Topic（题目）：

Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and basketball player deserved high salaries to be paid?

Target text（文章正文）:

Perhaps no issue in the sports field is as significance to athletes as salaries. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether they deserve the high paid. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that the sportsman can possess a high paid, because under the circumstance that highly developed sports field, they produce much profit and need an insurance.

To begin with, convincing reasons from the supporters, one must be stressed is these professional athletes, especially the famous ones, they make numerous contributions to their teams or clubs, which means they try their effort to make favorable scores. Athletes not only not only bring good success to the team, but also put great fame on the clubs' history, let alone attractive a great amount of fans to watch the game and introduce lots of commercial advertisements. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate instance that is very persuasive: Messi,one of the most famous football player in the world, with the highest salary. He helps teams win almost every single game, and also have gained several national champions. Because of his well performance, the club Barcelona is well-known by fans around the world, as well the large amount of investment and advertisement contracts. Consequently, he deserved this high wage. Without any doubt, Messi's instance, a typical instance of what is discussing, has indeed clarifies the factor of high paid.

In addition, the further reason why I advocate professional athletes need high salaries is that these kinds of salaries are indemnifications for their future life or in case of unexpected suffer. As we all know, virtually all of the professional athletes have used much of time and money to practice, and did get enough knowledges and skills. So if they have a little money, it would be a disaster after their retirement in that they are not good at any other job unless the spots which they have been practiced for several decades, even worse with the disease to retire. It can be given a concrete example that there are a lot of former sportsmen in China who beg and even sell their medals in the street for money to make a living. Some of them possess the serious diseases which caused by the practice, others cannot do any job thanks to lacking of knowledges. So it is extraordinary for professional sporters to have highly paid, let alone their golden time for making money just for several years less than ten years.

Hostly speaking, admittedly, it is quite reasonable for average people to consider that professional athletes probably do not deserve so high salaries, because what their contribution to societies or countries cannot be compared with scientists or even moral people. Nevertheless that such as commercial and game rules that money determined by reputation On the other hand, in someone's eyes, professional athletes actually do a great job in the sports field.

After ruminating over all these factors, from my perspective, and also weighing the pros and cons, I come to the notion that the professional players are supposed to high wages. Firstly, it is suitable for their contribution. Secondly, it also beneficial for their future life.

Revised essay（批改后）：

按照Official Guide 的要求，独立写作有400字左右ok了，平时训练时要在三十分钟内完成

Perhaps no issue in the sports field is as significance to athletes as salaries(the salary). Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether they deserve the highpaid(pay). I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that the sportsman can possess a high paid, because under the circumstance that highly developed sports field,(where the sports field is highly developed) they produce much profit(可数，复数) and need an insurance.

To begin with, convincing reasons from the supporters, one must be stressed is these professional athletes, especially the famous ones, they(删除) make numerous contributions to their teams or clubs, which means they try their effort to make favorable scores. Athletes not only not only bring good success to the team, but also put great fame on the clubs' history, let alone attractive(动词) a great amount of fans to watch the game and introduce lots of commercial advertisements. To illustrate this, there is an appropriate instance that is very persuasive: Messi,one of the most famous football player(复数) in the world, with the highest salary. He helps teams win almost every(删除) single game, and also have(三单) gained several national champions. Because of his well(excellent) performance, the club Barcelona is well-known by fans around the world, as well the(换位winning) large amount of investment and advertisement contracts. Consequently, he deserved this high wage. Without any doubt, Messi's instance, a typical instance of what is discussing, has indeed clarifies the factor of high paid.

In addition, the further reason why I advocate professional athletes need high salaries is that these kinds of salaries are indemnifications for their future life or in case of unexpected suffer(删除，注意语言简洁). As we all know, virtually all of the professional athletes have used much of time and money to practice, and did( 换为in order to )get enough knowledges(知识不可数) and skills. So if they have a little money, it would be a disaster after their retirement in that they are not good at any other jobunless (换为but)the spots which they have been practiced for several decades, even worse with the disease to retire(what is worse it that they may get disease after their retirment). It can be given a concrete example that there are a lot of former sportsmen in China who beg and even sell their medals in the street for money to make a living. Some of them possess the serious diseases which caused(被动) by the practice, others cannot do any job thanks to lacking(lack) of knowledges. So it is extraordinary for professional sporters to have highly paid, let alone their golden time for making money just for several years less than ten years.

Hostly speaking, admittedly, it is quite reasonable for average people to consider that professional athletes probably do not deserve so high salaries, because what their contribution to societies or countries cannot be compared with scientists or even moral people. Nevertheless that such as commercial and game rules that money determined by reputation (????)On the other hand, in someone's eyes, professional athletes actually do a great job in the sports field.

After ruminating over all these factors, from my perspective, and also weighing the pros and cons, I come to the notion that the professional players are supposed to high wages. Firstly, it is suitable for their contribution. Secondly, it also beneficial for their future life.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

观点明确，文章结构清晰，分论点中心体现明确清楚，文章意思也较清晰。

预估分数：3.5

学习建议：

1、语言错误多亮点较少，可以多背一些出彩的句型。

2、逻辑结构清楚，但仍可继续加强。

3、注意用词准确性