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It's the new riddle of the Sphinx: “Why didn’t he call me back?” You have a great first date with a promising guy. You think it went well and expect to see him again… but then poof! He vanishes inexplicably. You sit around with your girlfriends and debate why he didn’t call you back. What happened in between “I’ll pick you up at 8pm” and “poof?” You speculate, you obsess, you rationalize, you justify. You want to know why. When your friends tell you, “It’s not you, it’s him,” you want to know if they’re trying to be nice or telling you the truth.
“他为什么不给我打电话呢？”这可是一个难解之谜哦。他是个好小伙，你们俩的第一次约会也十分美满，你很想跟他继续交往下去，可是……他却“噗”的一声人间蒸发了，真是莫名其妙呀。你跟你的闺蜜们聚在一起，争论着他不给你打电话的原因——在他决定说出“八点钟我来接你”和“噗”的一下消失之间到底发生了什么事？你们想啊，猜啊，推理啊，判断啊，就是想把原因弄个明明白白。可是到最后，朋友们对你说“不是你的错，是他不好”的时候，你却不知道她们是在安慰你呢，还是说的实话。
Guess what? There is someone who does know the truth about what really happened on your date. But it’s not you. It’s not your friends. And it’s certainly not your mother. It’s the guy you went out with. So I decided to ask him for you! In fact, I asked 1,000 “hims.” During the past ten years as a dating coach and matchmaker, I conducted “exit interviews” with 1,000 single guys to find out why you never heard from him again after a date, or after he flirted with you online or at a party. And I got some real answers. It turns out there are clear, consistent reasons why men show initial interest and then disappear. Sure, sometimes the issue is all his—who hasn’t gone out occasionally with a real jerk? But it turns out that many times we’re sending out signals we might not be aware of. And the good news is that most of these signals are easy to fine-tune.
你想不到吧，的确有人知道事件的真相，可是这个人不是你，不是你的朋友，当然也不是你的老妈，他就是另一个当事人——跟你约会的那个家伙；所以我决定替你亲自“审问”他。呃，事实上，我审问了1000个“他”；在过去的十年里，身为一个约会指导师兼红娘，我总共对1000名单身小伙作过“分手后的调查”，目的就是找出其中缘故——为什么他会在初次约会之后就杳无音信、为什么他在网上或者聚会上给你送了一吨“秋波”之后却没了人影儿。我查到了很多真相，在男人们先是热情如火、接着却偃旗息鼓的背后，确实存在着清晰且一致的理由。有时候的确是对方脑子进水了，那种约会中的“傻X”男人，女人们都或多或少遇到过；但另一些时候，是咱们自己没注意，给他发送出去的是错误的“信号”。令人欣慰的是，这些误会是很容易纠正过来的。
Men essentially confessed that when they first meet you, they have several “female stereotypes” floating around in their mind. They quickly try to peg which stereotype you are and then look for evidence to back up their hunch. You know who you are deep down, but he doesn’t yet. So he will decide whether to call you again based on his perception of you, not the reality. In the early stage of dating, perception is reality. Here are three of the most common reasons men revealed why they aren’t calling women back (get the other 7 reasons - and what you can do about all of them - in my new book).
男士们都承认，在初次见面之前，他们早就在脑海中将女人分了几个类型，接着他们会迅速地将你归类，然后在约会中寻觅各种信息、信号，来证明他们的预想。你了解自己，可他不了解啊，所以他就根据对你的印象、而不是你的“真我”来决定是否再次约你、跟你交往下去。在两人约会的初期，男人是把“直觉中的你”当做“真的你”来对待了。下面列出的是三个最常见的原因，导致了男人的急流勇退（其余七条以及应对措施，请参看拙著）。
