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Today we're gonna make super deluxe oven roasted mustard string beans.
今天我们做超级豪华的烤箱烤芥末四季豆。
What we're gonna do is take one large string bean, and then just give it a firm (whack).
首先拿一根大四季豆，然后给它狠狠一摔。
Just pick up the pieces that didn't break down.
把没有摔碎的碎片捡起来吃掉。
These stems are the reason that only one in 4 billion people cook string beans every year.
这些茎就是为什么每年只有40亿分之一的人做四季豆。
Now you can cut each stem off with a knife, but the repetitive motion will literally put you to sleep.
你可以用刀把每根茎切下来，但是重复的动作真的会让你无聊到睡着。
Which is really dangerous because you might end up having a nightmare.
睡着真的很危险，因为你可能会做噩梦。
So to be safe you wanna switch it up and use a different technique for each bean.
所以为了安全起见，你要换一种方法，每一根四季豆用不同的方法切。
So we got the first one cut with a knife.
我们先用刀切第一根，
We'll remove the next one with a fork, we'll take the next one off with a spoon, you can use your favorite wrestler.
然后用叉子切第二根，再用勺子切第三根，你可以用你最喜欢的锅铲。
We're making good progress here.
进展很顺利。
Use your pepper pepper pepper.
用胡椒罐子。
You can work it down with a nail file.
用指甲锉刀。
You can liquid paper it and serve it on a white plate so no one can see it.
你可以用修正液把它涂掉，然后把它放在白色盘子里，这样就没人能看到了。
Use some 2-grit sandpaper and grind it off.
用2号砂纸把它磨掉。
You can slam it on the cupboard door, burn it off with the power of fire.
你可以把它用橱柜门夹掉，用火的力量把它烧掉。
Tape one to your skateboard, then totally thrash until it grinds off.
贴在滑板上，然后让它不断在地上摩擦直到磨掉。
You can dip the stem in hydrochloric acid.
可以把它浸入盐酸中。
You can brush its teeth.That's more just for hygiene.
可以给它刷牙，只是为了卫生。
Use a vacuum.
用吸尘器。
Use your nose hair trimmer.
用鼻毛修剪器。
Use your junk hair trimmer.
用旧剃刀。
Photoshop the stem off, then pluck it.
用PS把茎去掉，然后把它摘下来。
Use the power of literature.
用知识的力量。
You can make it feel really insecure, that's just to be mean.
你可以让它非常没有安全感，这只是为了欺负它。
You can use reverse psychology.
你可以利用逆反心理。
You know what guys?
你们知道吗？
I don't think this bean is tough enough to de-stem itself.
我不认为这根豆子足够坚强，可以自己去茎。
Ash it like a cigarette.
像香烟一样把它弹掉。
Use a loose tooth method.
用拔掉松动牙齿的方法。
Cool it with ice until the stem is very brittle, line it up with a hard object, then cut it off with a pair of scissors.
用冰块冷却它，直到茎变得非常脆，然后把它和硬物对齐，然后用剪刀剪掉。
Okay, I'm not gonna show you every technique, cause some of them are private.
好吧，我不会把所有办法都展示给你看，因为其中一些办法很私密。
Give them a toss, so they got all dried off.
抖一抖，把水抖掉。
Pour the oil right into the strainer, get them coated, a little pepper pepper pepper, some salt.
把油直接倒入筐里，让它们裹上油，加入一点胡椒，一些盐。
Toss them some more, this way the excess oil will drain off, so they're not cooking in a pool of oil.
再抖一抖，把多余的油抖掉，免得烤的时候豆子都泡在油里。
And then the secret weapon -- whole grain mustard.
然后是秘密武器：颗粒芥末籽酱。
So spread those pretty evenly.
把豆子均匀铺开。
Take a second and admire the beauty.
暂停一秒，欣赏豆子的美丽。
Four hundred -- let's onion-chuck 'em.
四百度，送进烤箱。
If you want to go fancier than string beans, you can make string braids.
如果你想比普通四季豆更花哨一些，你可以用四季豆编辫子。
Cutting your bean into three, but leave it attached at the bottom.
把豆子分成三部分，但底部要保持相连。
Then, you just cross over each one till it's braided.
然后每一条都交叉，直到编成辫子。
Then, take some green tape to camouflage it, and then cook that, and then I'm pretty sure you can digest the tape.
然后用绿色胶带把它伪装起来，直接这样烤，我相信你可以消化掉胶带。
Should be fine.
应该不会出人命。
Shit, give them a good wrestling, flip, so forth, and whatnot.
该死，搅和搅和，翻面，等等，诸如此类。
Bye!
再见！
(Approximately 10 more minutes ish)
(大约再烤10分钟左右)
Ow!
豆子咬人！
Finish them with some of your freshest salt.
最后撒一些最新鲜的盐。
These beans will taste good anywhere from just barely cooked to almost burnt.
从还不怎么熟到几乎烤糊了，不管烤到什么程度都很好吃。
So just go with your own texturanial preference.
所以就按照你自己的口感喜好来做吧。
And if you do end up burning the living hell out of them,
就算你最终把豆子全烤糊了，
Oh boy, oh boy, do I have something that could save you?
哦，孩子啊，孩子，我拿什么拯救你？
I lied when i said I was gonna play a funny song.
我说我要放一首有趣的歌，我其实是骗你的。
Cause it's time for me to go to bed.
因为我该睡觉了。
You suck at cooking, oh my god, you suck
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
Keep your stems in a special place. Forever.
把剪下来的茎保存在特别的地方，永远保存。
