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You guys, this weekend was St. Patrick's Day, and, of course, there was a big parade here in New York,
本周末是圣帕特里克节，纽约会举行盛大游行，
and a lot of men were wearing kilts. It made the manspreading on the subway even worse than normal. Whoa!
许多男人身着苏格兰短裙，“爷们儿摊”现象在地铁将更为常见，哦哦。
Although in Washington, the White House celebrated by dyeing the fountain on the South Lawn green,
还是华盛顿，白宫为了庆祝这一节日将南草坪染成了绿色，
which backfired when the President yelled Mountain Dew! And dove right in. Nom nom nom! Om nom nom nom.
但小特总统却喊出激浪饮料，快喝快喝，嗯嗯呢。
Did you see, did you see this? He's really a fan of Mountain Dew. Do the Dew!
你们听说了吗？他真是激浪迷啊，水珠飞溅！
Did you see this, a meteorologist in Oklahoma City tried to do an Irish jig. Did you see this?
你们听说了吗，俄克拉何马城一名气象学家跳爱尔兰吉格舞，你们看了吗？
For St. Patrick's Day? When her co-anchor decided to join in. Watch this.
为了庆祝圣帕特里克节，另外一名气象学家决定加入，来看看。
Here she comes. Yep. Hey, Oh, oh, oh. That's a good fall. Wow!
她来了，来了哦哦，摔得真狠啊，哦哦。
Today's high is 45 and the low is...my co-anchor. Hey, Steven! My back! My back!
今天温度为45华氏摄氏度，最低温度是...我的搭档，史蒂芬！我的老腰，老腰！
I can't feel my legs! What was he, I don't know what he was doing. Oh, my God！
我的腿没知觉了，我不知道他在干嘛，老天！
Let's get to some news here. It just came out, you guys, that Trump's Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, was on the toilet
来看看其他新闻，就在刚刚朋友们，小特的国务卿雷克斯·蒂勒森正在上厕所，
when he found out Trump fired him on Twitter.
他就是在那时发现小特在“推特”上把他解雇了。
Then Trump said...Well, what a coincidence. I was on the toilet when I tweeted that.
小特却说太巧了，我也是在上厕所时发的“推特”。
So basically, we talked to each other. That's right. Tillerson was on the toilet when he was fired,
我们可以算作是在对聊，没错，蒂勒森是在上厕所时遭到解雇的，
which explains why Jeff Sessions and Betsy DeVos haven't used the bathroom in six months. They're like, Unh-unh. No way, man.
这也解释了为什么杰夫·塞申斯和贝慈·德沃斯六个月都没上厕所，不可能。
Unh-unh, I'm not gonna, hold it in, hold it in.
我不会的，我要憋住，憋住。
Oh, and the Russian presidential election was this weekend. And I saw that yeah, Putin won.
本周末俄罗斯大选即将展开，普京赢了。
To get people to vote, Russian officials were offering prizes like Apple watches.
为了让大家参加选举，俄罗斯官方为人们准备了苹果手表作为奖品。
Sounds fun until you open the box with your Apple watch and it's still attached to a hand.
听上去不错，但当你打开包裹的那一刻，看到的却是一只手表，和一个还戴着手表的手。
And you go, oh, this is still works. Still has a pulse. Yeah. That's interesting, yeah.
还可以用，还有脉搏，有趣啊。
The big story still is March Madness. Right now...
今天最大的新闻还是“疯狂三月”。
The tournament has been crazy so far. The other night, a 16th seed beat a number 1 seed for the first time ever,
锦标赛现在进入白热化，16号种子首次击败了1号种子，
when UMBC beat Virginia. Ow! That's right.
那就是马里兰大学击败了弗吉尼亚，老天，没错。
It's pretty nuts. Until last weekend, everyone thought UMBC was a bank. And you...oh.
现在的比赛相当激烈，截止到上周末，人们都认为马里兰大学太酷了，哦哦。
Some more sports news, golfer Rory McIlroy says there should be a limit to how much alcohol fans can buy at events,
还是体育新闻，高尔球手罗里·麦克罗伊称应该对球迷带进场地的酒精数量进行限制，
because they're getting too rowdy. Also, he's tired of hearing drunk people try to say Rory McIlroy.
因为球迷太疯狂了，第二个原因是他听烦了醉汉对他说罗里·马可萝莉。
Rory McIlroy. Rory McIlroy. Like Tom Brokaw, yeah. Rory McIlroy. Rory McIlroy, Rory, R-R-R-Rory McIlroy.
罗里·马可萝莉，罗里·马可萝莉，有点像汤姆·布罗考，没错，罗里，罗里·马可萝莉。
Get this, guys. Engineers have crafted a futuristic jetpack that lets you fly up to 10,000 feet in the air.
听听这个，工程师设计了一个未来式飞行背包，飞行高度可达一万英尺。
It even has a cool name. It's called You Try It First. Yeah. Kind of an odd thing.
它还有个好听的名字，叫作“你先来”，有点奇怪对吗。
And finally, I read about a man in Ohio who just ended his streak of eating Chipotle for 500 straight days.
最后，听说俄亥俄州一男子连续500天吃“Chipotle”快餐。
When asked why he decided to stop, his family said, oh, he died.
当问及为什么停止时，他的家人说他去世了。
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots, everybody!
今晚的节目很精彩，掌声送给紫金合唱团。
