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I understand now that Elena’s values will one day be unfathomable to me.
我现在明白，埃琳娜的价值观总有一天会让我不可捉摸。
But will I want her to perform a lie so that I can grow old inside a fantasy room?
但我会希望她表演个撒谎，好让我在幻想的房间里慢慢变老?
When I was younger, I’d roll my eyes when I saw children faking politeness or care so that they could get a treat.
当我还是小孩时，我看到孩子们为了得到款待而假装礼貌或关心时，我会翻白眼。
“Doesn’t that mother know she’s being manipulated?” I’d think.
“难道那位母亲不知道她是被人操纵的吗?”我会想。
Now when Elena puts on an act, I’m just grateful that she’s delivering the lines. The performance is a gift.
现在，当埃琳娜装模作样时，我很感激她能把台词念出来。表演是一种天赋。
I imagine my daughter at 30, performing love and devotion, suppressing a long sigh as I sniff her neck, and I think, you know what? I’ll take it.
我想象着我的女儿30岁时，我闻了闻她的脖子，她表演着爱与奉献，强压下长长的叹息，我想，你知道吗? 我会接受的。
Sometimes I pretend for Elena, too – I don’t actually care that much about unicorn politics from My Little Pony – and I remember all the times my mother has tried to mimic western-style boundaries for my sake.
有时候我也会为埃琳娜假装——其实我并不怎么在乎《小马宝莉》里的独角兽政治——我还记得母亲也为我努力模仿过西方的边界。
(It was too much to ask her to knock before entering my childhood room, or call before she visited my adulthood home, but now and then she’d toss me a ceremonial “is this a good time?”)
(太多次要求母亲在进入我童年时代的房间前敲门，太多次要求在拜访我成年后的家前打电话，但她时不时会向我抛出一个象征性的问题: “现在合适吗?”)
I judged her for navigating these American boundaries so clumsily, plodding along until something stressful caused her to stumble and her gargantuan rucksack of Iranian expectations spilled out.
我对她的评价是，她对美国的边界问题处理得太笨拙了，步履蹒跚，直到有什么压力绊倒她，她那装满伊朗人期望的巨大背包才会溢出来。
“They’ve been through so much,” my friend reminds me.
“她们经历了这么多，”我的朋友提醒我。
Be kind, she means, and remember the funny doctor who solved maths puzzles and, in another universe, could have been my friend.
她的意思是，要善良宽容，要记住那个解开数学难题的有趣博学者，在另一个宇宙，她可能是我的朋友。
Imagine her as a confused child, tiptoeing that dark minefield of a mid-century Tehrani household, slapped for uttering a mysterious new word.
想象一下，她还是个懵懂的孩子，踮着脚尖行走在本世纪中叶德黑兰一户人家的黑暗雷区，因说出一个神秘的新词而被扇耳光。
I take a deep breath and agree to the next session with the English therapist who makes us behave.
我深吸了一口气，同意下一个疗程去找那位让我们听话的英国治疗师。
Briefly, I look forward to seeing my mother’s face. I miss the good-smelling bunker.
简单讲，我期待看到我母亲的脸。我想念那个气味怡人的地堡。
I turn on Zoom, we nod hello. Then we open our mouths, speaking over each other in our foreign tongues.
我打开Zoom，我们点头问好。我们张开嘴，用我们的外语进行交谈。
