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习作点评:专业与学校哪个更重要

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作者:陈悦 (安徽省 淮南市)
作文题目:即将步入大学的你面临着选择高校与选择专业的重大挑战。对于专业与学校哪个更重要,大家各持自见,请向某英文杂志社投稿,对该问题进行阐述。内容包括:
1. 对择校与择专业问题的分析
2. 你的选择和理由
全文120字左右,不得透漏个人真实信息。

习作全文:
Every student will be faced with the question after he passes the college entrance examinations: Should we choose a good major or a good university first?

Towards this [改:For this matter, With regard to this issue等], there's a totally different argument [改:there are totally different arguments]. Some students are fully convinced that choosing a desirable major is more significant.

Many students think interest matters mcuh. They believe that an ideal major is important for getting good jobs. Meanwhile, there're still other students tend to study further. [此处两个谓语,建议改成:another 10% tend to further their study].

This may be true, but there're still opposing ideas. They hold the firmly belief [改成:hole firmly the belief] that it’s Effect of Prestige that drives them to choose the famous university. Also, some others think the good environment in the university does good to their growing [改成:growth].

Were I left to make a judgment, not will I hesitate a moment to back the latter [此处主句不该倒装,而且也要用虚拟情态动词would;直接写成:I would not hesitate a moment to back the latter]. It's my thought that we can develop our interests during the college. Nevertheless, we can't give up our dream of an idea university from our childhood. So by no means will I sacrifice a famous college for a desirable major.

全文总评:该习作从主题上与命题要求完全吻合,内容丰富,论据充分,逻辑性强。虽然在使用高级语言素材的时候出现一些错误,但不太影响理解,思想传达的效率尚可。评定档次为四档高分,具体分数为19分[总分25分]。

评分者建议:该考生具备基本的写作能力,有比较丰富的语言素材积累,但值得注意的地方有两点:
1. 缺乏对自己作品进行基本审核的意识,比如,一个单句中只能存在一个谓语,一个谓语出现在句中以后,接下来还有必要出现动词的时候就应该立即想到要么用从句,要么用非谓语动词,要么就应该结束前句重新阐述。
2. 对于基础词法和常见表达还应该加强积累。实际上,每个学生都有自己原始积累的一些表达方法,一旦形成了使用习惯,就很难改变,而这些习惯中有些是错误的,不少同学就习惯地错下去;有些习惯虽然是正确的,却为陈词滥调,没有新意。这都非常影响英语作文水平的提高。建议学生朋友建立自己的作文档案,把每一次习作中积累到的素材进行归纳总结是最高效的提升方法。

重点单词   查看全部解释    
convinced [kən'vinst]

想一想再看

adj. 信服的

 
prestige [pres'ti:ʒ]

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n. 威望,声望

联想记忆
environment [in'vaiərənmənt]

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n. 环境,外界

 
opposing [ə'pəuziŋ]

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adj. 反作用的,反向的,相反的,对立的 动词oppo

 
issue ['iʃju:]

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n. 发行物,期刊号,争论点
vi. & vt

 
tend [tend]

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v. 趋向,易于,照料,护理

 
drives

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n. 驱动器;驱动力;驱动程序(drive的复数形式)

 
desirable [di'zaiərəbl]

想一想再看

adj. 值得有的,令人满意的,有吸引力的
n

联想记忆
sacrifice ['sækrifais]

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n. 牺牲,供俸,祭品
vt. 牺牲,祭祀,贱

联想记忆
nevertheless [.nevəðə'les]

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adv. 仍然,不过
conj. 然而,不过

 

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