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A Crooked Old House
一座歪歪扭扭的老房子
Once upon a time, there was a crooked old man who lived in a crooked old house.
从前，有一个歪歪的老头，住在一座歪歪扭扭的老房子里。
The house had lived through three hundred summers and winters, and each year the wood warped and the house became more crooked.
这房子已经经历了三百个春夏秋冬，每一年木头都会变形，房子也变得更加歪斜。
The old man had not been crooked when he moved in there, but just as the moisture warped the wood, the house warped the man.
老人搬进来的时候并没有弯腰驼背，但是就像湿气使木头变形一样，房子也使老人变形了。
Every morning he got out of bed and climbed up the hill to the kitchen.
每天早上，他起床后，爬上小山，来到厨房。
The floor had become so steep that he truly had to climb.
地板变得如此陡峭，以至于他真的不得不爬上去。
He took two sharp hooks and pushed them into the floor, and pulled himself up the hill.
他拿起两个锋利的钩子，把它们插进地板里，然后把自己拉上了去。
Once he was in the kitchen, he made his morning tea and his breakfast, and there was one part of the floor that was so warped that he could sit in it. It was so warped that it made a nice chair.
他一进厨房，就泡了早茶，做了早饭，然后坐在厨房的一块地板上。这块地板翘得厉害，坐上去就像坐在椅子上一样。
The old man sat on the floor-chair, drank his tea and ate his toast. Afterwards, he went to the bathroom.
老人坐在折椅上，喝着茶，吃着烤面包。之后，他去了洗手间。
In order to get there, he went to the edge of the kitchen, put the climbing hooks in his pocket and rode a zip-line down to the end of the corridor.
为了到达那里，他走到厨房的边缘，把攀爬钩放在口袋里，然后乘坐滑索滑到走廊的尽头。
In the past, he had rolled down the hill, but after hurting himself badly one time, he installed the zip-line.
过去，他曾从坡上滚下来，但有一次他伤得很重，之后他安装了滑索。
A few times, he had forgotten his hooks in the kitchen, and then it was awful because he would have to climb the corridor with his hands.
有几次，他把钩子忘在了厨房里，那太可怕了，因为他不得不用手爬上走廊。
He remembered one particularly bad occasion when he was hungry and it took him almost an hour to reach the kitchen.
他记得有一次情况特别糟糕，当时他饿了，花了将近一个小时才走到厨房。
After that, he bought a spare pair of hooks, which he kept in his bedroom. Just in case.
在那之后，他买了一对备用的鱼钩，放在他的卧室里。以防万一。
The bathroom was not as warped as the rest of the house, but it was the moistest part of it.
浴室不像房子的其他部分那样扭曲，但它是房子里最潮湿的部分。
When he walked into the bathroom, it was like walking into a jungle. At first, mushrooms grew in there. Some even grew on his toothbrush.
当他走进浴室时，就像走进了一片丛林。起初，那里长着蘑菇。有些甚至长在他的牙刷上。
He made sure to wash them off before brushing his teeth, and it really wasn’t much of a problem.
他在刷牙前确保把它们洗掉，这真的不是什么大问题。
Then, other things started to grow: ferns and tropical plants.
然后，其他的东西开始生长：蕨类植物和热带植物。
One day, he found a frog hiding in one of the ferns. Eventually, the drain stopped working.
有一天，他发现一只青蛙藏在其中一株蕨类植物中。最终，排水系统坏了。
When the old man showered, the water took a very long time to drain, and finally, it stopped draining completely.
当老人淋浴时，水排了很长时间，最后完全不排水了。
He called in a plumber, but when the plumber saw the man’s bathroom, he said, ‘All the money in the world wouldn’t be enough for me to fix this.
他请来了一位水管工，但是当水管工看到这个人的浴室时，他说：“就算给我全世界的钱，我也修不好这个。”
I think you should set this house on fire and start again. Except it’s probably too moist to set on fire!’
