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Don't let me sink, she had thought as she reached for his hand, and he had promised not to when he took it. This moment, Lydia thought. This is where it all went wrong.
别让我沉下去，她伸手去抓他的手时是这么想的，他答应过不让我沉下去的。这时，莉迪亚想。这就是问题所在。
It was not too late. There on the dock, Lydia made a new set of promises, this time to herself.
现在还不算太晚。在码头上，莉迪亚又许下了新的诺言，这次是对自己许下的。
She will begin again. She will tell her mother: enough. She will take down the posters and put away the books. If she fails physics, if she never becomes a doctor, it will be all right.
她会重新开始。她会告诉她妈妈，这足够了。她将把海报拿下来，把书放好。如果她物理不及格，如果她永远也成不了医生，那也没有关系。
She will tell her mother that. And she will tell her mother, too: it's not too late. For anything.
她会告诉她妈妈的。她也会告诉她妈妈：现在做任何事都不晚。
She will give her father back his necklace and his book. She will stop holding the silent phone to her ear; she will stop pretending to be someone she is not. From now on, she will do what she wants.
她将把项链和书还给父亲。她将不再把静音电话放在耳边；她将不再伪装自己。从现在起，她想干什么就干什么。
Feet planted firmly on nothing, Lydia—so long enthralled by the dreams of others—could not yet imagine what that might be, but suddenly the universe glittered with possibilities.
莉迪亚，长久以来一直为别人的梦想所迷惑，还无法想象那将会是什么样子，但突然之间，整个宇宙闪烁着各种可能性。
She will change everything. She will tell Jack she's sorry, that she'll never tell his secret.
她会改变一切。她会告诉杰克她很抱歉，她永远不会说出他的秘密。
If he can be brave, so sure of who he is and what he wants, perhaps she can, too. She'll tell him that she understands.
如果他能勇敢，那么肯定自己是谁以及想要什么，那么也许她也能。她会告诉他她理解。
And Nath. She will tell him that it's all right for him to leave. That she will be fine. That he's not responsible for her anymore, that he doesn't need to worry. And then she will let him go.
至于纳，她会告诉他，他可以走了。她会没事的。他不再对她负责，他不需要担心。然后她就会放他走。
And as she made this last promise, Lydia understood what to do. How to start everything over again, from the beginning, so she would never again be afraid to be alone.
当她做出最后的承诺时，莉迪亚知道该怎么做了。如何重新开始每件事，从头开始，这样她就不会再害怕孤单。
What she must do to seal her promises, to make them real. Gently she lowered herself into the rowboat and loosed the rope.
她必须做什么来保证承诺成为现实。她轻轻坐进划艇，解开了缆绳。
As she pushed away from the dock, she expected a surge of panic. It didn't come.
当她离开码头时，她预料到一阵恐慌。
Even once she had rowed, stroke by clumsy stroke, out onto the lake—far enough that the lamppost was just a dot, too small to contaminate the darkness around her—she felt strangely calm and confident.
甚至有一次，她笨拙地划着桨，划到湖上去了，远到灯柱只是一个小点，小得无法污染她周围的黑暗——她奇怪地感到平静和自信。
Above her the moon was coin-round, sharp and perfect. Beneath her the boat rocked so gently that she could hardly feel its motion.
她头顶上的月亮是圆的，明亮而完美。船在她身下轻轻摇晃，她几乎感觉不到它的移动。
Looking up at the sky, she felt as if she were floating in space, completely untethered. She could not believe that anything was impossible.
仰望天空，她觉得自己仿佛漂浮在空中，完全不受束缚。她不相信有什么是不可能的。
In the distance, the light from the dock shone like a star. If she squinted, she could just make out the dim shape of the dock itself, the pale line of boards against the darker night.
远处，码头上的灯光像星星一样闪闪发光。如果她眯起眼睛，就能勉强辨认出码头本身的模糊轮廓，以及衬着黑夜的苍白的木板线条。
When she got a little closer, she thought, she would be able to see it perfectly: the boards worn smooth by generations of bare feet, the posts that held them up just above the surface of the water. Carefully, she got to her feet, spreading her arms as the boat swayed.
她想，等她走近一点，就能看得清清楚楚了：一代代光着脚的人把木板磨得很光滑，把木板托在水面上的柱子也磨得很光滑。她小心翼翼地站起来，张开双臂，船在摇晃。
It was not so far. She could do this, she was certain. All she had to do was kick. She would kick her way to the dock and reach up to the planks and pull herself up out of the water.
不是很远。她确信她能做到这一点。她所要做的就是踢。她会踢着脚到达码头，伸手到木板上，把自己从水里拉出来。
Tomorrow morning, she would ask Nath about Harvard. What it was like there. She would ask him about the people he met, the classes he would take.
明天早上，她会问纳关于哈佛的事。那里是什么样子的。她会问他遇到的人，他要上的课。
She would tell him he'd have a wonderful time. She looked down at the lake, which in the dark looked like nothing, just blackness, a great void spreading beneath her.
她会告诉他，他会玩得很开心。她俯视着湖面，湖水在黑暗中看起来什么也没有，只是一片漆黑，巨大的虚空在她脚下蔓延。。
It will be all right, she told herself, and she stepped out of the boat into the water.
一切都会好的，她对自己说，然后她下了船，跳进了水里。
