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Let’s start with common advice first. What’s a first step?
让我们先从常见的建议开始。第一步是什么？
The first real principle to keep in mind is that your perspective is one perspective.
要记住的第一个真正的原则是，你的视角只是一个视角。
It’s easy to say, “Oh my gosh, they’re a know-it-all, they have no humility whatsoever.
人们很容易说：“天哪，他们是个百事通，一点也不谦虚。
I just can’t stand working with them. Their behavior’s totally inappropriate.”
我就是受不了和他们一起工作。他们的行为完全是不恰当的。
That’s just going to lock you into a negative dynamic.
这只会让你陷入消极的状态。
You have to remember there are many different perspectives involved in this dynamic.
你必须记住，在这种状态中有许多不同的视角。
There’s yours, there’s the other persons, there’s people outside that dynamic who are observing it.
有你的，有其他人的，有在动态之外的人在观察它。
And that helps you to open up to different interpretations of the behavior.
这有助于你对这种行为有不同的解释。
I remember years ago I was complaining about my husband wanting to go surfing during a blizzard.
我记得几年前，我抱怨我的丈夫想在暴风雪中冲浪。
We had an infant.
我们有了一个婴儿。
I was like, “What? Who does that? Who goes surfing?”
我就像，“什么？谁会这么做？谁去冲浪？”
And my friend said, “Well, your husband does.”
我的朋友说：“你丈夫去冲浪。”
And I thought, “Okay, yeah. For him, that seems like an appropriate thing to do.”
我想，“好的，好的。”对他来说，这似乎是一件合适的事情。”
And I think that’s the kind of attitude you need to have with your difficult colleagues is, think about yes, this may seem inappropriate.
我认为这就是你需要对你的难相处的同事采取的态度，想想吧，是的，这可能看起来不合适。
It may even be causing some harm for you and for others, but in their head, there’s probably a rational explanation for what they’re doing.
这甚至可能会对你和其他人造成一些伤害，但在他们的头脑中，他们的所作所为可能有一个合理的解释。
And your goal is to figure out what that might be, to figure out a way of interacting that’s much more healthy and productive.
你的目标是弄清楚这可能是什么，找出一种更健康、更高效的互动方式。
Yeah. As we’ve discussed before, I think we have very similar husbands.
嗯。正如我们以前讨论过的，我认为我们的丈夫非常相似。
But so this step at looking at yourself critically, making sure you’re seeing the issue from the other person’s perspective,
所以这一步是批判性地审视自己，确保你是从别人的角度看问题，
particularly when you don’t like them, or it’s just very clear to you that they’re not behaving appropriately in a workplace setting,
尤其是当你不喜欢他们的时候，或者你很清楚他们在工作场所表现不得体的时候，
what advice do you have for people getting over that hump to a place where you can honestly say, “Okay, I see where they’re coming from and actually, maybe I’m part of the problem too.”
你有什么建议让人们克服这个障碍，让你可以诚实地说，“好吧，我知道他们怎么想的，实际上，也许我也是问题的一部分。”
I think one of the best pieces of advice I can give around that.
我认为我能给出的最好的建议之一。
When you start to feel that way, and when the person’s really being a jerk, it’s hard to get over that, is to find someone who likes working with that person.
当你开始有这种感觉，当那个人真的是个混蛋的时候，很难克服这种感觉，那就是找到一个喜欢和那个人一起工作的人。
Chances are there’s someone in the organization who either feels positively about them or at least neutrally.
组织中可能会有人对他们持积极态度，或者至少是中立的。
And I would go talk to them and not in a gossipy like, “Oh, don’t you hate Adam too?”
我会去和他们聊天，而不是像这样八卦：“哦，你不是也讨厌亚当吗？”
More of “I’m struggling with Adam. I’d love your advice about how you work best with him.”
更多的是”我和亚当有摩擦了。我希望你能给我一些建议，怎样能和他合作得更好。”
They might say, “Well, he’s really brusque in email, but once he get to know him…”
他们可能会说，“嗯，他发电子邮件时真的很粗鲁，但一旦他了解了他，…”
Or “He’s insecure so he often talks about himself and his accomplishments, but he’s really invested in the team’s success.”
或者“他缺乏安全感，所以他经常谈论自己和他的成就，但他真的为团队的成功投入了。”
Someone who can give you a little bit of a different perspective.
他能给你带来一点不同的视角。
I think that’s one tactic that can help you get over that.
我认为这是一种可以帮助你克服这一点的策略。
The other is to really think about: use empathy.
另一种是真正需要思考的问题：运用同理心。
Think about what pressures they’re under.
想想他们承受的压力有多大。
Are they new to the organization?
他们是该组织的新成员吗？
Are they in a part of the organization that feels less valued than other teams?
他们是否在组织中感到比其他团队更不受重视的一部分？
Try to really put yourself in their shoes.
试着真正设身处地地为他们着想。
That’s a strategic tactic that helps you unhook from the story you’re telling yourself about how horrible this person is, to maybe open yourself up to a different narrative around how you all interact and how you both might be contributing to the dynamic.
这是一种战略性的策略，可以帮助你从你告诉自己这个人有多可怕的故事中解脱出来，或许可以让你自己接受一种不同的叙事，关于你们是如何互动的，以及你们如何可能对这种动态做出贡献。
