They provide the scaffolding that makes it not just bearable but fun.
朋友让生活更美好。他们为生活提供支撑，让生活不仅能忍受，而且充满乐趣。
They give us a sense of meaning and purpose and are a source of security, self esteem and happiness.
他们给我们一种意义和目的感，是安全感、自尊心和幸福感的源泉。
Almost nothing predicts how happy you will be as how connected you feel and a lack of social connection is associated with a number of diseases and a shorter life.
几乎没有什么可以预测你会有多幸福，因为你的联系感和缺乏社会联系与许多疾病和更短的寿命有关。
But maybe you have scrolled through your phone, unsure who to call to go to a movie with, to celebrate with or ask for comfort.
但也许你浏览过手机，不知道该叫谁一起看电影，和谁一起庆祝或寻求安慰。
You may realize that you don't have enough friends and feel lonely. And it is not just you.
你可能会意识到你没有足够的朋友，感到孤独。而且不只是你这样。
Disconnectedness and loneliness are widespread. Many people want more close friends but don't know how to get them.
分离和孤独很普遍。很多人想要更多亲密的朋友，但不知道如何获得。
Surprisingly nowadays loneliness is highest among young people – whose relationships were also hit especially hard by the global pandemic.
令人惊讶的是，如今年轻人的孤独感最高，他们的人际关系也受到了全球疫情的严重打击。
Social distancing stopped teens and young adults from mingling in classrooms, clubs or dorms.
社交距离阻止了青少年和年轻人在教室、俱乐部或宿舍里交往。
Millions of friendships, maybe lifelong friendships, that might have blossomed will never exist.
数以百万计的友谊，也许是终生的友谊，可能永远不会存在。
With profound long term consequences for our collective happiness. The good news is that it is not too late and there are lots of friends to be found.
对我们的集体幸福产生深远的长期影响。好消息是现在还不算太晚，还有很多朋友可以找。
We'll mix scientific information with actionable advice in this video, but we can't address every individual situation. People, cultures and schedules are different.
我们会在这个视频中将科学信息与可行的建议相结合，但我们无法解决每种情况。人、文化和时间表都不同。
If you suffer from chronic loneliness you can also watch the video we made about it.
如果您患有慢性孤独症，您也可以观看我们制作的有关此问题的视频。
Ok. As with all important things in life, making friends is infuriatingly simple but not necessarily easy. But it works through a few pretty straight forward mechanisms.
与生活中所有重要的事情一样，交朋友非常简单，但并不一定容易。但它通过一些非常直接的机制发挥作用。
The Most Important Thing about Making Friends. People make friends with other people when they spend casual time together.
交朋友最重要的事情。人们在一起度过休闲时光时会与其他人交朋友。
This is how our ancestors formed their relationships, because humans lived in small, close knit communities in which options for making friends were limited, so we just formed good relationships with the people who were around us.
这就是我们的祖先建立关系的方式，因为人类生活在小而紧密的社区中，交朋友的选择有限，所以我们只是与周围的人建立良好的关系。
This is why it is so easy to form new friendships in school and university. Society locks you and your peers in a building for several years. You share similar activities but more importantly: Similar schedules.
这就是为什么在学校和大学里建立新友谊如此容易。社会将你和你的同龄人锁在一栋建筑里好几年。你们有相似的活动，但更重要的是：相似的时间表。
Overlapping and fluctuating social circles form naturally giving you regular facetime and shared experiences with many different people.
重叠和波动的社交圈自然形成，让你定期与许多不同的人见面并分享经历。
Time to find others with similar worldviews or senses of humor. Proximity can be more important than similar interests.
是时候找到有相似世界观或幽默感的人了。距离可能比兴趣更重要。
One study found that in student dormitories, the distance between rooms was the strongest friendship predictor – living closer together meant a higher chance of becoming friends.
一项研究发现，在学生宿舍里，房间之间的距离是友谊的最强预测因素——住得越近，成为朋友的机会就越大。
Another study showed that being physically present in a class a lot, without saying a word, makes others more sympathetic to you.
另一项研究表明，经常出现在课堂上而不说一句话，会让别人对你更有同情心。
So the most important principle of making friends is to regularly spend time with people in the real world.
所以交朋友最重要的原则是经常和现实世界中的人共度时光。
This alone can make it happen automatically and trumps all other advice. But don't forget that making friends is not a numbers game or a competition, don't compare yourself to others.
仅凭这一点就可以让它自动发生，胜过所有其他建议。但不要忘记，交朋友不是数字游戏或竞争，不要拿自己和别人比较。
Everyone has a social calibrator that can change as you go through life. Maybe you were more introverted as a teen but yearn for connection in your twenties.
