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Previously on You Suck at Cooking.
《你的厨艺弱爆了》前情回顾。
Hey, Douglas.
嘿，道格拉斯。
Hey, John.
嘿，约翰。
They say it hurts less if you hold your breath.
据说憋着一口气就没那么疼了。
John!
约翰！
It wasn't a homicide!
不是谋杀案！
It wasn't John and Douglas in that water, I know it! They murdered two innocent eggs and made an escape.
在水里的不是约翰和道格拉斯，我知道！他们谋杀了两个无辜的鸡蛋，然后逃走了。
I believe you've been looking for me.
我想你一直在找我。
Didn't catch your name?
你叫什么？
John.
约翰。
Oh my god.
我的天啊。
Hey, step back! Don't give me flak! Sick. Come at me hard and get spatula whacked! Tight!
嘿，往后退！别吵吵闹闹！恶心。有种朝我来，把你铲子敲断！不错！
Then on your back with my verbal attack cuz I don't give a crack!Ohh, so sick!
把你打倒在地，进行言语攻击，因为我完全不在乎！哦，恶心！
Thanks, bro. OK, my turn!
谢了，老兄。好了，到我了！
Hey what's that, it's my really strong mack...
嘿，那是谁，是我超壮的老大哥……
Hey hold up, hold up. What's that?
等一下，等一下。那是谁？
Hey, f***stick! Why dontcha take a hike? Ha ha ha, sick.
嘿，混蛋！你咋不去走走？哈哈哈，恶心。
Hey Jacko! Why don't you take a, a walk down in, uh, err...go away!
嘿，混蛋！你咋不去……走开！
Dude's takin' a piss, man!
那人在撒尿，兄弟！
Hey, jackstick! Shut up, Chad.
嘿，混球！闭嘴，查德。
You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，完全弱爆了。
So today we're gonna make a scramble and we're gonna start with one of my top 56 favourite ingredients, the green onion.
今天做个炒蛋，从我最喜欢的56种食材之一开始：青洋葱。
So what you wanna do is make sure your knife is really sharp. Don't do that.
要确保你的刀非常锋利。别学我。
And just give it a little tap.
就这样轻轻敲一下。
Now one of my top 87 favourite ingredients is the sun dried tomato.
我最喜欢的87种食材之一是日晒番茄干。
Because of a tomato's water content, you need something that's 26 million degrees hot in order to dry it out properly, which is why they use the sun.
因为番茄里的水分，所以需要大约2600万度的高温让番茄完全变干，所以要用太阳来晒。
Lamp dried tomatoes are disgusting. They take forever to dry out. And moon dried tomatoes are a total rip-off, because moonlight doesn't contain moon DNA, so there's actually no way to prove they're authentic.
灯光晒干的番茄很恶心，要花超长时间才晒得干。月亮晒干的番茄完全是冒牌货，因为月光里没有月亮的DNA，所以其实没有办法证明它们是真货。
Brussels sprout, what you do at night?
小圆白菜，你晚上都干什么？
When you're in the cupboard with no light?
当你在橱柜里，没有一点光？
Are you going to meet with your friends? (Help!)
你是要去见朋友吗？（救命啊！）
Or just to see where the world ends? (Somebody! I want out, let me out!!!)
还是还是要看看哪里是世界的尽头？（有人吗？我要出去，让我出去！）
Don't even get dressed when you go out, (I can barely breathe in here!)
出门的时候衣服也不用换，（我喘不过气了！）
Cause you ain't got no doubt, brussel sprout. (I've been kidnapped! Help!)
因为你心无疑虑，小圆白菜。（我被绑架了！救命！）
Help, let me out of here! Open up this trunk! Open this up right now!
救命！让我出去！把后备箱打开！快给我打开！
Keep it down.
声音小点。
Where are we going?
我们要去哪里？
You don't need to know.
你不需要知道。
You'll never get away with this.
你逃不掉的。
Quick impression, who am I? "You'll never get away with this!"
快速反应，我是谁？“你逃不掉的！”
You have no idea who you're dealing with...
你根本不知道你抓的是谁……
So, stove is on 6 degrees, which is less hot than the sun.
烤箱温度在6档，比太阳的温度低多了。
Then what I like to do is put in a little bit of the sun dried tomato oil, then add in the tomatoes and the green onion.
然后我要倒一点日晒番茄干的油，再加入番茄干，以及青洋葱。
Now you just cook these for a couple of minutes.
