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Often I hear, “I don’t want to be around that person because I don’t trust them anymore.”
我经常听到“我再也不相信那个人了 只想离他远点”
And so my question to them—and I’ve seen this at the very top of some of the largest companies, globally—is: what caused that trust to break down?
我会问他们—我在全球各大公司的高层领导那儿都见过这种现象—是什么让你不再相信他呢？
And we each interpret even that word “trust” differently.
我们每个人对“信任”这个词的理解都不尽相同
And so you have to break it down into behaviors.
所以你得把它转变成行为
So when you’re trying to reconnect with someone, it means going back to what initially caused that break to happen and question your bias on many levels,
所以当你试图跟某人重新联系时 就意味着要找到导致信任破裂的最初原因 在各个层面问一下你的偏见
including how you envision the break down in trust to happen.
包括你觉得信任会如何破裂
And I think it’s the word “respect”—actually the root of it—means the ability to see one as if for the first time again.
我觉得关键是“尊敬”这个词—其实是这个词的根源—即把某人视为初见时的那个人的能力
And I think we have to all challenge ourselves to know that because someone was difficult in one situation or even multiple situations it doesn’t mean they’re going to be difficult forever.
我觉得所有人都应该自我挑战 了解这一点 因为某些人在某种情况或多种情况下很难相处 并不代表他们永远都浑身是刺
That we’re constantly working on this ability that we all have, and this necessity we all have to connect, and maybe there’s multitudes of other things going on,
我们一直在修炼自己拥有的这种能力 与别人产生联系的必要性 或许同时还有很多其他事情也在发生着
but to constantly come back to that place of, “Okay, what do I need right now, here in this moment, to build connection with this person?”
但是时不时要回到那种状态“好 此时此刻 我需要做些什么 来跟这个人建立联系？”
That’s such good advice. I would add: forgiveness is powerful.
这个建议很好 我想补充一点：原谅的力量无穷大
I’d say second and third and fourth chances, and I agree with you that people change.
我想说要给别人第二次 第三次 第四次机会 我同意人是会变的
So how somebody was in a particular context or situation might not have been their best self.
为什么有些人在某种情况下并不是最完美的自己呢
There may have been intervening circumstances.
当时可能是特殊情况
So I don’t think we can—can we ever really say that “someone is this way with me and I know that it’s a fact”?
我觉得我们不能——我们能说“某个人跟我在一起的时候是这样的 这就是个一成不变的事实？”
I’ve really learned that there’s no door that’s ever really closed— unless I think it is, and sometimes I’m wrong.
我真的意识到没有一扇门是真正关闭的——除非我自己非要这么想 而有时候是我错了
Many times I’m wrong about that.
很多次都是我想错了
So I do really challenge myself to look at every situation and person a new as often as I can.
所以只要可以 我就会挑战自己 以全新的视野去看待某种情况和某个人
And sometimes that includes forgiveness, it includes the acknowledgement that maybe your opinion about what happened is a subjective one, and may not be the reality.
有时候这里面会包含原谅 它包括你得承认有时候自己的某种看法太过主观 事实并不是你想的那样
Yes, and it comes back to, always: the more certain we are, the more stuck we will remain.
对 最终的结果就是：我们越确信某件事 就越会卡在里面出不来
So if I am certain a person is a certain way, shows up a certain thing, that creates this, you know—it creates certainty.
如果我坚信某个人就是某种样子 呈现出的是某种状态 它就会导致——确定性
So again, it’s shifting from certainty to discovery.
所以还是要把确定转换为发现
And I’m not saying this is easy. It’s difficult.
这并非易事 很困难
I’ve been in some of the literally toughest conversations with people where someone is so—what we literally would say is absolutely closed-minded.
我曾经有过几次最艰难的对话 谈话对方是我们所谓的思想绝对保守的那种人
Like it doesn’t matter what I say or do, they are of that opinion.
不管我说什么做什么 他们都固执己见
They are so certain. In that moment you do need to ask yourself: How do I want to leave this conversation?
他们非常确定 那时候你需要问问自己：我想怎么结束这次对话？
I know I have enough self-respect and respect for the work of diversity and inclusion that I want to leave this person with,
我知道我足够尊重自己 也尊重工作的多样性和包容性 我想在结束的时候跟这种人说
‘I hear where you are coming from and I hope one day you will be able to listen to where I’m coming from.
“我听你讲述了自己的来历 希望有一天你也能听听我的故事”
You know, so it’s always that question: how do you want to leave that conversation, with that sense of self-respect?
所以还是那个问题：你想要怎么带有自尊地结束这场对话？
That's ultimately what is so important. You can’t change people in that moment.
那才是最重要的一点 在那种时候 你根本改变不了别人
But you can respect yourself and you can at least have them have the experience of being respected.
但是你可以尊重自己 也至少能让他们拥有被人尊重的体验
They may not be able to show the same to you, but we have to be willing to be okay that we don’t agree,
他们不一定也能礼尚往来 但我们一定要能接受和他们意见相左的事实
but it doesn’t mean we disrespect one another or have to disconnect.
但这并不意味着我们要对他人不敬或断绝联系
Because until we can bridge and find these places where we can connect,
因为在我们能够产生联系并找到意见相同的领域之前
where our differences lie will eventually hopefully be the places we can bridge.
我们意见相左的地方很可能就是我们可以产生共鸣的地方
Not right out the door; we may have to connect on other things first.
并不一定就能立竿见影；我们可能得先在其他事情上找到共同观点
The name of my company is Professional Thinking Partners and that is a very specific way in which we can all start bridging diversity,
我公司的名字叫做“专业思想伙伴” 这就是我们开启连接多样性的契机
is invite thinking partners into your life who are as different from you as you can possibly imagine. Call them.
就是让思想伙伴介入你的生活 他们的思想与你大相径庭 联系他们
Ask them: “Here’s a problem I’m facing. How would you approach it?”
问一问他们：“我有个棘手的问题 如果是你会怎么处理？”
You know, we talked earlier about mentorship and sponsorship; I love creating thinking partnerships with the people who are the most different than me because that perspective,
我们之前说过导师和赞助；我喜欢跟和我想法完全不一样的人建立思想伙伴关系 我喜欢他们的另类角度
you know—that’s a way that we can also start to build these bridges. Thank you so much. Fascinating.
也正是这样 我们才可以建立连接 非常感谢您 好极了
