评论
打印
A little more than 16 years ago, a newborn infant was left by the side of a Chinese road in winter, and thus began my love affair with her, and with her homeland.
16年前的冬天，一个初生的女婴被遗弃在中国的路边，我对她和她祖国的爱也由此发源。
It hasn’t all been unadulterated bliss in either of my relationships — that with my adopted Chinese daughter Grace (and her Chinese sister Lucy), and with the country that could not keep them. But I am in this for the long haul: Grace and Lucy, now 16 and 15, are my forever children. And China will forever be their motherland.
我们之间的关系也并非尽善尽美——不论是我与我的中国养女Grace（还有她的中国妹妹Lucy），还是我与那个无法收容她们的国家。但我却一直笃信：Grace和Lucy（今年分别为16岁和15岁），永远是我的孩子。而中国将永远是她们的祖国。
However many times they may renew their American passports, however many US elections they vote in, however many US driver’s licences they will procure, a part of them will be forever China. And a part of me will be, too.
无论她们的美国护照更换多少回，无论她们为美国大选投过多少次票，无论她们会获得多少本美国驾照，她们的一部分将永远是中国的。我的一部分也将如是。
I moved our family to China in 2008 to honour that Chinese part of all of us. Lucky for me, the Financial Times had offered me a job in Shanghai that made this possible. And thus began the great Waldmeir Sinicisation project. My plan was to take two kids who became accidental Americans in the instant that I adopted them, and teach them how to be Chinese in China. It seemed like such a good idea at the time.
2008年，我将全家搬到中国，为了我们身上属于中国的那一部分。我很幸运，英国《金融时报》(Financial Times)给了我一份上海的工作让这一切如愿以偿。于是开启了沃德米尔汉化计划(Waldmeir Sinicisation project)。我打算教会这两个因被我收养而意外成为美国人的孩子如何在中国做中国人。当时这个想法似乎很不错。
Now, eight years later, our family is heading back to America, each to a greater or lesser degree a Sinophile. After so many years in China, one of us has lost her taste for American food, distinctly preferring noodles to burgers; another loves speaking Mandarin and will really miss the chance to practise her tones back home, and the third says she “never really left America in the first place”.
而今，8年过去了，我们家又准备返回美国。我们每个家庭成员都或多或少怀有中国情结。在中国生活这么多年后，我们中的一员已然对美国食品兴致全无，爱面条远胜汉堡；另一位爱说汉语普通话并将彻底错过回家练习英语口语的机会，还有一位则称：她“根本未曾真正离开过美国”。
I will not reveal which of us is which. But I sometimes think the most Chinese person in our family is lily-white, Italo-German-Swiss-American me.
以上各指，恕不言明。但我有时却觉得，在我家最像中国人的那个，反倒是我这个白皮肤的，有着意大利、德国、瑞士血统的美国人。
My kids might be Chinese by birth but by temperament they are 100 per cent American teen, by which I mean they think Mom is never right about anything. So they were never particularly onboard with us re-enacting the Chinese version of Roots . But when we arrived, they were only 7 and 8 — still young enough to drag around from the dog-eating provinces of the south to the ice castles of the north, hoping that a flavour of their homeland would sink deep into their bones, by osmosis.
我的孩子们或许生来是中国人，但在性情上她们是百分之百的美国青少年，比如她们认为妈妈从来没有对过。所以她们从未十分赞同由我们重演中国版的《根》(Roots)。然而，我们刚到中国时，她们一个只有7岁，另一个只有8岁——那时她们还小，我可以带她们四处游览，从吃狗肉的南方省份到北方的冰雪城堡，以期她们祖国的风土人情在潜移默化中浸透她们的骨血。
With hindsight, it might have been better to skip the trip, when they were 10 and 11, to that town in Guizhou province where every restaurant serves only dog meat. Grace hid in the car the whole time and Lucy has never let me forget that the first thing she saw, upon entering Xiao Hong’s dog diner, was a wok full of simmering puppy paws. Sometimes I took the cultural authenticity thing a step too far, and few Chinese eat dog these days anyway.
事后看来，那次贵州小镇之旅还不如不去，那时她们一个10岁一个11岁，那里的每家饭馆只卖狗肉。Grace一直躲在车里，而Lucy从未让我忘记她踏进小红狗肉馆看到的第一幕，一口满是炖狗蹄的大锅。有时我过于追求文化的真实性，毕竟现今吃狗肉的中国人只是少数。
I might have had more luck in teaching them to love China if I had stuck to bribing them with dumplings, bootleg DVDs and their own private stash of fireworks with which to risk blowing their arms off at lunar new year. That is something they wouldn’t get back home.
如果我坚持拿饺子、盗版DVD、及她们私藏的在农历新年可能炸掉她们胳膊的鞭炮去讨好她们的话，我在教育她们去爱中国时会幸运得多。那些东西她们回到美国可得不到。
My goal was to give them access to the culture, the values, and most of all the language that goes along with the faces they were born with.
我的初衷是，让她们接触中国文化、中国价值观、特别是和她们与生俱来的面孔相匹配的中国语言。
I think I have done that, but only time will tell whether doing so has bred in them an enduring love for their motherland — or put them off it forever.
我想我做到了，但唯有时间才能证明，这样做是会令她们产生对中国持久的爱——还是会适得其反。
But at 15 and 16, the choice is theirs now. I have finished trying to teach them how to be Chinese in China. Now it’s time for them to teach themselves to be Chinese in America. I am not sure I envy them that prospect, at a time when ethnicity is such a Trump-touchy subject but I am quite certain they don’t want my advice on how to manage it.
而如今她们已年满15岁和16岁，选择权已在她们自己。我已不再尝试教她们如何在中国做中国人。现在轮到她们教自己如何在美国做中国人。我不确定自己是否羡慕她们的前景——现在种族已成为一个“特朗普敏感话题”(Trump-touchy subject)——但我十分确定她们不用我来建议该如何应对。
And then very soon they will be all grown up and living in a two-power world where they will have a foot in each camp. Maybe they will thank me for that; maybe they will hate me for it, or maybe they just plain won’t care. Perhaps I will be long gone by the time they even make up their minds about all this. Maybe these two lost daughters of China will only grow into their Chineseness over decades.
很快她们都将长大成人，生活在一个两大强国并立的世界，并与这两个国家都有渊源。她们或许会因此感谢我，或许会因此埋怨我，又或许根本不在乎。可能多年以后我不在了，她们才会对这一切有所判断。也许数十载以后，这两个中国遗孤的身上才会具有她们的中国性。
But it won’t take me that long: already there is a corner of my foreign heart that will be forever China. I only hope that I won’t always be the most Chinese member of the family.
但对我而言，这个过程不会那么漫长：我这个外国人的内心里有一个角落将永远属于中国。我只希望自己不会总是我们家最像中国人的那个。
