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Hey, Psyc2Goers, let's just be real for a second. Relationships are hard.
嘿，Psyc2Go的观众们，让我们现实一点吧。维护恋爱关系很难。
It takes a lot of work and a lot of practice to get things right in a relationship since they're all different.
投入大量的工作和练习才能让一段关系正常维持，因为关系各不相同。
But are there some universal no-nos that we should be aware of?
但是否有一些我们应该注意的普遍禁忌呢?
Yes, no matter how old, new, strong or weak your relationship is, there are many habits we form that can harm a relationship.
是的，无论你们的关系是老、是新、是强、是弱，我们养成的许多习惯都会损害你们的关系。
Let's avoid that whole minefield all together.
让我们一起来避雷。
Here are six habits that can harm any relationship.
以下是6个会伤害任何关系的习惯。
Number one, not having clear and open communication.
第一，缺乏明确和坦诚的沟通。
Communication is arguably one of if not the most important thing in a relationship.
在一段关系中，沟通可以说是最重要的事情之一。
It's not just about talking though, it's also about listening and reacting.
这不仅仅是交谈，也是倾听和反应。
Do you and your partner know that you can come to each other with anything?
你和伴侣知道你们可以向对方倾诉任何事情吗?
Do you both talk about what's going on in your personal lives?
你们两个有没有谈论过你们的私生活？
This is a sign of a strong relationship.
这是两人关系牢靠的标志。
But if you're scared to tell your partner something because of their potential reaction,
但是，如果你因为对方的潜在反应而不敢告诉对方某件事，
or even not telling them something because you assumed they already know,
或者，因为你以为对方已经知道了而不敢告诉对方某件事，
these are all signs of poor communication skills, which rob the relationship of the bonding experience.
这些都是沟通能力差的表现，会让你们的关系失去亲密的体验。
Number two, projecting your feelings onto your partner.
第二，把你的感觉投射到你的伴侣身上。
Take something as simple as dinner.
吃点像晚餐这样简单的东西。
You maybe had a rough day, so you look for a quick dinner option like takeout.
你可能度过了艰难的一天，所以你会寻找一种快速的晚餐，比如外卖。
If your partner asks you what you wanna do for dinner, you might assume they want you to cook.
如果你的伴侣问你晚餐想做什么，你可能会认为他们想让你做饭。
But in reality, your partner doesn't know how you're feeling.
但在现实中，你的伴侣不知道你的感受。
And you're kind of projecting your thoughts and feelings onto your partner when they really just wanted to know what's for dinner.
你把你的想法和感觉投射到你的伴侣身上，而他们实际上只是想知道晚餐吃什么。
Thinking for your partner and assuming can severely damage any relationship.
为你的伴侣考虑和假设伴侣的想法会严重破坏任何关系。
Number three, having boundary issues.
第三，有边界问题。
Boundaries are important in relationships.
边界在人际关系中很重要。
When it comes to boundaries, you wanna use the three C's, clear, consistent, and communicated.
当谈到界限时，你需要三个词：明确、一致、沟通。
Let's say you do an artsy hobby and don't like it when people touch your supplies, is the boundary clear?
比方说，你有一个艺术爱好，不喜欢别人碰你的用品，界限清楚吗？
Is it all supplies or just paints? Is this boundary consistent?
这些都是补给品还是只是绘画作品?这个界限一致吗？
Do you not want your partner to touch the supplies ever or is it just whenever you feel upset at them?
你是永远不想让你的伴侣碰这些补给品，还是只在你不高兴的时候不能碰？
Is the boundary communicated?
是否传达了这个界限？
Did you ask them politely not to touch your supplies or are you assuming they know?
你有没有礼貌地要求他们不要碰你的补给品，还是你认为他们知道？
Once a clear, consistent, and communicated boundary has been set, show that person you respect and care about them by respecting their boundary.
一旦设定了明确、一致的界限，且对此进行了传达，尊重他们的界限，以此来表达你对他们的尊重和关心。
If they don't like me touching their supplies, I won't.
如果他们不喜欢我碰他们的补给品，我就不会碰。
If I need supplies for a project, I can ask if they would mind me using something.
如果我需要一个项目的供应品，我可以问他们是否介意我用一些东西。
If they do, I can get my own.
如果他们介意，我可以自己买。
Number four, showing little to no affection.
第四，几乎不流露感情。
Affection and intimacy are incredibly important for our relationship.
感情和亲密关系对我们的关系非常重要。
This doesn't just mean physical.
这不仅仅是指身体上的。
There are many ways to show affection and to be intimate.
