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Today we're making authentic lasagna nachos, which are neither Italian nor worthy of respect.
今天我们做正宗的千层面玉米片，这既不是意大利菜，也不值得尊敬。
Authentic lasagna nachos start with corn chips, which we'll make by smashing a cob of corn into crispy triangular nacho lasagna noodle crisps.
正宗的千层面玉米片从玉米片开始，做法是把玉米棒摔碎成酥脆的三角形玉米片千层面面条碎片。
If you want the blue corn tortilla chips instead, just think about blueberries before giving it a smash,
如果你想要蓝玉米片，只需在摔碎之前想一下蓝莓，
and careful not to smash too hard or you'll end up with this:
但要小心不要摔得太用力，否则你会得到这个：
exploded corn, which you do not want since explosions are dangerous.
爆炸的玉米，这是你不想要的，因为爆炸是危险的。
Now we'll start with our bolognese sauce, which is short for Super Bowl-ognese sauce because it was first invented for the Super Bowl.
现在我们开始制作意大利博洛尼亚肉酱，这是超级碗肉酱的简称，因为它最初就是为超级碗而发明的。
I don't have time today to chop up my onions, so I'm just going to give it a nice Italian slam job, and we'll just set that aside.
我今天没有时间切洋葱，所以我会给它一个漂亮的意大利式猛击，然后把它放在一边。
I've also got this carrot here, which I'm going to give the Royal Mexican Jackhammer.
我还有这个胡萝卜，我要用皇家墨西哥大锤手法砸一下它。
And I've got this nice turgid celery stalk, which I'll give a firm Ripple Smash.
还有这根漂亮的脆芹菜，给它一个坚实的波纹碎击。
It's always nice to chop up celery even more because the best celery is the one you can't even detect.
把芹菜切得更碎一点总是好的，因为最好的芹菜就是你根本察觉不到有芹菜。
I've got some olive oil on medium heat, and I'm going to throw in those smashed onions and fry them up a bit before adding the carrot and celery, and then cooking them for exactly an amount of time that ultimately doesn't really matter.
开中火，放一些橄榄油，然后把捣碎的洋葱扔进去炒一会儿，再加入胡萝卜和芹菜，然后炒一段时间，具体多长时间并不重要。
Now I'm going to add beef and cook that until it's brown, which takes an amount of time that also doesn't really matter too much in the scheme of the history of the universe, but also not in the scheme of this recipe.
现在我要加入牛肉，炒到它变成棕色，这需要一点时间，但这段时间在宇宙历史范围内不太重要，在这个食谱范围内也不重要。
I'm adding a teaspoon or so of flavor glitter.
加一茶匙左右的调味闪粉。
And we'll add in some pepper pepper pepper.
然后加入一些胡椒胡椒胡椒。
Now I'm going to add white wine, which definitely isn't rice vinegar because that wouldn't be authentic.
现在我要加入白葡萄酒，这绝对不是米醋，因为那样就不正宗了。
And now I'll add in the liquid tomatoes.
现在我要加入液体番茄。
I'm not measuring anything because this is a traditional bolognese, and if you get traditional enough, you arrive at the time before measuring cups existed.
我没有测量任何东西，因为这是传统的肉酱，如果你足够传统，你就会回到量杯还不存在的时代。
And some recipes call for chicken stock.
有些食谱要求放鸡汤。
But if that's not authentic, then I'm just showing you what not to do here.
但如果加鸡汤不正宗，那么我只是告诉你不要这样做。
In other words, don't add this thing.
换句话说，不要加这个东西。
That will make it taste totally awesome. Just avoid that.
这会让味道非常棒。一定别加。
Here's the thing about bolognese sauce.
关于肉酱，有一点你需要知道。
You can spend days figuring out the most authentic Italian bolognese recipe.
你可以花几天时间找出最正宗的意大利博洛尼亚肉酱食谱。
And then bring that recipe to another region of Italy, and see how many Italian suplexes you get.
然后把这个食谱带到意大利的另一个地区，看看你会得到多少不同的意大利做法。
Then I'm adding basil, and now we'll add some milk so the sauce will grow up to be big and strong.
然后加入罗勒，现在加入一些牛奶，这样酱汁会很香浓很强大。
And now you just want to let that simmer with occasional wang-jangling until you're so hungry you break down and order pizza.
