And she goes, "Uh... no."
然后她说:“呃,不记得。”
Of course, the only thing I could say at that point was, "Yeah, me neither. Yeah -- me neither."
所以当然了,我也只能说:“哦,我也是...我也是。”
And I'm thinking to myself, "Brené, what are you doing? Why did you bring this up?
然后我对自己说:“布琳,你在干什么?你在干吗呢?你怎么会提这个?
Have you lost your mind? Your sisters would be perfect for this."
你昏了头了吗? 你的姐妹这方面是很完美的。”
So I looked back up and she said, "Are you really going to try to break in and steal the video before they put it on YouTube?"
我回过神来,于是她说: “你不会是真的想撬门进去,在他们上传到YouTube之前,把视频偷出来吧?”
And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit."
我说:“我就是想了一小下。”
She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever."
她说:“你就是史上最糟糕的脆弱者榜样。”
Then I looked at her and I said something that at the time felt a little dramatic, but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic.
然后我看着她说了一些,当时看有点戏剧性,现在看更像是预言的话。
I said, "If 500 turns into 1,000 or 2,000, my life is over."
如果500变成1000或者2000,我就死定了。
I had no contingency plan for four million.
我压根就没想过四百万点击率是什么情况。
And my life did end when that happened.
于是我的生活真的完了。
And maybe the hardest part about my life ending is that I learned something hard about myself,
而或许其中最困难的,就是我发现了自身纠结的那一部分,
and that was that, as much as I would be frustrated about not being able to get my work out to the world,
那就是:一方面我会因为无法把我的工作成果展现给公众而失落,
there was a part of me that was working very hard to engineer staying small, staying right under the radar.
而另一方面我又非常努力想做到不引人注目,隐藏在公众的视线之下。
But I want to talk about what I've learned.
但是我想讲一下我所学到的。
There's two things that I've learned in the last year.
在过去的一年我学到两件事。