评论
打印
Is love all you need? Current societal narratives tell us that romantic love is an 'ultimate concern;' it's the highest goal a human being can attain.
爱情是你所需要的一切吗？当前的社会叙事告诉我们，浪漫的爱情是一种“终极关怀”，是人类可以达到的最高目标。
We're all after it; many, if not most, books, poetry, music, and films revolve around it.
我们都在追求它；许多书籍、诗歌、音乐和电影都围绕着它展开。
Ultimately, beyond everything life offers, we all want a romantic relationship providing us with an undying love that allows us to live happily ever after and washes away our sorrows.
最终，除了生活提供的一切之外，我们都希望浪漫的关系能给我们带来永恒的爱，让我们从此过上幸福的生活，洗去我们的悲伤。
But unfortunately, in the vast majority of cases, romantic love isn't what it's promised to be.
但不幸的是，在绝大多数情况下，浪漫的爱情并不是人们所承诺的那样。
It's not a source of long-lasting happiness; it's not an answer to our unhappiness and loneliness.
它不是持久幸福的源泉；它不是解决我们不快乐和孤独的答案。
And according to some, falling in love, despite its euphoria, does more harm than good.
有些人认为，坠入爱河，尽管令人欣喜，但弊大于利。
Losing oneself in a vortex of uncontrollable emotions varying from extreme joy and passion to numbing agony can wreak havoc on mental and physical well-being.
迷失在无法控制的情绪漩涡中，从极度的喜悦和激情到麻木的痛苦，会严重损害身心健康。
There's scientific evidence that falling in love can be harmful. Also, according to Buddhism, romantic love is detrimental to attaining happiness, which is ironic, as society often views romance as the ultimate ingredient for happiness.
有科学证据表明，坠入爱河是有害的。此外，根据佛教的说法，浪漫的爱情不利于获得幸福，这很讽刺，因为社会往往将浪漫视为幸福的终极要素。
Hence, most of us desperately seek a romantic partner that allows us to enter that experience. But falling in love has serious downsides.
因此，我们大多数人都拼命寻找一个能让我们进入这种体验的浪漫伴侣。但坠入爱河有严重的负面影响。
And even though this goes entirely against the social narrative, the idea of avoiding falling in love (or romantic love) is worth examining for the skeptics among us.
尽管这完全违背了社会叙事，但避免坠入爱河（或浪漫的爱情）的想法值得我们中间的怀疑论者研究。
This video explores reasons not to fall in love. (1) Romantic love is addictive. When we fall in love, we experience the world differently.
这个视频探讨了不坠入爱河的原因。（1）浪漫的爱情令人上瘾。当我们坠入爱河时，我们会以不同的方式体验世界。
The people we don't like we deem slightly more likable, and the job we usually hate doesn't seem so bad.
我们不喜欢的人，我们会觉得稍微讨人喜欢一些，我们通常讨厌的工作似乎也没那么糟糕。
The sky looks more beautiful, colors pop up more vividly, and many of our problems and worries disappear like snow in the sun.
天空看起来更美丽，色彩更加鲜艳，我们的许多问题和烦恼就像阳光下的雪一样消失了。
It's no surprise that people chase the experience of falling in love. There's nothing like it.
人们追求坠入爱河的经历并不奇怪。没有什么比这更好的了。
It seems to eclipse all other experiences, good or bad, suddenly unmasking their insignificance.
它似乎掩盖了所有其他的经历，无论是好是坏，突然间揭示了它们的微不足道。
It's like our previous life has always been in shambles and that everything falls into place and that our pale existence gains color and our emptiness turns into fullness.
就像我们以前的生活一直一团糟，一切都井然有序，我们苍白的存在变得色彩斑斓，我们的空虚变成了充实。
We see love as something supernatural and mystical, and humanity has so far dedicated countless poems, love stories & songs, operas, plays, films, and television series, to this profound occurrence.
我们将爱情视为超自然和神秘的东西，迄今为止，人类已经为这一深刻的事件创作了无数的诗歌、爱情故事和歌曲、歌剧、戏剧、电影和电视剧。
British philosopher Bertrand Russel stated: I believe myself that romantic love is the source of the most intense delights that life has to offer.
英国哲学家伯特兰·罗素说：我相信浪漫的爱情是生命所能给予的至乐的源泉。
In the relation of a man and woman who love each other with passion and imagination and tenderness, there is something of inestimable value, to be ignorant of which is a great misfortune to any human being. End quote.
一对男女如果用激情、想象力、温柔深爱着彼此，他们的关系中会存在着某种无法估量的价值。对此一无所知将会是一种巨大不幸。
According to science, we experience falling in love so intensely because our brains release different chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin,
根据科学，我们之所以会如此强烈地坠入爱河，是因为我们的大脑会释放出不同的化学物质，如多巴胺和催产素，
which are associated with emotions like lust, excitement, euphoria, and attachment, that play their parts in attraction and bonding.
这些化学物质与欲望、兴奋、欣快和依恋等情绪有关，在吸引和联结中发挥作用。
Interestingly, some scientists compare falling in love to using intoxicants like drugs.
有趣的是，一些科学家将坠入爱河比作使用麻醉剂，比如吸毒。
Biological anthropologist and senior researcher Dr. Helen Fisher argues that romantic love is like cocaine.
