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What can we learn from children about being better humans?
关于如何变成更好的人，我们能从孩子身上学到什么呢？
They're fiercely loyal to their friends, fast to defend, quick to apologize and swift to forgive.
他们对待朋友十分忠诚，他们义无反顾地捍卫他人，也能干脆利落地道歉，更能爽快地原谅。
But as a past kindergarten teacher -- always a kindergarten teacher at heart
但作为一位前幼儿教师--在心底也永远是幼教，
I want to share with you a surprising lesson I learned from them about being asked for help.
我想与你们分享，孩子们教会我的有关寻求帮助的惊喜一课。
I love human behaviors -- how we act differently in different situations and environments
我喜欢观察人类的行为--在不同的情景和环境之下，我们的表现截然不同，
and these cute five-year-olds with their adorable cheeks and the perfect height to give warm, morning hugs to and almost a competitive love for high fives, were so interesting.
而这些有着可爱脸蛋，以及让人想要在早晨给一个温暖拥抱的完美身高又特别爱击掌的萌萌五岁小孩们是如此有趣。
My first class was called a Mars class. I had 10 students, and each were so full of character.
我教的第一个班级叫火星班。班里有十个学生，每个人都个性十足。
But there was this one kid I'll never forget.
但其中有一个孩子令我印象深刻。
Let's call him Sam. Sam behaved like he forgot he was only five.
我们暂且称他为山姆。山姆表现得仿佛不记得自己只有五岁。
He was so independent. Not only did he know how to tie his own shoelaces, but he knew how to tie other kids' shoelaces too.
他太独立了，他不仅知道如何自己系鞋带，还知道怎么给其他孩子系鞋带。
He also never took home a dirty thermos, because he would clean it after his lunch.
他从不会把脏水壶带回家，因为他每次吃过午饭后都会把它洗好。
And if something happened and he needed a change of clothes, he would do so very quietly and discreetly by himself.
就算发生了什么需要他换衣服的事情，他也会悄悄并谨慎得自己把衣服换好。
He didn't ask for help much himself, but he was the one that his classmates went to for help
他很少向别人寻求帮助，但班里的其他同学总会来找他帮忙。
help on things like, can he help them finish their kimchi? Because it's too spicy.
比如说，韩国泡菜太辣了，山姆能不能帮忙吃掉？
He didn't like showing any type of affection to teachers and came across as "the cool kid."
山姆不喜欢向老师表露情感，常以“酷孩子”的形象示人。
If you gave him a good-morning hug, he would roll his eyes and make a funny face as to show discontent,
如果你想在早上抱抱他，他会翻起白眼，并且做鬼脸以示不满；
but also stand there and wait if he didn't get his morning hug.
但要是不去抱他的话，他又会乖乖站着等待。
He was so smart and reliable that even I would forget that he was only five.
他实在太过聪明可靠，以至于连我都会忘记他只有五岁而已。
As a novice teacher, I spent a lot of time observing how more experienced teachers interacted with their students.
当时作为一名新幼师，我花了很长时间观察经验丰富的老教师是如何和学生们交流的。
And I noticed something very peculiar. Oftentimes when kids fall, they don't start crying immediately.
我由此发现了一件奇特的事，当孩子们摔倒的时候，他们常常不会立刻放声大哭。
They would stand up, puzzled, as if trying to make up their mind -- you know, "What just happened?"
他们会先站起来，满脸茫然，仿佛试图理清思路：“刚刚发生了什么？”
"Is this a big enough deal for me to cry? Does this hurt? What's going on?"
“我有没有必要哭？”“有没有摔疼？现在是什么情况？”
Usually kids will be OK until they lock eyes with an adult: one that they trust and know can do something for them.
孩子们往往不会有大碍，直到他们的目光与大人的相撞，一个他们信任的，并且知道会帮助他们的大人。
Eyes lock, and then, they burst out in tears. When I noticed this, I so wanted it to happen to me,
一旦目光锁定，孩子们立刻会嚎啕大哭。当我留意到这点时，我特别希望我也能体验一番，
because to me, that meant that you had earned a kid's trust and had proven that you're capable to help them with anything. You were a hero to them.
因为这代表着你已经赢得了一个孩子的信任，并且证明了你有能力帮助他们做任何事，你就是他们的英雄。
Weeks went by of me just watching other teachers have kids run to them in tears, and I'd watch in jealousy. Oh, was I jealous.
几周过去了，我只能满怀羡慕地望着孩子们哭着奔向其他老师，我真的太嫉妒了。
I mean, of course I didn't want the kids to fall,
当然，我不想让孩子们跌倒，
but I really wanted that moment of validation that yes, I had earned a kid's trust enough to be the one to help them.
可我真的好想获得那一瞬间的肯定，确认自己已赢得了一个孩子足够的信任来帮助他们。
Then, it finally happened. It was a beautiful day. It was during recess at the indoor playground.
然后，我终于梦想成真了。那是十分美好的一天，是在室内操场课间休息的时候。
The kids were playing and I was getting some things laminated -- because teachers are forever laminating stuff -- in the teacher's room next door.
