My ex-boyfriend and I dated on and off for about three years, but he broke it off this summer for good. It's been six months since we've had any contact at all - no texts or calls, no interactions in person - but I still love him just as much as I did when we were together, and I've been absolutely heartbroken and miserable every day since we broke up. I've kept busy, spent time with friends, focused on my own hobbies, deleted him on all social media, and even started seeing other guys, but I can't take an interest in anyone else and I don't feel like I've made any progress in getting over my ex at all. I know everyone says it doesn't happen overnight, but it's been 180 days and I still cry about it every day. I feel like I'm doing everything right; why aren't I feeling any better? When people say “it just takes time,” there’s a reason why they don’t say how much time. That reason is: Nobody knows.

I wish there were an equation that could spit out an exact answer for you. Something like: Total months of sorrow = L (length of relationship) divided by π (or 0.5π if you lived together or were married), minus one hour for each healthy hour spent on self-care (the variables you mention, like time spent with friends, hobbies, etc.). But that’s bad math: Broken hearts aren’t medical injuries that take a typical number of months to heal. There’s no correct or healthy amount of time. Every person is an unsolvable variable.

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