我觉得你应该把这房子烧了，然后重新建。只是它可能太潮湿了，火都点不着！
Now, the old man didn’t like people talking badly about his house, so he never called in a plumber again.
现在，老人不喜欢人们说他房子的坏话，所以他再也没有叫水管工来过。
He had his own ideas about why the drain might’ve stopped working.
他对排水系统坏掉的原因有自己的想法。
Probably part of the floor warped and moved the pipes. But you couldn’t do anything about warping.
也许是地板的一部分翘起，移动了管道。但你对地板翘起无能为力。
It was an old house, and old houses were beautiful and crooked.
这是一座老房子，老房子都很漂亮，而且歪歪扭扭的。
So finally the bath filled up with water and fish started swimming in it – who knew where they came from?– and the old man got used to it and started washing in a bucket instead. He fed the fish, and they grew.
所以最后浴缸里装满了水，鱼开始在里面游来游去——谁知道它们是从哪里来的呢？——老人习惯了，开始用桶打水来洗澡。他喂鱼，鱼也长大了。
When the fish grew too big to live in the bath, he put them in a bag of water, took them to the forest, and put them in the river.
当鱼长得太大，无法在浴缸里生活时，他把它们放在一袋水里，带到森林里，然后把它们放进河里。
But most days were not so exciting. The old man mostly just sat in his living room.
但大多数日子都没有什么波澜。老人大多数时间只是坐在他的客厅里。
At first, he read books, but they became too moist to open without damaging.
起初，他读书，但书变得太潮湿了，一打开就破坏掉了。
So instead, he listened to the radio, but the radio started making strange noises.
所以，他改为听收音机，但是收音机开始发出奇怪的声音。
He would fall asleep and wake up to a voice speaking in a language he didn’t know, which didn’t sound like any human voice, either.
他会入睡，然后醒来听到一个声音，说着一种他不知道的语言，听起来也不像任何人类的声音。
After one particularly scary night, he broke open the radio and made it into a home for some of the frogs.
在一个特别可怕的夜晚之后，他打破了收音机，把它变成了一些青蛙的家。
Now he spent his days playing with the wild animals that lived in the house.
现在他每天都和住在房子里的野生动物一起玩耍。
Many had come over the years, as it was easy to get in through the warped old doors and windows.
多年来，许多动物来过这里，因为通过扭曲的旧门窗很容易进入。
There were dogs and cats and some animals that the old man wasn’t sure about, but that was probably just his eyesight.
有狗和猫，还有一些动物，老人不太确定，但那可能只是他的视力问题。
Still, they ate the bread he gave them and let him play with their hair, so they couldn’t be that dangerous.
不过，他们吃了他给的面包，还让他玩弄他们的头发，所以他们应该没那么危险。
The old man thought that there was no better place to live than his old crooked house, but of course others did not agree.
这位老人认为没有比他那间歪歪扭扭的老房子更好的居住地方了，当然其他人并不认同。
The plumber was not the only one who suggested he leave.
管道工并不是唯一一个建议他离开的人。
His parents were dead, and they had never liked their brothers and sisters, so the old man did not even know if his aunts, uncles and cousins were still alive. And he had never been married or had children.
他的父母都去世了，而且他们也从不喜欢他们的兄弟姐妹，所以这位老人甚至不知道他的姑姑、叔叔和表兄弟姐妹是否还活着。他也从未结过婚或有过孩子。
He had been in love when he first moved into the old house, but the house had warped the relationship, too.
他刚搬进这所老房子的时候，曾经恋爱过，但这所房子也扭曲了这段关系。
No, it was not family that tried to get him to move out. It was some local do-gooders.
不，不是家人试图让他搬出去。是一些当地的好心人。
There was an association of young people who visited the elderly in their homes.
有一个年轻人的协会，他们去老人家里探访。
The old man had never been interested in such associations – he didn’t like to think of himself as elderly.
这位老人对这类社团向来不感兴趣——他不喜欢把自己当成老年人。
