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Then the telephone rings. Every time, his first thought is: They've found her.
这时电话铃响了。每次，他的第一反应都是：他们找到她了。
In that instant, a tiny part of him shouts that it's all a mix-up, a case of mistaken identity, a bad dream.
就在那一刻，他内心的一小部分喊道，这全是误会，是认错人了，是一场噩梦。
Then the rest of him, which knows better, pulls him down with a sickening thud: You saw her.
然后他的其他部分，更清楚的是，一声令人作呕的重击把他打倒在地：你看见她了。
And he remembers again, with awful clarity, her swollen hands, her pale and waxen face.
他又非常清楚地回忆起她那肿胀的双手，苍白而蜡黄的脸。
It is because of this that his voice, when he answers the phone, always trembles.
正因如此，他接电话时声音总是发抖。
"Mr. Lee?" It's Officer Fiske. "I hope it's not too early to call. How are you this morning?"
“李先生？”是菲斯克警官。“我希望现在打电话还不算太早。你今天早上好吗？”
"Fine," James says. Everyone asks this, and by now it is an automatic lie.
“很好，”詹姆斯说。每个人都会问这个问题，到目前为止，这是一个无意识的谎言。
"Well, Mr. Lee," Officer Fiske says, and James knows now it is bad news.
“好的，李先生，”警官菲斯克说，詹姆斯现在知道这是个坏消息。
No one called you by name so insistently unless they were trying to be kind.
没有人会一直叫你的名字，除非他们是尽力表现得友好。
"I'm calling to let you know that we've decided to close our investigation. We are ruling this case a suicide."
“我打电话是想告诉你，我们已经决定结束调查。我们裁定这是一起自杀案件。”
James has to repeat these words to himself before he understands. "Suicide?" Officer Fiske pauses.
詹姆斯必须对自己重复这些话才能理解。“自杀？”菲克斯警官停顿了一下。
"Nothing in police work is ever sure, Mr. Lee. I wish it were. It's not like the movies—things are hardly ever clear-cut."
“在警察的工作中，没有什么是百分百确定的，李先生，但愿如此。这和电影不一样——事情几乎从来都没有确切的答案。”
He does not like breaking bad news, and he takes refuge in official language.
他不喜欢透露坏消息，总是用官方语言逃避。
"Circumstances suggest suicide is by far the most likely scenario. No evidence of foul play. A history of loneliness. Her grades were slipping. Going out on the lake when she knew she couldn't swim."
“情况表明，目前最有可能是自杀。没有谋杀的证据。只有一段孤独的历史。她的成绩在下滑。当她知道自己不会游泳的时候，就去湖上游泳。”
James bows his head, and Officer Fiske continues. His tone is gentler now, like a father consoling a young child.
詹姆斯低下头，菲斯克警官继续说。他的语气现在温和多了，就像一个父亲在安慰一个年幼的孩子。
"We know this isn't easy for you and your family, Mr. Lee. We hope this at least helps you move on." "Thank you," James says.
“我们知道这对你和你的家人来说不容易接受，李先生。我们希望这至少能帮助你继续向前看。”“谢谢，”詹姆斯说。
He sets the receiver back on its hook. Behind him, Marilyn hovers in the doorway, one hand on the jamb. "Who was it?" she asks.
他挂断电话。在他身后，玛丽琳在门口徘徊，一只手放在门框上。“是谁？”她问道。
By the way she clutches her robe, tight over her heart, James knows she's already heard everything.
从她紧紧抓着长袍，捂着心口的样子，詹姆斯知道她已经听到了一切。
She flicks the light switch, and in the sudden brightness, he feels exposed and raw.
她打开灯，房间突然变亮，他觉得自己暴露在外，很不舒服。
"They can't close the case," Marilyn says. "Whoever did this is still out there."
“他们无法结案，”玛丽琳说。“凶手还在逍遥法外。”
"Whoever did this? The police think—" James pauses. "They don't think there was anyone else involved."
“这是谁干的？警察认为——”詹姆斯停顿了一下。“他们认为没有其他人牵涉其中。”
"They don't know her. Someone must have taken her out there. Lured her."
“他们不认识她。一定是有人把她带到那里去，然后引诱她。”
Marilyn hesitates, the cigarettes and condoms surfacing in her mind, but anger muscles them aside and turns her voice shrill.
玛丽琳犹豫了一下，香烟和安全套浮现在她的脑海里，但愤怒把它们推到一边，她的声音变得尖锐起来。
"She wouldn't have gone out there by herself. Do you think I don't know my own daughter?" James does not reply.
“她不会一个人出去的。你以为我不了解自己的女儿吗？”詹姆斯没有回答。
All he can think is: If we'd never moved here. If she had never seen the lake.
他满脑子想的都是：如果我们没搬到这里来。如果她从未见过这个湖。
The silence between them thickens, like ice, and Marilyn shivers. "You believe them, don't you?" she says. "You think she did this thing."
他们之间的沉默越来越浓，像冰一样，玛丽琳颤抖着。“你相信他们，是不是？”她说。“你认为是她自己做的。”
She cannot bring herself to use the word suicide; the mere thought of it sets her aboil again.
她无法使用“自杀”这个词；只要一想到“自杀”，她就又勃然大怒。
Lydia would never do such a thing to her family. To her mother. How could James believe it?
莉迪亚决不会对她的家人做这种事，决不会对她母亲做这种事。詹姆斯怎么能相信呢？
"They just want to close the case. Easier to stop looking than to do any real work."
“他们只是想结案。停止寻找比做任何真正的工作更容易。”
Marilyn's voice quivers, and she clenches her hands, as if stilling them will still the trembling inside her. "If she were a white girl, they'd keep looking."
玛丽琳声音颤抖着，她握紧双手，仿佛使它们平静下来就能消除她内心的颤抖。“如果她是白人女孩，他们会一直找下去。”
A rock plummets into James's gut. In all their time together, white has been only the color of paper, of snow, of sugar.
一块石头径直砸进了詹姆斯的肚子。在他们一起生活的所有时间里，白色只是纸的颜色，雪的颜色，糖的颜色。
Chinese—if it is mentioned at all—is a kind of chequers, a kind of fire drill, a kind of takeout, one James doesn't care for.
如果提到中国的话，那是跳棋，消防演习，外卖，一种詹姆斯不喜欢的东西。
