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Well, it was the night of the twelfth day of my 21-day trip. I'm settling into camp.
那是在21天旅行中第十二天的晚上。我在帐篷里安置了下来。
I'd already hiked 80 miles to this point and I had a three-day trek to Machu Pichu.
当时我已经徒步走了80英里，我还要坐三天的牛车前往马丘比丘。
And I was full-on sick of myself.
我对自己厌烦透了。
Wrestling with the loss of my anonymity, I was guilt ridden for sins of my past, I was a lot of regret.
不能再隐匿身份，这令我很纠结，我为自己过去的罪过感到惭愧无比，满是悔恨。
I was lonely, disgusted with my company: mine, and I was doing a pretty good job of mentally beating the shit out of myself.
我很孤独，对我的同伴——我自己充满厌恶之情，还在思想上层面狠狠批斗了自己一番。
Anyway, grappling with these demons on this night, I couldn't sleep.
不管怎么说，由于那一晚同那些魔鬼斗争，我无法入睡。
All of these badges and banners and expectations and anxieties I was carrying with me: I needed to free myself from them.
我随身携带的所有的奖章、旗帜、期待和焦虑：我需要使自己摆脱它们。
"Who was I?" I asked myself, not only on this trip, but in this life. So I stripped down to nothing.
不光是在这次旅行中，在整个一生之中我都在扪心自问：“我曾经是谁？”所以我把自己剥得干干净净。
I took every moniker that gave me pride and confidence, all the window dressings, the packaging around the product.
我清除了所有给我带来骄傲和信心的标记，所有的窗户装饰物，产品外包装。
I discard them all. I got rid of my lucky and faithful American cap.
我把它们全都扔了。我丢掉了一直戴着的、给我带来幸运的美式帽子。
I stripped off my talismans from adventures past.
我摘掉了以往探险中得到的护身符。
I even discarded my late father's gold ring with an M on it that he gave to me,
我甚至丢掉了已经过世了的父亲给我的金戒指，上面有个字母M。
and it was a meltdown of he and my mom's class rings and gold from my mom's teeth. I even got rid of that.
那是他和我妈妈的毕业戒指再加上妈妈的金牙融化后制成的。我把那也扔了。
I was naked. Literally and figuratively. And I got sick.
我赤身裸体。不论是字面意思还是比喻意思都是如此。我感到恶心。
Soaked in sweat, I threw up until there was no bile left in my belly, and finally passed out from exhaustion.
大汗淋漓，呕吐不止，直到吐光了胆汁，最终筋疲力尽，昏迷了过去。
Now, a few hours later, I awoke on this thirteenth morning to a rising sun. Surprisingly fresh and energized.
几个钟头后，我在旅行的第十三天的早晨醒了过来，看到一轮初升的太阳。我感到不可思议的精神抖擞。
I dressed, made some tea and I went for a morning walk.
我穿好衣服，泡了点儿茶喝，然后出去散步。
Not towards my destination Machu Pichu, but rather to nowhere in particular.
不是去我的目的地马丘比丘，而是漫无目的地闲逛。
My gut was still a bit piqued from last night's purge,
由于前一晚的呕吐，我的肠道仍然有些不适，
but I curiously felt pretty good: felt alive, felt clean, felt free and light.
但奇怪的是我感觉相当不错：充满活力，洁净，自由轻松。
