评论
打印
I know those things that happened to you growing up.
我知道你从小到大的糗事。
I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart, talented or powerful enough.
我知道你也清楚自己不够漂亮，或者不够聪明或者不够有才或者不够强壮。
I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO.
我知道即使你当上了CFO你爸爸也从来没在意过。
Shame is that thing. And if we can quiet it down and walk in and say, "I'm going to do this,"
羞耻就是这样。而如果我们能平静下来，走进去对自己说：“我要做这件事，”
we look up and the critic that we see pointing and laughing, 99 percent of the time is who?
我们抬起头，看到那些指指点点嘲笑的人，99%的时候是谁？
Us. Shame drives two big tapes -- "never good enough" -- and, if you can talk it out of that one, "who do you think you are?"
是我们自己。羞耻始终播放着这样两句话 -- “永远不够好”然后，如果你能跨过这一层，“你以为你是谁啊？”
The thing to understand about shame is, it's not guilt.
需要理解的是羞耻不是内疚。
Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior.
羞耻专注于自身，内疚专注于行为。
Shame is "I am bad." Guilt is "I did something bad."
羞耻是“我很糟”，内疚是“我做了很糟的事。”
How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake?"
在座的有多少人，如果你们做了一些伤害我的事，会愿意说：“对不起，我犯了个错误？”
How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I'm sorry. I am a mistake.
有多少人会愿意这么说？内疚：对不起，我犯了个错误。羞耻：对不起，我就是个错误。
There's a huge difference between shame and guilt.
羞耻和内疚之间有巨大的差别。
And here's what you need to know.
大家需要知道这些。
Shame is highly, highly correlated with addiction, depression, violence, aggression, bullying, suicide, eating disorders.
羞耻是和下面这些行为高度相关的：吸毒，抑郁，暴力，侵略，欺凌，自杀，饮食失调。
And here's what you even need to know more. Guilt, inversely correlated with those things.
而更需要知道的是，内疚，则是恰恰相反。
The ability to hold something we've done or failed to do up against who we want to be is incredibly adaptive.
用我们已经做过或做错的事 来拷问理想的自己，这种程度是可以非常灵活的。
It's uncomfortable, but it's adaptive.
它不舒服，但是是可以调节的。
