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You moved here from Chicago. You were living in Chicago. You moved out here to do this show, your talk show now.
你从芝加哥搬来的。你住在芝加哥的。你搬到这儿来参加节目，你的脱口秀节目
Are you happy to be out here? Yeah, man. I mean, this is nice. The weather. Right.
到这里你开心吗？是啊，很开心，这里很好，这儿的天气。嗯
Like right now in Chicago it's one of the most beautiful cities.
现在的芝加哥，是最漂亮的城市之一
The people are great. But in like 13 days it's going to snow.
那里的人们也很友好。但是估计13天后它就开始下雪了
It goes right from sweltering to snow. Two weeks of summer. Damn it, winter. That's it.
它直接从闷热变到下雪。两个星期的夏天，紧接着就是冬天了。就是这样
And where does your family live? Are they living out there?
你的家人住在哪里呢？是在芝加哥吗？
Well no, they used to come visit, but just very rarely.
不，他们只是会来拜访，但很少
In Chicago. Yeah, they very rarely came to Chicago.
去芝加哥。是的，他们很少到芝加哥
Because it's cold as hell. Don't nobody just fly in. Out here we're empty nesters now.
因为那儿能冻死人，谁都不愿意来。在这儿我们成空巢老人了
But they all keep coming. Now that you're in L.A. They want to visit.
但是他们却一直来看我们。因为你在洛杉矶了，他们想来看你
Yes, L.A., oh, dad, we missed you. You never said that before. So they just all show up. It's hot.
是的，洛杉矶，哦，老爸我们可想你了。以前咋没听你这么说呀。然后他们就都来了。这里很热
Swimming pools, palm trees. They're enjoying it. Do they bring the kids?
游泳池，棕榈树，他们玩得很开心啊。他们有带孩子来吗？
How many grandchildren -- I've got grandkids now.
多少孙子外孙——我现在有孙子孙女了
I have four grandkids. Three years we had no grandchildren.
我有四个孙子女。三年来我们一个孙子都没有
We have four grandkids now. That's how it works. They just pop up like that.
现在有四个了。就是这样的。他们突然就凭空冒出来了
I'm going to tell you something. Okay, my oldest granddaughter is Rose.
我跟你说件事。嗯，我最大的孙女叫罗斯
She's a little over 2. She got potty trained. Right. And so the kids brought them out this summer.
她两岁多一点儿。已经完成了如厕训练。嗯。所以孩子们这个夏天把她们也带出去了
And Marjorie and I are watching the kids, but Marjorie exercises every morning.
我和马乔丽一起看孩子，但马乔丽每天早上都要锻炼
So she left me at the house with the kids. I don't -- that's not what I do.
所以她把我单独跟孩子们留在了屋里。我不——我就不是干那行的
I don't watch kids. I just don't. I'm through with that. I ain't changed a diaper in 18 years.
我不会看孩子，我就是不会。我早过了那阶段了，我18年都没换过尿片了
And so they leave me at home with my granddaughter and my grandson.
所以他们把我跟孙子孙女留在了家里
They're brother and sister. She's almost 3. He's just 1. He's a boy.
他们是姐弟。孙女快3岁了。孙子只有1岁，他是个男孩儿
She's potty trained, but she had an accident.
她知道怎么上厕所，但是她出了点意外
Now, the way she had the accident I was supposed to be watching them,
她发生意外的过程我应该全程陪护的
but I put them in a room and they got this program called Peppa Pig.
可是我把他们弄到一个房间里，给他们看《小猪佩奇》
I know it well. All you have to do is put that on and they look at it.
我很了解。你只需要把它打开，然后他们就开始看了
So I left them upstairs in the room and I went downstairs because I'm old.
所以我把他们留在楼上的屋里就下楼了，因为我老了
You know, I like coffee and quiet. And so I'm thinking they're watching Peppa Pig.
你懂的，我喜欢喝点咖啡，喜欢安静。我觉得他们是在楼上看《小猪佩奇》
So she has an accident upstairs, a little booboo accident.
所以她在楼上有点问题，出了点上厕所的小意外
But she's a very smart little girl. So she tries to clean herself. So she just got on pull-ups.
但是这个小女孩儿很聪明，她试着想给自己擦干净。她那会儿穿着学步裤呢
She pull them off, she takes a whole pack of baby wipes, the whole damn pack, and cleaned herself.
她把裤子脱下来，拿了一整包的婴儿纸巾，一整包的啊，去给自己擦屁屁
Now, this is a 3-year-old cleaning. So it ain't clean at all.
这可是个三岁的小女孩在做清洁，那可一点都不清洁呀
And it's baby wipes with boo all over the floor.
所以地上满是沾着粑粑的纸巾
But she takes as many as she can and she puts them in the baby wipe and she tapes it shut.
但是她尽可能多地把那些纸巾捡起来塞进纸巾盒里，还把盒子盖上了
Then she takes the baby wipe -- now, her little brother, he's 1.
然后她拿着纸巾盒——她弟弟，只有一岁
He's watching this whole thing. He's a boy. He's stupid. He's just sitting there.
他从头到尾看着这整件事，他是个男孩，很笨，他就坐在那儿
She takes the diaper and throws it in his crib.
她拿着纸巾把它扔到了他的婴儿床里
She tried to frame him. So she puts on the fresh pull-up and she comes downstairs.
她想陷害他。然后她穿上干净的学步裤就下楼来了
I notice it right away. And I go, oh, man, what the hell she done done here?
我很快就发现了这一切。我在想，天哪，这熊孩子在这儿干啥了
I'm not cleaning no diaper. So I put another episode of "Peppa Pig on" And just shut the door.
我可不去清理现场。所以我就又放了一集《小猪佩奇》，然后把门关上了
I go downstairs. Marjorie comes back from exercising.
我下楼了。马乔丽锻炼完回来了
She walks home and she says, Steve, where the kids at?
她进门后问“史蒂夫，孩子们呢？”
I say they've been upstairs watching "Peppa Pig." We go upstairs together.
我说他们在楼上看《小猪佩奇》呢，然后我们就一起上楼了
She open the door, she goes, oh, my god. What is going on? I stepped in the door and I said, ah, here I'm now!
她打开门，她说“天哪，这是发生了什么？”我走进门说“啊，我来救场了！”
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