生物人类学家、高级研究员海伦·费舍尔博士认为，浪漫的爱情就像可卡因。
"From ecstasy to withdrawal, the lover resembles an addict" is the subtitle of her article in the science magazine Nautilus,
“从狂喜到戒断，恋爱中的人就像瘾君子”是她在科学杂志《鹦鹉螺》上发表的文章的副标题，
which tells us that the kind of craving that comes with being in love is a central component of all addictions.
文章告诉我们，恋爱带来的渴望是所有成瘾的核心组成部分。
She bases her conclusion on brain scans which show that, when in love, the same regions in the brain are activated as when using drugs.
她的结论是基于脑部扫描，扫描显示，恋爱时，大脑中激活的区域与吸毒时激活的区域相同。
And so, the lover shows behavioral patterns similar to that of an addict.
因此，坠入爱河的人表现出与瘾君子类似的行为模式。
I quote: As their obsession builds, the lover seeks to interact with the beloved more and more, known in addiction literature as "intensification."
随着痴迷的加深，恋人会越来越多地寻求与所爱之人的互动，在成瘾文献中，这被称为“强化”。
They also think obsessively about their beloved, a form of intrusive thinking fundamental to drug dependence. End quote.
他们还会痴迷地想着所爱之人，这是药物依赖的一种基本侵入性思维形式。
So, like a drug, love is addictive. And, as with drugs, we need our fix. We need that person to experience and perpetuate the high we crave.
就像毒品一样，爱情也会上瘾。而且，就像毒品一样，我们需要满足自己的需求。我们需要那个人来体验和延续我们渴望的快感。
And if we don't get it, we'll get withdrawal symptoms comparable to those of addicts.
如果我们得不到满足，我们就会像瘾君子一样出现戒断症状。
And to get someone we love out of our systems, we must go through a phase of abstinence to weaken our attachments to the drug we crave – in the lover's case: the person they are in love with.
为了让我们所爱的人摆脱我们的系统，我们必须经历一个禁欲阶段，以削弱我们对所渴望的药物的依恋——在恋爱里即削弱对爱上的人的依恋。
(2) Being in love distorts reality. Falling in love someone is like an infatuation with the person one loves.
（2）恋爱会扭曲现实。爱上一个人就像是对自己所爱之人的迷恋。
Consequently, we wear so-called love goggles (or rose-tinted glasses), through which we see the person as much more beautiful and desirable than they truly are.
因此，我们戴上了所谓的爱情眼镜（或玫瑰色眼镜），透过这种眼镜，我们看到的人比他们真正的面貌更加美丽和令人向往。
This 'Love Goggle Syndrom' leads to us not seeing the flaws of the individual we're captivated with.
这种“爱情眼镜综合症”导致我们看不到我们迷恋的人的缺点。
And so we might fall for abusive people, narcissists, and psychopaths that have anything but our well-being on their agendas.
因此，我们可能会爱上那些虐待狂、自恋者和精神病患者，他们除了关心我们的幸福之外什么都不关心。
We may even think that the person we're infatuated with is 'the one' when, logically, it's doubtful that there is such a thing as 'the one.'
我们甚至可能认为我们迷恋的人就是“唯一”，但从逻辑上讲，很难想象有“唯一”的存在。
There are probably millions of other candidates that'd be a better fit than the person we're with.
可能有数百万其他候选人比我们现在的伴侣更合适。
Yet, when we're in love, we tend to view a completely ordinary human being as 'special' and uniquely fit to be with us.
然而，当我们坠入爱河时，我们倾向于将一个完全普通的人视为“特别的”，并且是与我们在一起的唯一合适人选。
We even sacralize love and give it an esoteric meaning as if it's 'meant to be,' undoubtedly something higher than just biology.
我们甚至将爱情神圣化，并赋予它一种深奥的含义，好像它是“命中注定的”，毫无疑问，它比生物学更高尚。
Love goggles also lead to us taking risks and making unwise and irrational decisions.
爱情眼镜还会导致我们冒险并做出不明智和不理性的决定。
We lie and present ourselves differently to appear more desirable, set our values and boundaries aside, and behave in ways we'd usually never entertain, whatever it takes to be with the person we crave for.
我们撒谎并以不同的方式表现自己，以显得更有魅力，将我们的价值观和界限放在一边，并以我们通常不会考虑的方式行事，不惜一切代价与我们渴望的人在一起。
We may also fall in love while married; this experience could be so strong that we're willing to risk our marriages by cheating.
我们也可能在结婚后坠入爱河；这种体验可能如此强烈，以至于我们愿意冒着婚姻风险去欺骗。
Perhaps more positively: when we're in love, obstacles become possibilities.
也许更积极一点：当我们坠入爱河时，障碍就变成了可能性。
Whether it's money, cultural differences, religion, the wish to have children (or the lack thereof), psychological problems, or physical distance: what we'd typically view as dealbreakers, we now see as hurdles to overcome.
无论是金钱、文化差异、宗教、想要孩子（或没有孩子）、心理问题还是物理距离：我们通常认为是分手的因素，现在都被视为需要克服的障碍。
Unfortunately, we tend to downplay the significance of these hurdles and underestimate the problems they could pose in a relationship, leading to trouble and heartbreak.
不幸的是，我们倾向于淡化这些障碍的重要性，低估它们可能给一段关系带来的问题，从而导致麻烦和心碎。
