I couldn't speak.
我说不出话来。
"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.
“我做足了准备,去狩猎,喝得甚至比必要的还要多,然后再去见你。我确信我足够坚强,可以像对待任何别的人类一样对待你。我对此很是自负。
"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He frowned at the memory.
毫无疑问,情况很复杂,因为我没办法简单地通过读你的想法来知道你对我的反应。我很不习惯,却又不得不采取如此迂回的措施,从杰西卡的脑子里听你说的话……她脑子里的并非原话,将就着去听实在是件恼人的事。而且我不知道你说的是否真的是字面上的意思。这一切都格外让人气愤。”想起这些,他不由得皱起了眉头。
"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…
“我想让你忘记我第一天时的举动,如果可能的话,所以我试着和你说话,像我和任何人所做的那样。我确实是渴望心切,想要破译你的一些念头。但你太有趣了,我发现自己被你的表情迷住了……而且你时不时会用你的手或者你的头发扰动空气,那股香味又一次刺痛了我……
"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"
当然,然后你差点就要在我眼前被撞死。事后我想出了一个极好的借口,解释那时候我为什么会那样做——因为如果我不去救你的话,你的血就会在我面前喷溅出来,我不认为我能阻止自己暴露我们的身份。但我只是事后才想到这个借口的。那一刻,我所能想到的只是,‘不该是她’。”
He closed his eyes, lost in his agonized confession. I listened, more eager than rational. Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life.
他闭上眼睛,沉浸在自己痛苦的自白中。我聆听着,渴望得有些不合常理。常识告诉我,我应该感到恐惧。但相反地,我很宽慰,因为我最终知晓了一切。而且,我对他所遭受的折磨充满了怜悯,即使是在现在,即使这时他正坦白着他渴望夺走我的生命。
《暮光之城》
与图书题目相得益彰的是,“暮光之城”系列别具匠心的封面设计则很好地传达出了每本书内在的深远寓意。斯蒂芬妮·梅尔指出《暮色》封面上的苹果代表“创世纪” 内善恶树上的禁果。象征贝拉和爱德华之间人类与吸血鬼禁忌的爱恋。在书的开头引用了“创世纪”217页的内容:“只是分别善恶树上的果子,你不可吃,因为你吃的日子必定死。”这同时也代表了贝拉如何分辨善恶——选择是否吃下那颗禁忌的果实,这比喻了选择跟爱德华在一起或远离他。