孩子们在玩耍，我在办公室整理东西，因为老师们好像永远在隔壁房间整理东西。
Then I heard a kid yell, "Teacher, teacher, Sam fell down."
之后我听到一个孩子在喊：“老师，老师，山姆摔倒了！”
So I went out to peak, looked around for Sam, and there he was, looking very puzzled, as if he was trying to add double digits.
于是我出门张望，四处寻找山姆的身影，他就在那里，看上去十分迷茫，好像正在算十位数加法一样。
Then he looked at me, our eyes locked, and then it happened.
接着他看向我，我们的目光交汇了，这时神奇的事情发生了。
His lower lip started to tremble and his tiny eyes started to fill with tears.
他的下嘴唇开始颤抖，小小的眼睛逐渐充满泪水。
Then he burst out in tears running towards me, and it was glorious. I'll never forget that moment.
然后他大哭起来，边哭边跑向我，那一瞬间我倍感光荣，我永远也不会忘记那个时刻。
He let me give him a big hug to help him calm down,
他让我给了他一个大大的拥抱来帮助他平复心情，
and it turns out that yes, he did trip over his own two feet so there was no one other than the floor to reprimand.
后来我们发现，他的确是被自己绊倒了，要怪的话只能怪地板。
We checked to make sure that he wasn't hurt and he overcame that with not even a bruise.
我们仔细检查了一番，确保他没有受伤，他没事了，全身没有一处淤青。
It was in that moment, oddly -- it didn't feel like I was there to help Sam, but rather he was giving me this gift, this opportunity to help him.
但奇怪的是在那一瞬间，我仿佛感觉自己不是来帮助山姆的，而是他给了我这份馈赠、这个机会去帮助他。
And it's something very weird that I struggle putting down in words.
这太奇怪了，奇怪到无法用语言形容。
With his vulnerability in coming to me for help as if I could do something about it, you would think that gives me the power,
他来找我帮忙的时候显得那么脆弱，好像我能做点什么似的，你可能会认为这给予了我权力，
but in that moment, no, it was quite the opposite, and the power shifted even more so to him.
但在那一瞬间，恰恰相反，这种权力更多地转移到了他身上。
Being asked for help is a privilege: a gift for you to do something for someone, especially when it's coming from their place of vulnerability.
被寻求帮助是一种荣幸，是一份礼物，尤其在他人脆弱的时候，你可以借此为他们做点什么。
With everything I learned from kindergarten, or in "teaching" kindergarten, I went to conquer other things in life.
我在幼儿园里学到的一切，或者说是“教学”中学到的一切，也帮助我征服生活中的其他事情。
Fast-forward nine years, and I landed in an association for project management professionals in a role that works extensively with volunteers.
九年过后，我已成为某个项目管理专业人士协会的一员，而我负责的岗位要求和志愿者进行广泛合作。
Working with volunteers is a wonderful experience, but there are some things I wish had a been warned about, like how to set boundaries.
虽然与他们共事是一段美妙的经历，但有些事情我还是希望事先得到过提醒，比如界限设定的问题。
It's very easy to fall into the rabbit hole of "because they're volunteers."
我很容易陷入“因为他们是志愿者”这套说辞。
Late night calls? Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.
半夜三更打来的电话？得接，因为他们是志愿者，所以白天还要工作。
Business trips that are almost exclusively only on weekends? Yes, because they're volunteers and have day jobs.
只能在周末出差？得批准，因为他们是志愿者，所以白天还要工作。
Not to pat myself on the back, but I got quite good at my job. I was thriving off of the relationships I was building.
我不是安慰自己，但我的确很擅长这份工作，我不断与他人建立关系，并乐在其中。
And the best way I knew how to judge whether I had earned someone's trust was if they would come and ask me for help.
而我用来判断自己是否赢得了他人信任的最佳方式，就是看他们是否会找我帮忙。
I loved it. Every time we did year-end retreats and we talked about what we wanted to be in the next year, my keywords were always "help" or "helpful."
我爱这种体验。每次我们举办年终聚会，谈论到来年的心愿时，我的关键词总是“帮助”或者“帮的上忙的”。
The problem was that I wasn't being just helpful. Over time, I put more and more pressure on myself to always be busy and to always do a good job.
可问题是，我不仅总是在帮助别人，时间长了，我也不断在为自己施加压力：要永远让自己保持繁忙的状态，要永远要把工作做好。
Soon my self-worth became associated with my performance at work, which is basically a recipe for disaster.
很快，我就将自我价值和工作表现挂上了钩，这简直是一切灾祸的根源。
But don't worry, because I had the best coping mechanism, which was denial, distraction with even more work and drinking -- and lots of it.
但别担心，因为我有绝佳的应对机制，那就是否认：我会用更多的工作分散注意力，或者喝酒--喝很多。
I was so busy being helpful and independent and being a great Sam that I forgot how to ask for help when I needed it.
