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Conversations with new people can be sort of terrifying.
和陌生人交谈可能有点可怕。
I mean, they can also be awesome!
我想说，和陌生人聊天也可以是件很棒的事情！
There's always a chance you're about to learn something fascinating or add a cool new friend to your life.
你总有机会去学习一些有趣的东西，或者在生活中交一个很棒的新朋友。
But you are making a first impression.
但是你在塑造自己给人的第一印象。
And at some point, you might be left with a creeping sense of, "Did they actually like me?"
在某种程度上，你可能会有一种压力感，“他们真的喜欢我吗?”
Most of us are willing to believe that other people find us perfectly tolerable.
我们大多数人都愿意相信，别人觉得我们还过得去。
But it can be hard to tell whether they liked you enough to want to spend time with you again.
但很难说别人是否真的喜欢你，愿意再次和你在一起。
Psychologists think that we might be too hard on ourselves, though.
心理学家认为我们可能对自己太苛刻了。
Most of the time, people probably like you better after talking to you than you think they do.
大多数时候，人们可能比你想象的更喜欢你。
It's called the liking gap.
这叫做喜欢差距。
But if you know it's there… well, maybe you can chill out about first impressions and just enjoy your time with new people.
但是如果你知道有这么回事，也许你可以冷静对待第一印象，享受和新朋友在一起的时光。
Psychologists have been studying meta-accuracy, or your ability to correctly judge others' feelings about you, for a long time.
长期以来，心理学家一直在研究元准确性，即正确判断他人对你的感觉的能力。
But the study that gave the liking gap its name was published in 2018 in the journal Psychological Science.
名为“喜欢差距”的研究于2018年发表在《心理科学》杂志上，
It looked at participants' encounters with new people in five different experiments.
观察了参与者在五个不同实验中与陌生人的接触。
Some of the experiments asked undergrads to talk with new people for five minutes or for as long as they liked.
一些实验要求本科生与陌生人交谈五分钟，或者喜欢聊多久就聊多久。
In others, participants spoke with people they met at a workshop or reported on their relationships with their roommates over the course of their freshman year of college.
在另一些实验中，让参与者与在研讨会上认识的人交谈，或者说出他们在大学一年级期间与室友的关系。
The researchers found that participants consistently underestimated how much their partner liked them,
研究人员发现，参与者总是低估搭档对他们的喜爱程度，
and assumed they'd enjoyed the conversation more than their partner had, no matter how long or short the conversation.
并假设他们比搭档更享受这段对话，无论对话是长是短。
Being shy predicted an even bigger liking gap.
害羞预示着喜欢的差距更大。
And the roommates?
室友呢?
They kept experiencing the liking gap in all the check-ins throughout the academic year, except for the very last one in May.
整个学年，除了最后一个5月，他们都经历了喜欢差距。
While this could suggest you'll eventually figure out that people really do like you, the gap might have gone away because by then,
虽然这可能意味着你最终会发现人们真的喜欢你，但差距可能已经消失了，因为到那时，
they discussed how they got along and decided whether or not they wanted to live together again.
他们讨论了如何相处，并决定是否要再次生活在一起。
It's worth noting that we're not talking about social anxiety disorder here.
值得注意的是，我们这里讨论的不是社交焦虑症。
While social anxiety disorder is all about the fear of being negatively judged or rejected in social situations,
社交焦虑障碍是指，害怕在社交场合受到负面评价或排斥，
it's a much more intense anxiety that affects your day-to-day life and your ability to spend time with friends and family.
它是一种更强烈的焦虑，影响你的日常生活，影响你与朋友和家人相处的能力。
That's probably best treated by a psychiatrist or therapist.
该病最好由精神科医生或治疗师治疗。
The liking gap is a less extreme, more universal tendency to underestimate how much other people like you.
“喜欢差距”的不太极端、更普遍的倾向是低估别人有多喜欢你。
And it's actually kind of surprising that it exists, because people usually think they're great at stuff.
事实上，它的存在有点令人惊讶，因为人们通常认为自己在这方面做得很好。
Studies have repeatedly found a better-than-average effect,
研究一再发现，这种效果好于平均水平，
where people tend to think they're better than the average person at things like driving a car.
人们往往认为，他们比普通人在一些事情上，比如开车，更擅长。
Even though obviously we can't all be better than average, because, you know, math.
尽管在数学上我们可能并不比一般人优秀
But there are a number of factors that can help explain the liking gap.
但是有很多因素可以帮助解释喜欢差距。
One is the situation itself, because conversations can be stressful.
