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As her brother had long ago, Lydia counted them: nine. "You know you're the only girl in this school who's not white?" "Yeah? I didn't realize." This was a lie.
正如她哥哥很久以前数过的那样，一共有九个雀斑。“你知道你是这所学校里唯一一个不是白人的女孩吗？”“是吗？我没有意识到。”这是个谎言。
Even with blue eyes, she could not pretend she blended in.
即使有一双蓝眼睛，她也无法假装融入。
"You and Nath, you're practically the only Chinese people in the whole of Middlewood, I bet." "Probably."
“我敢肯定，你和纳是整个米德尔伍德唯二的中国人。”“也许吧。”
Jack settled back into his seat and rubbed at a small dent in the plastic of the steering wheel.
杰克坐回座位，在方向盘的塑料上摩擦出一个小凹痕。
Then, after a moment, he said, "What's that like?" "What's it like?" Lydia hesitated. Sometimes you almost forgot: that you didn't look like everyone else.
过了一会儿，他说：“那是怎样的?”“什么是怎样的？”莉迪亚犹豫了。有时你几乎忘记：你和其他人不一样。
In homeroom or at the drugstore or at the supermarket, you listened to morning announcements or dropped off a roll of film or picked out a carton of eggs and felt like just another someone in the crowd. Sometimes you didn’t think about it at all.
在集合教室里，在药店里，在超市里，你听着早晨的广播，或者扔下一卷胶卷，或者挑出一盒鸡蛋，感觉自己就像人群中的另一个人。有时候你根本就没有考虑过这个问题。
And then sometimes you noticed the girl across the aisle watching, the pharmacist watching, the checkout boy watching, and you saw yourself reflected in their stares: incongruous.
有时你会注意到过道对面的女孩在看着你，药剂师在看着你，结账的男孩在看着你，你会从他们眼神中看到格格不入的自己。
Catching the eye like a hook. Every time you saw yourself from the outside, the way other people saw you, you remembered all over again.
像钩子一样引人注目。每次你从外面看到自己，就像别人看你一样，你就会重新想起。
You saw it in the sign at the Peking Express—a cartoon man with a coolie hat, slant eyes, buckteeth, and chopsticks.
你在《北平快车》上看到一个卡通人物，戴着一顶苦力帽，斜着眼睛，长着龅牙，还拿着筷子。
You saw it in the little boys on the playground, stretching their eyes to slits with their fingers—Chinese—Japanese—look at these—
你在操场上的小男孩们身上看到了，他们用手指把眼睛眯成缝——中国人——日本人——看看这些——
and in the older boys who muttered ching chong ching chong ching as they passed you on the street, just loud enough for you to hear.
还有那些大一点的男孩，他们在街上从你身边经过时，嘴里嘟囔着“ching chong”，声音大得刚好能让你听见。
You saw it when waitresses and policemen and bus drivers spoke slowly to you, in simple words, as if you might not understand.
当女服务员、警察和公交车司机慢慢对你说话时，你就会了解这一点。
You saw it in photos, yours the only black head of hair in the scene, as if you'd been cut out and pasted in.
你在照片中看到，你的头发是画面中唯一的黑发，就好像你是被剪下来然后贴上去的。
You thought: Wait, what's she doing there? And then you remembered that she was you.
你会想：等等，她在那里做什么？然后你会想起她就是你。
You kept your head down and thought about school, or space, or the future, and tried to forget about it. And you did, until it happened again.
你低着头，想象着学校、太空、未来，试图忘记一切。你做到了，直到同样的事情再次发生。
"I dunno," she said. "People decide what you're like before they even get to know you." She eyed him, suddenly fierce.
“我不知道，”她说。“人们甚至在认识你之前就已经决定了你是什么样的人。”她看着他，眼神突然变得凶狠起来。
"Kind of like you did with me. They think they know all about you. Except you're never who they think you are."
“就像你对我做的那样。他们认为他们了解你的一切。只不过你从来都不是他们认为的那种人。”
Jack stayed silent for a long time, staring down at the castle in the center of the steering wheel. They would never be friends now.
杰克沉默了很长一段时间，低头凝视着方向盘中心的城堡。他们现在不会是朋友了。
He hated Nath, and after what she'd just said, he would hate her, too. He would kick her out of the car and drive away.
他恨纳，在她说了那些话之后，他也会恨她。他会把她踢出车外，然后开车离开。
Then, to Lydia's surprise, Jack pulled the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and held it out. A peace offering. Lydia did not wonder where they would go.
接着，令莉迪亚吃惊的是，杰克从口袋里掏出那包香烟，递了过去。谢罪的礼物。莉迪亚并不好奇他们要去哪儿。
She did not think, then, about what excuse she'd offer her mother, the excuse that—with an inspired smirk—would be her cover for all her afternoons with Jack: that she'd stayed after school to do physics extra credit.
她没有考虑给母亲找什么借口，带着一种灵光一闪的傻笑，这个借口将为她和杰克在一起的所有下午打掩护：放学后留下来修物理额外的学分。
She did not even think about Nath's shocked and anxious face when he learned where she had been.
她甚至没有想到纳得知她去了哪里后震惊而焦虑的表情。
Looking out over the lake, she could not know that in three months she would be at its bottom.
望着湖面，她不知道三个月后她就会沉入湖底。
At that moment she simply took the proffered cigarette and, as Jack flicked the lighter, touched its tip to the flame.
在那一刻，她只是接过递过来的香烟，杰克轻弹打火机点烟。
