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Winning or Losing an Argument
一场争论的输赢
Have you ever had an argument with someone important to you? Did you win or lose? Do you love the feeling when the opposing argument gets shut down, and your opponent conforms to your opinion? Is that your ultimate goal? What about how your opponent feels? Do you care?
你有和别人进行过对你很重要的争论吗？你赢了还是输了？你喜欢那种让对方无话可说屈从于你的观点的感觉吗？这是你的最终目标吗？你在乎对方的感受吗？
I’m like many teenagers. Because I have strong (and often contrary) opinions, I’ve had my share of arguments; I’ve won some and lost some.
像许多青少年一样，我的观点很强劲（也经常反对别人），所以在争论时我会有自己的一席之地。因为这个也有得有失。
I used to not hesitate to argue. I would jump into disagreements like they were a cold pool on a summer day. I was blind to the fact that nothing good was coming from these arguments. I wasn’t changing their views. In fact, it normally made my opponents feel stronger about their own opinions, and it would cause annoyance and anger. So I began to ask myself: How can I avoid tension and successfully get my point across?
我以前热衷于和别人争论，反对别人观点的感觉对我来说就像是在夏天跳入泳池那样爽。我之前对这些争论带来的敝处一无所知。我压根没有改变对方的想法。实际上，这还会让对方更加坚信他们自己的观点，而且会惹恼对方。所以我开始反问自己：如何不通过争论来表达清楚自己的观点？
Five Solutions
5种解决方案
Here are four things I now think about when I find myself about to enter a disagreement that could end up in a heated argument.
现在每当我想通过激烈的争论来表达异议时，就会想起下面4个问题。
1.Is it Important to Me?
1.对我重要吗？
Before saying anything to the other person, ask yourself: Is it worth it? What will be the benefit if I win? What will be the downside if I lose?
说话前问问自己：这值得吗？输赢对我分别有哪些利害？
When I would enter an argument too quickly, I would end up not having a strong opinion or supportive facts or being unwilling to listen to my opponent, and it would start unnecessary conflict.
每次我急于与人争论时，结果往往不是我能提出有分量的观点或支撑观点的事实，而是往往以不愿听对方的观点告终，从而就会引发不必要的冲突。
In one of my favorite books, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (I have to admit that my dad paid me to read it.) Dale Carnegie said: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” This is true, but often ignored because it takes more character to be silent than to speak one’s mind.
戴尔·卡内基的《如何赢得友谊和影响别人》是我最爱的书之一（我得承认这是我爸爸为我买的）。卡内基在书中说道：“让争论得到最好结果的唯一办法就是避免争论。”这一事实却常被忽略，因为只有性格更好的人才能做到沉默而不是表达自己的观点。
2.Have a Discussion, Not an Argument
2.讨论而不要争论
Arguments are commonly controlled by emotion, while discussions are more about understanding. It’s important not to enter a disagreement when emotionally compromised. When controlled by your emotions, you are more likely to say hurtful things, yell, and ultimately prevent the discussion from going anywhere. If you feel you are on the verge of an outburst, take a breather, and only return when you feel you are ready to approach the situation rationally.
争论往往受到情绪的支配，而讨论却更多是以理解为基础。在情绪失控时千万不要发表否定意见，因为当你被情绪摆布时，你更可能出口伤人，大喊大叫，最终导致讨论的中断。如果你感觉自己将要爆发，深呼吸，然后当你感觉你可以理性处理的时候在发言。
