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He read the note over and over, staring at the tiny cracks of wood grain snaking between the patches of white, until the sky outside shifted from navy to gray.
他一遍又一遍地读着那张纸条，眼睛盯着一块块白色的木纹间蜿蜒的小裂缝，直到外面的天空从海军蓝变成了灰色。
Then he slipped the scraps of paper into an envelope.
然后他把纸片塞进一个信封。
Every day—though he promised himself this time would be the last time—he settled Nath and Lydia in front of the television,
每天——尽管他向自己保证这将是最后一次——他让纳和莉迪亚坐在电视机前，
locked the door to his study, and pulled out the shreds of note again.
他锁上书房的门，又把那几张纸条拿了出来。
He read it while the children moved from cartoons to soap operas to game shows,
当孩子们从卡通片到肥皂剧再到游戏节目，
while they sprawled, unsmiling, in front of Bewitched?and Let’s Make a Deal?and To Tell the Truth,
当他们伸开四肢，面无笑容，站在被施了魔法的人面前，让我们做个了解，然后说出实话，
while—despite Johnny Carson’s best zingers—they sank into sleep.
尽管有约翰尼·卡森的精彩表演，他们还是睡着了。
When they had married, he and Marilyn had agreed to forget about the past.
当他们结婚时，他和玛丽琳约定忘记过去。
They would start a new life together, the two of them, with no looking back.
他们将开始新的生活在一起，他们两个，没有回头。
With Marilyn gone, James broke that pact again and again.
玛丽琳走了以后，詹姆斯一次又一次地打破了这个约定。
Each time he read the note, he thought of her mother, who had never referred to him by name, only indirectly—to Marilyn—as your fiancé.
他每次看那张纸条，都会想起她的母亲，她从来没有叫过他的名字，只是间接地——对着玛丽琳——提到过他，说她是你的未婚夫。
Whose voice he had heard on their wedding day, echoing out into the marble lobby of the courthouse like an announcement on the P.A. system,
他在他们结婚那天听到的声音回荡在法院的大理石大厅里，就像广播里播放的公告一样，
so loud heads had turned: It’s not right, Marilyn.
人们都转过头来大声地说:这不对，玛丽琳。
You know it’s not right. Who had wanted Marilyn to marry someone more like her.
你知道这是不对的。她想让玛丽琳嫁给一个更像她的人。
Who had never called them again after their wedding.
他们结婚后再也没有给他们打过电话。
All this must have come back to Marilyn as she ate at her mother’s table and slept in her mother’s bed:
当玛丽琳在母亲的餐桌边吃东西，睡在母亲的床上时，她一定回想起了这一切:
what a mistake she’d made, marrying him.
她嫁给他真是个错误。
How her mother had been right all along.
她母亲一直都是对的。
I have kept all these feelings inside me for a long time,
我已经把这些感觉藏在心里很久了，
but now, after being in my mother’s house again, I think of her and realize I cannot put them aside any longer.
但是现在，当我再次回到母亲的房子后，我想起了她，意识到我不能再把它们放在一边了。
In kindergarten, he had learned how to make a bruise stop hurting:
在幼儿园时，他就学会了如何让瘀伤不再疼:
you pressed it over and over with your thumb.
你用拇指一遍又一遍地按它。
The first time it hurt so much your eyes watered.
第一次疼得眼睛都流泪了。
The second time it hurt a little less.
第二次就不那么疼了。
The tenth time, it was barely an ache.
第十次，几乎没有疼痛。
So he read the note again and again.
于是，他一遍又一遍地读那张纸条。
He remembered everything he could: Marilyn kneeling to lace Nath’s sneaker; Marilyn lifting his collar to slide in the stays.
他记得他所能记得的一切:玛丽琳跪着给纳的运动鞋系鞋带;玛丽琳提起他的衣领，在胸衣里滑动。
Marilyn as she was that first day in his office: slender and serious and so focused that he didn’t dare look at those eyes directly.
玛丽琳就像她第一天到他办公室时那样:苗条、严肃、专注，以致于他不敢直视那双眼睛。
It didn’t stop hurting.
疼痛没有停止。
His eyes didn’t stop watering.
他的眼睛不停地流泪。
