Topic（题目）：

In twenty years, There will be fewer cars in use than there are today.

Target text（文章正文）:

Two decays only accounts for a short period duiring the long process of human evolution, but it is surely long enough to bring significant change to human civilization. In my opinion, we are likely to see fewer cars in use in twenty years than there are today.【粗心了 基本语法问题 好好检查自己避免】

With more and more lands being exploited and used to be built highrises and shopping centers on, and along with the continuously growing population, it is less likely to provide cars with sufficient highways or roads to drive on. People will be more willing to take public transportation than to drive a private cars associated with constant traffic jams. As the demand for cars decline, so does the supply. 【英式表达习惯 你还没有培养起来 感觉就是从中文到英语逐字翻译 其实不是的 中英对照的时候 你是想想汉语意思 然后再找对应的句型表达 而不是一个词组一个词组对应 要不就显得不地道】

An additional factor should also be taken into consideration, which is the morden technology. Governments worldwide are determined to invest more money and more human resources to replace cars because of their failure to carry the large number of people. 【表达太chinglish中式了】 For example, many new means of pulic transportation have come into existence since the 21st century, and this process of investment has been acclerated 【粗心了 基本语拼写问题 好好检查自己避免】over the last ten years. Therefore, there is no doubt that we will witness a variety of new means of transportation rather than cars in the next two decades. 【英式表达习惯你还没有培养起来 感觉就是从中文到英语逐字翻译 其实不是的 中英对照的时候 你是想想汉语意思 然后再找对应的句型表达 而不是一个词组一个词组对应 要不就显得不地道】
Whats more, if we assume that we will see euqal or larger quntity of cars in the future, what will our earth look like with so much pollution cars are making?【删掉】 Greenhouse effects will cause more catastrophies, 【粗心了 基本语拼写问题 好好检查自己避免】 and people's health will be put in much more serious condition. As the term goes "sustainable development" the number cars should and will undergo an obvious decrease in the near future.【论证方面不是特别擅长 真的需要加强 方法举例 解释说理 对比 每段采用一个 然后流线型绕啊绕 其实就是那么回事】

In conclusion, it is a historical trend that there will be fewer cars in the next twenty years. Cars will definitely be replaced by all the new means of transportatin.

TPO小站综合点评及批改意见：

基本功不是很好，行文结构还可以;逻辑不是很缜密，表现在全篇分论点思路不是展很开，论证时候深度不够，方法也比较单一;表达词不达意时候也多，多样性表达 出彩的地方不是特别多，建议多看语法书;多识记，多借鉴。

预估分数：12

学习建议：

1、学习议论文篇章结构和框架。议论文中一段一个主观点。主观点必须写在段落的第一句话，这句话称为主旨句。在议论文中，每个段落只论证其中一个方面。
2、每个段落主旨只有一个，但是其后的支持论据可以排列几个，并要用完整句子回答。