一个是情境本身，因为对话可能会产生压力。
Something as simple as wanting to present yourself well has been shown to change the way people evaluate their performance.
一些简单的事情，比如想要展示自己，已经证明可以改变人们对自己表现的评价。
Conversations are also hard. Like literally cognitively demanding.
对话也很困难。就像字面上的认知要求。
You have to listen while also mentally rehearsing that clever anecdote you're about to tell and then oh no wait the moment went by it would be weird if you told it now and then ack, what was a question?
你必须一边听，一边在心里默念你要讲的那个巧妙的轶事，然后，哦，不，等等，如果你现在讲出来会很奇怪，随后又确认问题是什么?
Which means that we often aren't paying attention to the subtle cues other people are giving us.
这意味着我们通常注意不到别人给我们的微妙暗示。
But even if you are, researchers have suggested that people might not provide enough useful feedback for you to come to the conclusion that they like you, either out of politeness or out of a fear of being rejected themselves.
但即使你是，研究人员认为，人们可能不会提供足够有用的反馈，让你觉得他们喜欢你，要么出于礼貌要么害怕被拒绝，
For instance, one 1972 study of nearly 200 undergraduates found that people tend to hold back both positive and negative evaluations of others,
例如，1972年一项针对近200名大学生的研究发现，人们往往对他人的正面和负面评价都有所保留，
especially when they're not very close to the person they're making judgments about.
尤其是当他们和被评价的人不是很亲近的时候。
So given that conversations are messy and confusing,
鉴于对话混乱，令人困惑，
we often base our estimates of how much other people like us on the best set of data we have: our own views of ourselves.
我们经常根据持有的最好的一组数据来估计别人有多喜欢我们：我们对自己的看法。
Which can be… misguided.
这可能会被误导。
Psychologists have suggested that you guess what other people are thinking of you by taking baby steps away from your own point of view until you reach something that seems plausible.
心理学家建议，你可以从自己的角度出发，一步一步地猜测别人对你的看法，直到发现一些看似合理的东西。
But, of course, we're super biased about what's plausible.
但是，当然，我们对什么是合理的有很大的偏见。
For one thing, you might not be taking into account the fact that people you've never met tend to assume that you conform to social norms.
首先，你可能没有考虑到一个事实，即你从未见过的人往往会认为你遵守社会规范。
They expect you to be kind, because most people are kind to strangers and don't start yelling at them with no provocation.
他们觉得你是友善的，因为大多数人对陌生人都很友善，不会无缘无故对他人大吼大叫。
This isn't the Sims.
这不是模拟人生。
But also, researchers have found that social situations make people focus much more on their own failings.
但是，研究还发现，社交环境让人们更加关注自己的缺点。
Which makes evolutionary sense: it's good to learn from your social mistakes so that you don't get kicked off the island.
这在进化上是有道理的：从社交错误中学习是件好事，这样你就不会被踢出你所生活的环境。
You also have a lot of previous experiences to compare yourself against,
你也有很多之前的经验来比较，
so you might notice that your performance in this conversation is considerably less great than all the other conversations you've ever had.
所以你可能会注意到你在这段对话中的表现远远不如你在其他对话中的表现。
That badly delivered punchline sticks out like a sore thumb to you.
那句蹩脚的妙语对你来说就像疼的大拇指一样。
In other words: We judge ourselves too harshly, and then assume other people are making judgments similar to ours.
换句话说：我们对自己的判断过于苛刻，然后假设其他人也做出与我们相似的判断。
Resulting in… a liking gap.
这就产生了喜欢差距。
This isn't something you can just change about your brain overnight.
这不是你一夜之间就能改变的事情。
But just knowing that the liking gap exists can be kind of comforting.
但是仅仅知道喜欢差距的存在就能让人感到安慰。
Because the people you meet probably like you more than you think they do, and that's honestly kind of awesome news.
因为你遇到的人可能比你想象的更喜欢你，这真是个好消息。
Thanks for watching this episode of SciShow Psych!
感谢收看本期心理科学秀！
I'll just tell you straight up and leave the guesswork out of it:
我直接告诉你，不要瞎猜：
If you're a fan of free resources for science education, we like you a lot.
如果你喜欢免费的科学教育资源，我们很喜欢你。
And hey, we have something in common!
嘿，我们有共同点!
You also might be interested in joining our community over on Patreon, whose support is what allowed us to create this channel in the first place.
您也可能有兴趣加入我们在Patreon上的社区，正是Patreon的支持使我们能够创建这个第一通道。
Just go to patreon.com/scishow to check it out!
去patreon.com/scishow看看吧!