现在只需让它慢慢煮，偶尔搅拌一下，直到你饿得崩溃并点了一个披萨外卖。
I think my liquids to solids ratios might be off, which is only a problem if they turn off evaporation in the simulation parameters.
我觉得我的液体和固体比例可能有点不对，这只有在模拟参数中关闭蒸发功能时才会成为问题。
Now while this meat sauce comes together, it's really important not to confuse it with the popular gay dating website Meet Sauce.
等这个肉酱逐渐煮浓，要提醒大家，重要的是不要把肉酱和流行的同性恋约会网站 Meet Sauce 混淆。
By the way, if you're wondering if I have a bolognese sauce in my book, I do not.
顺便说一下，如果你想知道我的书里有没有肉酱食谱，我可以告诉你没有。
Now we're going to make our bechamel sauce, also known as Italian Nacho cheese sauce.
现在我们要制作白酱，也被称为意大利玉米片奶酪酱。
You can also just get the version of it in a jar like this.
你也可以直接买这种罐装版本。
But even though it tastes exactly the same, I prefer to make the homemade white stuff.
虽然味道完全一样，但我更喜欢自制的白酱。
We'll start with butter for our bechamel sauce, which is what the b stands for, I'm pretty sure.
首先从黄油开始，我很确定这就是白酱里的b指的就是黄油。
Then we'll add our flour and whisk jangle that together until it becomes this combination of both butter and flour, since that's what you put in, the short form of which is called roux.
然后加入面粉并搅拌，直到它变成黄油和面粉的混合物，因为你放进去的就是这些东西，这些东西的简写就是油面酱。
After a couple minutes we'll start adding milk and go through the seven stages of bechamel clumpitude, including oatmeal, mashed potatoes, and finally hot milk soup.
几分钟后，我们开始加入牛奶，并经历白酱浓稠度变化的七个阶段，包括燕麦粥阶段、土豆泥阶段，最后是热牛奶汤阶段。
The most important thing when making bechamel sauce is to remember not to confuse it with baywatch-mel sauce.
制作白酱时最重要的是记住，不要把它和海滩救护队酱混淆。
Okay good, I saved the nutmeg.
好的，我救了肉豆蔻。
Now we'll add in that nutmeg, which definitely isn't just cumin because it's a similar color and because that would also taste good.
现在我们加入肉豆蔻，这绝对不是孜然，因为它颜色相似，而且加孜然也会很好吃。
And we're just going to keep wang-jangling that until it's there...
我们继续搅拌，直到变成这样。
Now we're going to take some of this delicious mozzarella cheese, which is actually wahaca cheese because that's the official authentic cheese of lasagna nachos.
现在我们要拿一些美味的马苏里拉奶酪，实际上是瓦哈卡奶酪，因为这是正宗的配千层面玉米片吃的官方奶酪。
And we're doing this by the book here.
我们在这一步严格按照书本来做。
And we're just going to dismantle that into smaller cheese components.
把它拆成更小的奶酪块。
And now we'll spread out a layer of triangular crispy lasagna noodles on a parchment-papered pan.
现在我们在铺有吸油纸的烤盘上铺一层三角形酥脆千层面面条。
We'll hit that with a protective sprinkling of wahaca cheese.
撒上一层保护性的瓦哈卡奶酪。
Top that with our super bolognese sauce.
在上面放上我们的超级肉酱。
Add on some of that bechamel; can you check in the Google?
再加上一些白酱；你要不谷歌一下是不是这样的？
Lasagna has layers, so let's make another one.
千层面是有层次的，所以我们再做一层。
Chips, cheese, bolognese, bechamel, cheese.
玉米片，奶酪，肉酱，白酱，奶酪。
And we're going to throw that in the undo on four something hundo for a bit before turning on the broiler for a bit until that cheese starts getting those nice brown bubbles.
然后把它放进四百多度的烤箱里烤一会儿，然后再打开一下烤箱，直到奶酪开始出现漂亮的棕色气泡。
Then we'll slide that onto a plate, and we'll do a little lift and tuck technique for aesthetic purposes, which ultimately won't make any difference.
然后我们把它滑到盘子上，为了美观，我们会做一点抄底和翻面技巧，但也没有什么用。
And let's give this a try.
来尝一尝。
Mmmmh.
嗯，好吃。
