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Well, it's Friday, October 5th, and people are calling today the first anniversary of the #MeToo movement.
今天是10月5日星期五，人们把今天叫作“我也是”运动一周年。
President Trump said he plans to celebrate the way he does with all his anniversaries, totally ignoring it.
小特总统称他的庆祝方式和其他的纪念日一样，完全忽略不计。
Well, listen to this, I just read that Stormy Daniels' new book is now a best-seller on Amazon.
听听这个，斯托米·丹尼尔斯的新书成为了亚马逊畅销书。
It's Amazon's only item where you click Add to Cart and a message pops up saying, Are you sure?
在亚马逊，这本书是唯一一个当你点加入购物车时，它会提醒你确认吗的产品。
I don't know. That's right, Stormy Daniels' book, Full Disclosure is already a best-seller,
我不知道，没错，丹尼尔斯的新书《全面揭露》成为了畅销书，
but to boost sales even more, they're looking for the right celebrity to record the audiobook.
但为了提升销售额，他们寻找明星们录制音频版。
We got out hands on the audition tapes, and some of the readers would make for pretty interesting choices.
我们拿到了试听带，许多读者的选择真的十分有趣。
Check these out right here. First they tried Adam Sandler. Why would they do that? I don't know. Listen to this.
来听听这个，他们首先找到了亚当·桑德勒，他们为什么这么做？我不知道，来听听。
He had taken off his suit, and was down to his white briefs,
他脱了他的西服，脱到只剩下白色内裤，
a white V-neck...and socks! Oh, wow. Did th...I.... Really? I would buy that.
白色V型领和袜子，哦哦，真的吗，我会买的。
You would buy that book? Yeah, I would buy it. I don't know if they're going with him.
你会买这本书？没错，我会买，我不知道他们是否会同意。
The audition...They tried Jerry Seinfeld. Really?! Another comedian. Listen to this.
试听带，他们还找了杰瑞·宋飞，真的？另一名喜剧演员，来听听。
He was a little verbal, but nothing dirty! 'That's great!' he said. 'That's great!
口语化很严重，但不是很肮脏，不错，他说不错。
Oh, you're so beautiful! Yeah, that's...I don't know if that's the right choice.
哦，你太漂亮了，我不知道这么做对不对。
Yeah. You find this odd? I find it odd that it's...
你觉得很奇怪吗？我觉得很奇怪...
It's a coincidence that you happened to do impressions of all the people that got to read these books.
巧合的是，你是在模仿所有读文章的人的声音。
That's what you find odd about it? Yeah, I think that's weird. Well, no, it's not weird, because they tried Gilbert Gottfried.
你认为这一点很奇怪吗？没错，我觉得很奇怪，不奇怪，因为他们找了吉尔伯特·戈特弗里德。
Really? Yeah. Can we listen to that? Oh, let's listen to that one. We kissed, and his hard,
真的吗？没错，来听听？来听听这个，我们接吻了，他僵硬，
darting tongue pushed in and out of my mouth. I thought he's even a terrible kisser.
鲁莽的舌头在我的嘴里出来进去，我认为他不太会接吻。
That's... And finally, they tried this guy.
最后，他们找了这个人。
He let out a big sigh and added, 'We're so good together, honey bunch.'
他长叹了一口气，说我们在一起很棒。
That would be his name for me from now on. Boom. Now that...What book is this again? Yeah....
从现在起，这就是他的名字，恩恩，这本书叫什么来着？
I don't know if I'm ready for any of them.
我觉得我都没准备好。
Guys, check this out, the Pentagon is looking into building an insect army to defend crops.
听听这个，五角大楼计划建造昆虫部队来抵御农作物。
When asked how they came up with the idea for an insect army, the Pentagon said,
当被问及怎么想起建造昆虫部队时，他们说，
The President saw 'Ant-Man', and, uh...that's...We had to invent an insect army.
总统看了《蚁人》，所以不得不建造昆虫部队。