然后把这些炒个几分钟。
John?
约翰？
Hi, Douglas!
嗨，道格拉斯！
How was your trip to town?
你去城里感觉怎么样？
It was interesting.
挺有意思的。
Did you get the supplies? Man, it's gonna take forever to make this place liveable.
补给品都拿了吗？老兄，把这地方改得能住人要花很长时间。
Actually I ran into a bit of a snag.
其实，我遇到了点小麻烦。
Boy am I excited to show you something!
兄弟，我超激动，给你看样东西！
Well, actually there's something really impor...
其实有一件事很重……
Are you gonna listen to me, or what?
你到底听不听我说？
Well it, it's really imp...
呃，真的很重……
Shut your dumb face for a second. You wanna know what I've been doing?
把嘴闭一会吧。想知道我都在干什么吗？
What?
什么？
I've been making you this.
我给你做了这个。
Is that...a trampoline?
那，那是……蹦床吗？
Of course it's a trampoline, dummy! I mean, you always loved gymnastics. (I always loved gymnastics.)
当然是蹦床了，傻瓜！我是说，你一直喜欢体操。（我一直喜欢体操。）
It's just a little gift to celebrate us being home free for life. Well, are you gonna take a bounce or what?
这是庆祝我们回家了，永远自由的小礼物。你要来跳一下吗？
Uhh, yeah. I- I just need to grab my trampoline boots from the car.
呃，好。我，我去拿我的蹦床靴子，就在车里。
Well, don't just stand there, I don't got all day. Haha, I mean...I'll be right back.
那就别傻站着，我可没有那么多时间。哈哈，我是说……我马上就回来。
We're ready to throw the eggs in.
可以把鸡蛋倒进去了。
I'm just gonna pour those evenly. Get an even distribution going. Gonna add in some salt, some pepper pepper pepper.
要把蛋液倒均匀一些。均匀地倒一层。加些盐，一些胡椒胡椒胡椒。
The worst thing you can do to eggs is overcook them. This is cooking pretty quick. Once that first layer goes, I try to keep it moving. Once they're cooked about halfway, I turn the stove off.
炒鸡蛋最糟的就是炒糊了。鸡蛋熟得很快。熟了一层后就要一直翻炒。熟了一半后，就要把烤箱关掉。
Because the difference in timing between cooked perfectly and overcooked is about one billionth of a second, and so your reflexes have to be really sharp.
因为熟得恰好和炒糊之间的时差只有十亿分之一秒，所以反应要非常敏捷。
You have to be able to take the pan off the stove like: that quick.
要很快把锅从炉子上拿走：像这么快。
I'm just gonna put it back. You want 'em like, just barely cooked.
我要把锅再放回去。炒得半熟就好。
What are you doing, John?
你在干什么？约翰。
I need some time to figure stuff out.
我需要点时间把事情搞清楚。
You're gonna to have to kill me, John.
你必须要把我杀掉，约翰。
What makes you think that?
你为什么这么想？
Because if you don't, I will hunt you down for the rest of your goddamn life until you're dead.
因为如果你不杀我，你下半辈子都会遭到我的追杀，直到你死。
Oh. Well, in that case...
哦，既然如此……
Just kidding! You get stressed, you say shit, you try to act tough, you take it back, you let me go, we call it even?
我开玩笑的！你换上衣服，骂我一句，表现得很强硬，然后收回你的话，再放我走，我们就扯平了，好吗？
Now when you go from the pan to the plate, you wanna make sure to flip, so that the hot side is up.
把鸡蛋从锅倒进盘子的时候，要记得翻面，这样热的一面就朝上。
And what's great about getting the Parmegius-Reggonionius on here is that you get the chicken family working together with the cow family for once in their lives.
加上帕马森·雷加诺奶酪的一个好处就是，可以让小鸡家族和小牛家族通力合作，可能是这辈子唯一一次合作。
And it's just nice to see them getting along this way instead of fighting all the time.
看到它们这样好好相处而不是一直打架真不错。
Honest to god, go make this right now. It's incredible.
向上帝发誓，快去做这道菜吧，好吃得难以置信。
Ahh, there you are! Hang on, Dennis. I'm coming.
啊，原来你在这里！坚持住，丹尼斯。我来了。
You suck at coooking, oh my god you suck.
你的厨艺弱爆了，哦我的天，弱爆了。
