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He was born on New Year’s Day, the year 2000.
他出生于2000年的元旦。
I got pregnant with him when I was 19, a month before I graduated from college.
我19岁的时候怀了他，那时离我大学毕业还有一个月。
I was a brain; that was my identity.
我是一个聪明的人; 这是我的身份。
I was headed to Yale Divinity School, where I would study for a master’s in religion and literature.
我要去耶鲁神学院，攻读宗教和文学硕士学位。
Those were my interests: religion, literature, study.
那些是我的兴趣:宗教，文学，研究。
I had not thought about having children or being a wife.
我没有想过要孩子或做妻子。
I hadn’t thought I wouldn’t do those things, but if I thought about them, they existed in the vague haze of my distant future.
我没有想过我不会做那些事情，但如果我想到它们，它们就存在于我遥远的未来的朦胧中。
I wasn’t really dating his father.
我并不是真的在和他父亲约会。
His father was only the second person I’d had sex with, and I had a crush on his good friend.
他父亲是我第二个发生关系的人，而我却迷恋上了他的好朋友。
The friend wasn’t interested in me romantically, but the three of us hung out together.
那个朋友对我不感兴趣，但我们三个人却在一起玩。
I would be winsome and flirt with the friend, and we all had a nice time.
我很讨人喜欢，会和朋友调情，我们都玩得很开心。
Sometimes I would read to them. Isak Dinesen: “Anecdotes of Destiny and Ehrengard.”
有时我会给他们读书。 伊萨克·迪内森:《命运与埃伦加德的轶事》。
The friend would go back to his dorm on the campus of the small Christian university we attended, and my son’s father would linger at my apartment.
那个朋友会回到他在我们就读的小型基督教大学校园里的宿舍，而我儿子的父亲则会在我的公寓呆一会儿。
I was a little younger than the two of them but two years ahead in school, so I lived off campus.
我比他们俩小一点，但比他们早两年上学，所以我住在校外。
My son’s father is kind, gentle, handsome, friendly, warm and funny.
我儿子的父亲善良，温柔，英俊，友好，热情，有趣。
We kept having sex, and we kept praying for the strength to stop having sex.
我们不停地发生关系，我们不停地祈祷能有停止发生关系的力量。
I kept saying I didn’t want to be with him. He kept trying to accept that.
我一直说我不想和他在一起。 他一直试图接受这一点。
When we had sex, we couldn’t use condoms, because having them around would have been admitting an intent to sin or an expectation of fallibility.
当我们发生关系的时候，我们不能使用避孕套，因为身边有避孕套就等于承认了有意犯错或期待犯错。
For the same reasons, I couldn’t take birth-control pills or use any other form of contraception.
出于同样的原因，我不能服用避孕药或使用任何其他形式的避孕措施。
To prepare to sin would be worse than to break in a moment of irresistible desire.
准备犯错要比在一时不可抗拒的欲望中崩溃更糟糕。
To acknowledge a pattern of repeatedly breaking, of in fact never failing to break, would have meant acknowledging our powerlessness, admitting we could never act righteously.
承认一个不断打破的模式，事实上是永远不会打破的模式，就意味着承认我们的无能为力，承认我们永远不可能正直地行事。
Our faith trapped us: We needed to believe we could be good more than we needed to protect ourselves.
我们的信念束缚了我们:比起保护自己的需要，我们更需要相信自己可以做得更好。
As long as I didn’t take the birth-control pill, I could believe I wouldn’t sin again.
只要我不服用避孕药，我相信我就不会再犯错了。
His father always pulled out, which works until it doesn’t.
他的父亲总是退缩，这一直有效，直到他不再退缩。
