评论
打印
All through class that morning, Lydia traced that tiny zero with her fingertip, watching Jack out of the corner of her eye.
那天早上上课的时候，莉迪亚一直用指尖摸着那个小小的零，用眼角的余光看着杰克。
He was focused on something she couldn't see, ignoring Mr. Kelly's drone, the pencils scratching around him, the fluorescent light buzzing overhead.
他的注意力集中在她看不见的东西上，忽略了凯利先生的嗡嗡声，铅笔在他周围刮来刮去，荧光灯在头顶嗡嗡作响。
One thumb drummed a pitter-pat on the desktop. Does Jack Wolff want to be friends? she wondered. Nath would kill him. Or me.
一只拇指敲打着桌面。杰克·沃尔夫想交朋友吗？纳会杀了他。或者杀了我。
But after that first day, Jack didn't say another word to her. Some days he came late, then put his head down on his desk for the entire period; some days he did not come at all.
但是第一天之后，杰克再也没有对她说过一句话。有几天他来晚了，整个上课期间都把头埋在桌子上；有些日子他根本没有来。
The zero washed out in the laundry. Lydia kept her head bent over her notes.
零在洗衣店洗掉了。莉迪亚埋头记笔记。
She copied down everything Mr. Kelly wrote on the board, turning the pages of her textbook back and forth so often that the corners softened and frayed.
她把凯利在黑板上写的所有东西都抄了下来，不停地把课本翻来翻去，书页的边角都软化了，磨损了。
Then, at the end of January, at dinner, her mother passed the salad and the dish of Hamburger Helper and looked at Lydia expectantly, tilting her head this way and that, like a pair of rabbit ears trying to catch the signal.
到了一月底，吃晚饭时，母亲把汉堡好帮手和色拉递给她，期待地望着莉迪亚，她的头这样那样地歪着，就像一对兔耳朵试图捕捉信号。
Finally, she said, "Lydia, how is physics class?" "It’s fine." Lydia speared a carrot coin on her fork. "Better. It's getting better." "How much better?" her mother said, a touch of sharpness in her voice.
最后，她说：“莉迪亚，物理课上得怎么样？”“很好。”莉迪亚在叉子上戳了一枚胡萝卜硬币。“物理课在变好。”“有多好？”她母亲说，声音里带着一丝尖锐。
Lydia chewed the carrot to a pulp. "We haven't had a test yet. But I’m doing okay on the homework." This was only half a lie. The first test of the term was the next week.
莉迪亚把胡萝卜嚼成浆。“我们还没有考试。但我作业做得还可以。”这话半真半假。这个学期的第一次考试是在下周。
In the meantime she stumbled through the assignments, copying the odd-numbered problems from the answers at the back of the book and fudging the even ones as best she could.
同时，她作业完成得很勉强，抄写书后答案中的奇数题，并尽量捏造偶数题。
Her mother frowned, but she scooped up a piece of macaroni. "Ask your teacher if you can do some extra credit," she said.
母亲皱起了眉头，但还是舀了一块通心粉。她说：“问问你老师是否可以加一些额外的学分。”
"You don't want this grade to sink you. With all your potential—" Lydia jabbed her fork into a wedge of tomato. Only the wistfulness in her mother's voice stopped her from screaming.
“你不希望这个分数让你消沉。凭你的全部潜力——”莉迪亚用叉子戳进了一块西红柿。母亲声音里的渴望阻止了她尖叫。
"I know, Mom," she said. She glanced across the table at Nath, hoping he'd change the subject, but Nath, who had other things on his mind, didn’t notice.
“我知道，妈妈，”她说。她隔着桌子瞥了纳一眼，希望他能转移话题，但纳心里想着别的事情，没有注意到。
"Lydia, how's Shelley doing?" James asked. Lydia paused. Last summer, at her father's urging, she'd invited Shelley over once, to hang out.
“莉迪亚，谢莉怎么样了？”詹姆斯问道。莉迪亚停顿了一下。去年夏天，在父亲的催促下，她邀请谢莉来家里玩了一次。
Shelley, though, had seemed more interested in flirting with Nath, trying to get him to play catch in the yard, asking him whether he thought Lynda Carter or Lindsay Wagner was hotter.
然而，谢莉似乎对和纳调情更感兴趣，想让他在院子里玩接球游戏，问他觉得琳达·卡特还是林赛·瓦格纳更性感。
They hadn't spoken since. "Shelley's good," she said. "Busy. She's secretary of the student council." "Maybe you can get involved, too," James said.
从那以后他们就没说过话。她说：“谢莉很好，她很忙。她是学生会秘书。”“也许你也可以加入学生会，”詹姆斯说。
He wagged his fork at her, with the air of a wise man delivering an aphorism. "I’m sure they'd love your help. And how about Pam and Karen?"
他挥舞着叉子，一副智者传授格言的神情。“我相信他们会喜欢你的加入。帕姆和凯伦呢？”
Lydia looked down at her plate, at the picked-over salad and the sad clump of beef and cheese beside it.
莉迪亚低头看了看盘子上面的沙拉和旁边那堆可怜的牛肉和奶酪。
The last time she'd talked to Karen was over a year ago, when her father had chauffeured them home from a matinee of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
她最后一次和凯伦说话是在一年前，当时看完《飞越疯人院》的日场演出后，她父亲开车送她们回家。
At first she'd been proud that, for once, her plans had not been a lie.
起初，她很自豪，因为这一次，她的计划不是谎言。
Karen had just moved to town and Lydia, emboldened by her newness, had suggested a movie and Karen had said, "Okay, sure, why not."
凯伦刚搬到城里，莉迪亚因为新鲜感很大胆，建议她去看电影，凯伦说：“好吧，当然，为什么不呢？”
Then, for the whole ride, her father had tried to show off how cool?he was: "Five brothers and sisters, Karen? Just like the Brady Bunch! You watch that show?"
一路上，她的父亲一直在炫耀他有多酷：“五个兄弟姐妹，凯伦？就像《脱线家族》一样！你看那个节目吗？”
"Dad," Lydia had said. "Dad." But he'd kept going, asking Karen what the hot new records were these days, singing a line or two from "Waterloo", which was already two years old.
莉迪亚说：“爸爸。”但他一直在问凯伦这些天最热门的新唱片是什么，唱着《滑铁卢》里的一两句歌词，那已经是两年前的事了。
Karen had said, "Yeah," and "No," and "I don't know" and fiddled with the bottom bead of her earring.
凯伦只是回答“是”、“不是”、“我不知道”，然后把玩着耳环底部的珠子。
Lydia had wanted to melt and seep into the seat cushions, deep down where the foam would block every bit of sound.
莉迪亚想要融化渗入到坐垫里去，那里的泡沫可以阻挡一切声音。
She thought of saying something about the movie, but couldn't think of anything. All she could think of was Jack Nicholson's vacant eyes as the pillow came down to smother him.
她想说点关于这部电影的事，但什么也想不起来。她所能想到的只是杰克·尼克尔森在枕头落下来窒息而死时茫然的眼神。
The silence swelled to fill the car until they pulled up in front of Karen's house.
车里一片寂静，直到他们把车停在凯伦家门口。