我一直忙着帮助别人，忙着保持独立，仿佛是长大版的山姆，以至于我自己需要帮助的时候却忘记了该如何开口。
All I had to do was ask, and if I truly believed that asking for help was a gift, then I should have been doing it more, right?
我要做的仅仅是开口询问，并且如果我真的相信寻求帮助是件馈赠，那么我反而应当多这样做，不是吗？
Well, we don't always practice what we preach, but about two years ago, I was slapped with a big, fat reminder.
看来我们往往不一定说到做到，但差不多两年前，我被一巴掌拍醒了。
To say that I was burned-out at the time was an understatement,
要说我筋疲力竭，在当时都是轻描淡写，
but thanks to my coping mechanism, drinking, it looked like I was just having a great time.
但多亏了我的应对机制以及喝酒解忧，我看上去还算过得开心。
But one day, just like Sam in the playground, I tripped over my own two feet.
然而有一天，正如那天操场上的山姆一样，我也不小心被自己绊倒了。
I blacked out and woke up with a big cut on my foot from broken pieces of glass,
当时我眼前一黑，再清醒过来时，发现脚上被碎玻璃割了一道大口，
eyes swollen from crying and a voice so hoarse that I'd most likely been wailing.
我当时大概一直在哭，因为后来我眼睛哭肿了，声音也哑了。
I don't have much recollection of what actually happened, but I remember feeling frustrated, sad and afraid.
虽然我已记不清具体的情形，但我还能记起自己有多沮丧与害怕。
Now you've known me for only about 10 minutes, but you can probably tell that this was really not like me,
而现在，你们虽然才认识了我差不多十分钟，但你们或许也能猜出那时的我表现得并不像我，
so when I came to my senses about what had happened, I was in shock.
所以，当我恢复了理智并弄清楚发生了什么后，我大吃一惊。
There was no other way of saying it other than that I needed help,
没有什么可说的了，那时的我太需要帮助了，
both in the sense of I needed some type of therapy help, but also help in getting out of that situation.
不仅需要物理上的治疗，也需要有人帮助我摆脱困境。
It was one of the lowest moments of my life, and even in that moment, my mind was running at hyperspeed into problem-solving mode.
那是我人生中最低谷的时刻之一，但即使在那时，我的脑子还在高速运转，切换到解决问题的模式。
What do I do with this? If I don't fix this, then I'm even more of a disappointment.
我能对此做些什么吗？如果我不解决这个问题，那么我会陷入更深的失望之中。
If I don't resolve this, then I'm even more of a failure.
如果我不解决这个问题，我会更加失败。
Those are things that were running through my mind, and it didn't even occur to me that I could ask for help.
当时我满脑子都是这些念头，甚至从没想到可以向别人寻求帮助。
I was surrounded by so many people who cared for me and wanted to help, but I just couldn't see them.
我周围有那么多关心我、想帮助我的人，但我却对他们视而不见。
Until finally, my good friend had to literally hold me by my shoulders and force me to ask for help.
直到最后，我的好朋友不得不摁住我的肩膀，强迫我允许她帮忙。
"Can you do this?" "No."
“你能做的来这个吗？” “不能。”
"Do you need help?" "Yes."
“你需要帮助吗？” “是的。”
"Can I help you?" "Yes."
“我可以帮你吗？” “可以。”
"Can I get others that love and care for you to help you too?" "Yes."
“那我能让其他爱你、在乎你的人来帮你吗？” “可以。”
That was my grown-up version of locking eyes with my teacher.
这简直是和老师目光交汇发生在我身上的成人版。
And just like that, as soon as I said, "Yes, you may help me," I felt a tingling of hope and some sort of control coming back.
就这样，当我终于说出“是的，你可以帮我”后，我便感到了一丝希望的悸动，好像重新夺回了某种掌控权。
And if you think about it, isn't it so weird we spend all of childhood being so good at asking for help
如果你思考一下，我们整个童年都十分擅长寻求帮助，
and are expected to grow up to be these self-reliant human beings and we get so good at it that we have to be reminded that it's OK to ask for help?
可长大后人们却期盼着我们独立自强，而有时我们又太过独立，以至于经常需要被提醒，寻求帮助并不可耻，这难道不奇怪吗？
Later, that moment helped me realize so many things. I'm always so happy to help others and I love it.
后来，那一刻发生的事情让我明白了许多，我很高兴能提供帮助，我也很喜欢这样做。
Why wouldn't others be willing to help me?
别人对我又何尝不是如此呢？
And more importantly, why wouldn't I want others to feel the happiness and joy that comes from helping the Sams of the world?
更重要的是，我又何尝不希望大家都能从帮助像山姆一类的人中，获得快乐与幸福呢？
We all want to be the best Sams in life: to be strong, independent and self-reliant, but we don't always have to be.
我们每个人都渴望成为山姆，他们坚定有力，独立自强，但我们不必总是这样。
So let's start asking for help more often, because helping Sams is a privilege and a gift. Thank you.
多向他人寻求帮助吧，因为帮助山姆们是一种荣幸和馈赠。谢谢大家。
