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I have friends who play the good Asian daughter at home.
我的几位朋友在家里扮演亚洲好女儿。
They morph into a flat version of themselves, deferential and sweet.
她们的形象变得扁平，恭敬、柔顺。
My mother used to perform her respect for her own mother, serving her tea, addressing her with formal pronouns.
我母亲过去常常对自己的母亲表示敬意，给她倒茶，用正式代词称呼她。
Writing has made me hyper-aware of these falsities.
写作让我对这些虚假极为敏感。
I’ve always wanted to be myself, and if someone demands theatre, I stay away.
我一直想做我自己，如果有人要求做戏，我就躲得远远的。
Do I owe my mother – a woman who has suffered many injustices – a soothing performance, even if the ritual harms me?
我是否欠我的母亲（一个遭受了许多不公正待遇的女人）一场安抚人心的表演，即使这种规矩会伤害我?
We discuss the day the word “concubine” slipped out of her mouth, and my mother asks me to consider her culture – that she can’t help it.
我们讨论“小老婆”这个词从她妈妈嘴里脱口而出的那天，我妈妈让我考虑她妈妈的文化习俗——因为她忍不住会那样说。
I’m reminded of how I defend myself when I mix up my students’ pronouns.
这让我想起我把学生的代词弄混时，我是如何为自己辩护的。
I want to say, each time I stumble, be patient with me.
我想说，每当我结结巴巴地说代词时，请对我耐心些。
I agree with you, but I have the habits of another generation. I’m trying.
我同意你的看法，但我有另一代人的习惯。我在尝试改变。
Sometimes, I remind them that in my first language, Farsi, we don’t even have gendered pronouns.
有时，我提醒他们，在我的母语波斯语中，我们甚至没有性别代词。
And that the only reason I’m fumbling is that I’ve been Americanised.
我笨嘴拙舌的唯一原因是我被美国化了。
If I were my original Iranian self, pronouns wouldn’t even be a thing.
如果我还是原来的伊朗人，代词根本就不是事儿。
My students are a mystery to me, as I am to my mother.
我的学生之于我，如同我之于我的母亲，是个谜。
We both stumble in our newly acquired dialects.
我们在说新学的方言时都讲得磕磕绊绊。
My mother asks for the benefit of the doubt.
我母亲要求我给予她信任。
Maybe I should give it to her, because I need it from my students, and because one day I’ll need it from Elena.
也许我应该给予她信任，因为我也需要从我的学生那里得到信任，因为有一天我也需要从埃琳娜(女儿)那里得到信任。
I look back, trying to be kind.
回首过去，我试着宽容些。
I recall how my mother has tended to my wounds, though she was brought up by a teenager.
我想起我母亲是如何照顾我的伤口的，尽管她是由一个十几岁的孩子抚养长大的。
She used to rub my muscles after taekwondo practice.
她过去常常在练完跆拳道后给我按摩肌肉。
She phoned me almost nightly during my divorce.
在我离婚期间，她几乎每晚都给我打电话。
Those calls comforted me because she was safely in Thailand then, a brave American Peace Corps volunteer.
这些电话让我安心，因为她当时在泰国很安全，是一名勇敢的美国和平队志愿者。
When she returned to the US, she showed up uninvited at my door with bags of tea and basmati and discount discount painkiller, the intrusive Iranian mother breaking my boundaries again.
当她回到美国时，她不请自来，出现在我家门口，包里装着一袋袋的茶、印度香米以及打折止痛药，这位爱管闲事的伊朗母亲再次打破了我的界限。