表达爱意和亲密关系的方式有很多种。
Some appreciate acts of service, gratitude, or a more traditional physical display of affection.
有些人重视服务、感恩或更传统的身体表达爱意的行为。
No matter what your partner's love language is, it's very important to show them you care in their way.
不管你的伴侣的爱的语言是什么，用他们的方式表达你的关心十分重要。
If your partner's love language is act of service, maybe make them a special lunch with a cute note to take with them instead of giving hugs and kisses.
如果伴侣认为爱的语言是一种服务行为，也许可以给他们做一顿带有可爱纸条的特别午餐，而不是拥抱和亲吻。
If you're giving someone hugs and kisses when their love language isn't personal displays of affection, they will not see this as sweet, and instead might see this as annoying or crossing a boundary.
如果你给某人拥抱和亲吻，而他们的爱的语言不是个人的情感表达，他们不会认为这很甜蜜，相反，可能会认为这是恼人的越界行为。
Need to know how to work with your partner's love language?
想知道如何使用伴侣的爱情语言吗？
Watch "Five Ways to Work with Your Partner's Love Language."
观看《用你伴侣的爱的语言工作的五种方法》。
Number five, taking your partner for granted.
第五，把伴侣的付出视为理所当然。
When relationships begin, we all like to put our best foot forward.
当恋爱开始时，我们都喜欢表现出最好的一面。
Maybe you keep your room a little cleaner, maybe you cook a little more to show off your skills, but as the relationship progresses, you might notice you do all the cooking and cleaning.
也许你会让你的房间更干净一点，也许你会多做饭来炫耀你的技能，但随着关系的发展，你可能会注意到所有的烹饪和清洁都是你自己做的。
Your partner, they receive all the benefits of the work you're doing, and they're quick to say when something isn't done.
你的伴侣，他们会从你所做的工作中得到所有的好处，当事情还没有完成时，他们很快就会说出来。
This is a huge red flag that your partner takes you for granted.
这是一个巨大的危险信号，你的伴侣认为你所做的是理所当然。
And maybe eventually all those little things you did to show them you care are draining and feel required.
也许最终，你做的那些向他们表示你关心的小事都会耗尽你的精力，让他们感到被需要。
This is a surefire way to suck the happiness out of a relationship.
这是从一段关系中吸取快乐的必经之路。
Relationships should always be give and take, where you're both contributing based on your personal interests and skills.
关系应该是互惠互利的，双方在关系中根据个人兴趣和技能做出贡献。
And number six, not giving each person enough alone time.
第六，没有给每个人足够的独处时间。
Have you ever heard someone say that you can't pour from an empty cup?
你有没有听有人说过，空杯子不能倒水？
What about you can't love someone else unless you learn to love yourself?
如果你不学会爱自己，你就不能爱别人呢？
Yeah, it's cliche, but the cheesy sayings are true.
是的，这是陈词滥调，但俗语讲的没错。
When you get into a new relationship, it feels good to be with someone, to have someone to do stuff with, and just have someone around. But that can't happen 24/7.
当你开始一段新恋情时，有人在身边，有人一起做事情，有人在陪伴左右，这种感觉很好。但不可能每时每刻都这样。
In order to be there for your partner, you need to make sure your battery is at 100%.
为了支持你的伴侣，你需要确保你的电池电量是100%。
This means making time for your friends, and your hobbies, along with making time for your significant other.
这意味着要为你的朋友和爱好腾出时间，也要为你的另一半腾出时间。
Too much together time can make it easy to get bored or tired of someone, which can ruin any bond.
在一起的时间太长很容易让你厌倦一个人，这会破坏任何关系。
Did any of these points sound familiar, or maybe you couldn't relate to these, but you might know someone who would.
这些观点有没有听起来很熟悉，或者你可能不会与之产生共鸣，但你可能知道有人会。
If so, please share this video with others who might benefit.
如果是这样的话，请与其他可能受益的人分享此视频。
Let us know what you learned in the comments below.
让我们知道你在下面的评论中学到了什么。
The references and studies used are listed in the description.
描述框中列出了所使用的参考文献和研究。
As always, keep your eye on for more "Psych2Go" content.
一如既往，关注“Psych2Go”更多内容。
Wanna get more information about what behaviors can ruin a relationship?
想知道更多关于什么行为会破坏一段关系的信息吗?
Check out "10 Behaviors That Destroy Relationships".
看看“10种破坏关系的行为”吧。
Thanks so much for watching, and until next time, take care.
非常感谢您的观看，下次再见。