每个人都有一个社交校准器，它会随着你的生活而改变。也许你十几岁时比较内向，但二十几岁时渴望与人交往。
Maybe you were part of sprawling social circles but prefer fewer friends in your thirties. There is no right or wrong, only right for you.
也许你曾是庞大社交圈的一部分，但三十几岁时却喜欢少交朋友。没有对错之分，只有适合自己的。
Why we don't have enough friends. The main reason for a lack of friendships is the trite fact that most people do not prioritize friendships nearly enough.
为什么我们没有足够的朋友。缺乏友谊的主要原因已是老生常谈：大多数人对友谊的重视不够。
They don't realize until it is too late, that retaining friendships demands regular energy and attention.
他们直到为时已晚才意识到，维持友谊需要定期的精力和关注。
Although they are so important for happiness, friends often take a backseat to other life decisions.
尽管友谊对幸福如此重要，但友谊往往在其他生活决定中处于次要地位。
Work, commuting, romance or kids take up so much time and energy that it is so much easier to crash on your couch and lose yourself in mindless activities.
工作、通勤、恋爱或孩子占用了太多的时间和精力，你很容易躺在沙发上，沉迷于无意义的活动。
Especially as an adult, going for a bike ride, getting dinner or visiting a hobby store takes much more mental effort and commitment than it did after school, when time ran slower and energy and curiosity were abundant.
尤其是作为一个成年人，骑自行车、吃晚餐或逛兴趣商店需要比放学后更多的精力和投入，那时时间过得更慢，精力和好奇心也更充沛。
But it is not just adults who are too busy for friends. The average American teenager spends more time on Tik Tok every day, than socializing at parties, events or on the phone with friends combined.
但不仅仅是成年人太忙而没有时间交朋友。美国青少年平均每天在抖音上花费的时间比在聚会、活动或与朋友打电话上的时间总和还要多。
Established friendships don't require the same time investment as early friendships to keep up – but they do require some commitment.
已经建立的友谊不需要像早期的友谊那样投入那么多时间，但确实需要一些承诺。
As life distracts you, it's easy to skip out on checking in when a friend goes through exciting or depressing times.
当生活分散你的注意力时，当朋友经历兴奋或沮丧的时刻时，你很容易忽略与他的联系。
And so many friendships fade for lack of attention, often by accident. Which is extra tragic because there is never only one person losing a friend. It's always at least two.
许多友谊因缺乏关注而消退，通常是无意的。这更加悲惨，因为失去朋友的人从来都不止一个人。总是至少两个人。
Another thing that makes many people vulnerable is the way friendship networks are structured.
另一个让许多人脆弱的因素是友谊网络的结构方式。
The friendship paradox is the phenomenon that on average, most people have fewer friends than their friends.
友谊悖论是一种现象，即平均而言，大多数人的朋友比他们的朋友少。
Which makes sense, since you are more likely to be friends with someone who has many friends, than with someone who has few.
这是有道理的，因为你更可能与朋友多的人成为朋友，而不是朋友少的人。
Rather than being densely interconnected, friend networks are often built around central hubs.
朋友网络通常围绕中心枢纽建立，而不是密集联系。
So if central people disappear from your life, this can deprive you of many connections at once.
如果中心人物从你的生活中消失，你可能会同时失去许多联系。
And it can lead to a distorted self perception: that you are less popular than others, although you are perfectly average. It can get worse quickly with big life events.
这会导致一种扭曲的自我认知：虽然你很普通，但你不如别人受欢迎。在重大生活事件中，这种情况会迅速恶化。
Maybe you moved for school, work or love and are left without social networks. Or you had a break up that left you with the smaller part of the formerly shared social pie.
也许你因为学校、工作或爱情而搬家，没有社交网络。或者你分手了，让你在以前共享的社交圈子中只占了一小部分。
The reasons why you find yourself with less connection than you want are as diverse as people, but the underlying cause is almost always: Time. There is no shortcut.
发现自己联系不畅的原因多种多样，但根本原因几乎都是：时间。没有捷径可走。
To make new friends and retain friendships you have to prioritize relationships, spend time with people in real life and make them feel that you care.
要结交新朋友并保持友谊，你必须优先考虑人际关系，在现实生活中花时间与人相处，让他们感到被在乎。
So take a look at yourself and rebalance what you spend your life doing. How to make new Friends. Studies have shown that new friendships can develop quite quickly, weeks after you meet someone.
看看自己，重新平衡你一生所做的事情。如何结交新朋友。研究表明，新友谊可以在你认识某人几周后迅速发展。
But it takes a few months for a casual friendship to become a close relationship – with the biggest impediment being time invested and the quality of your interactions.
但是，从普通朋友到亲密关系需要几个月的时间——最大的障碍是投入的时间和互动的质量。
