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Let's get to some news here. Today was the big Senate hearing for President Trump's Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh,
来听听新闻，今天是小特高院提名人布雷特·卡瓦诺的参议院听证会，
and his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. Trump said he was clearing his schedule to watch on TV,
还有他的指控者福特教授，小特说要将推掉所有计划，专注于观看电视，
then realized his schedule already said, Watch TV all day. And you go...
但发现他的时刻表已经说整天看电视。
Actually, Trump watched the hearing while flying on Air Force One.
其实，小特是在空军一号上看的直播。
You could tell it wasn't going well, cause midway through, Trump tried stepping outside to get some air.
进展一定没那么顺利，因为在直播中途，小特试图出去呼吸一下新鲜空气。
He's like, Oh my goodness. It's not good. Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of sexual misconduct by several women,
他说老天啊，不太好，布雷特·卡瓦诺被指控性侵多名女性，
and many Republicans are still defending him. Americans were like, Here's an idea...
许多共和党人依然在维护他，美国人说我有个想法，
just pick a different judge. There's thousands of judges. Anyone.
另选一名不就完了，美国有数千名法官，任何人都行。
What is Judge Judy up to? Let's get Judge Judy in there.
法官朱迪在忙什么？让朱迪法官来吧。
Judge Joe Brown. Simon Cowell. I don't care who it is.
乔.布朗法官，西蒙·考威尔法官，我不在乎是谁。
And you see this? Last night, President Trump held a pretty wild press conference in New York.
听说了吗？昨晚小特在纽约开新闻发布会，他的发言确实很疯狂。
At one point, he tried to explain why China respects him. Watch this.
一次，他向人们解释为什么中国尊重他，来看看。
China has total respect for Donald Trump and for Donald Trump's very, very large, uh, brain.
中国非常尊重小特，以及小特的，的大脑。
They also love shaking Donald Trump's very, very large, uh, hands. Very large.
他们还喜欢握小特的，的大手，非常大。
In the same press conference, Trump was asked about Judge Kavanaugh.
还是这场发布会，小特被问到卡瓦诺法官。
He made an interesting comparison. Listen to this.
他做了一个非常有趣的比较，来听听。
If we brought George Washington here and we said,
如果今天这个人是乔治·华盛顿，我们说，
We have George Washington, the Democrats would vote against him, just so you understand.
这个人是乔治·华盛顿，民主党我想也会反对他，你明白的。
And he may have had a bad past. Who knows, you know?
或许他的过去也不太好，你知道的。
He may have had some, I think, accusations made. Didn't he have a couple of things in his past?
他或许也做了许多，也有指控等等，难道他曾经没有吗？
Trump was like, He used to get drunk and show women his Washington Monument.
小特像是在说，他曾喝醉酒，带女人去看华盛顿纪念堂。
He did. I heard. Didn't he? Didn't he do that?
真的，我听说了，真的吗？真的如此吗？
In the end, Trump decided to wrap up his press conference by quoting Elton John. Watch this.
最后，小特以艾尔顿·约翰的话结束，来看看。
Always like to finish with a good one. Elton John said, When you hit that last tune and it's good,
好话结束，埃尔顿像是在说，当你唱响最后一个节奏，如果它感觉不错，
don't go back. Yeah. I guess Trump really loves Elton John, Which explains his new 2020 campaign slogan...
那就不要退缩，我知道小特喜欢埃尔顿的原因了，你看他2020年竞选标语就知道了，
Donald Trump: The bitch is back.
小特：这个傻帽回来了。
Wow. Wow! He's a huge Elton John fan. Loves Elton John. I did not know that. Well, check him out a few minutes later.
哦哦，他是艾尔顿·约翰的粉丝，非常爱艾尔顿，我不知道，来看看几分钟后的情景。
Really? This was...Yeah. For less than 500,000 dollars. Wow!
少于50万美金，哦哦。
Guys, get this. Yesterday, Robert Mueller was spotted at an Apple store.
昨天朋友们，人们在苹果商店看到了罗伯特·米勒。
When he said his computer is really slow, the employee said, Like normal slow or your investigation slow?
当他说我的电脑很慢时，雇员说是正常缓慢还是调查很慢？
There's actually a photo of Mueller at the store. Take a look at this.
这是米勒在苹果商店，来看看吧。
Yeah. It was a good one. The employee said...Let me just show this computer to my boss.
没错，这个不错，雇员说让我把电脑给老板看看。
I'll be right back. Guys, the news has been pretty bleak this week,
我马上回来，朋友们，本周新闻有些惨淡，
so I thought I'd take a second to focus on some of the lighter news stories that you might have missed
所以来看一些轻松点的新闻，你们或许漏掉了一些新闻，
in a way a lot of people are having fun with online. You'll see what I mean. It's time for In Lighter News. Here we go.
人们在网上可是乐得不行不行的，来看看，现在又到了“轻新闻”时间，来看看。
In Lighter News. Roses are red, violets are rising.
在轻新闻中，玫瑰是红色的，紫罗兰在不断生长。
A seal slapped a man in the face with an octopus because nature never stops surprising.
海豹用章鱼打了男人的脸，因为自然一直在给我们惊喜。
Roses are red, violets are new.
玫瑰是红的，紫罗兰是新的。
Gay penguins kidnap chick from straight parents at Denmark zoo.
在丹麦动物园，同性恋企鹅从异性恋父母那偷了小崽。
Roses are red, violets have dents.
玫瑰是红的，紫罗兰有凹痕。
The teen who Ashton Kutcher hit with a car is fine and said it turned out to be a really cool experience.
阿什顿·库彻用车撞倒了一名青少年，这名青少年说这种体验真是不错。
In Lighter News. Ahh! Finally, I heard that Kanye West was recently spotted wearing a Make America Great Again hat
在“轻新闻”，听说坎耶·维斯特被看到戴了“美国再次伟大”帽子，
and a Colin Kaepernick sweatshirt.
和科林·卡佩尼克运动衫。
And, yet, somehow, it's still the least confusing thing Kanye has ever done.
然而，这是坎耶做过的最不让人迷惑的事情。
We have a great show. Give it up for The Roots!
节目很精彩，掌声送给紫金乐队。
