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Hey kids. Had a bad day? Well, could be worse.
嘿，小孩。今天挺烦的？你这还不算最糟的。
You could be living in a world without modern anesthetic.
最糟的是生活在没有现代麻醉剂的世界里。
Today we'll be talking about some surgical procedures carried out long before the development of medicine as we know it today.
今天我们要聊的是在现代医学出现之前进行的一些手术步骤。
Now once you go back a certain distance, the line between operation and mutilation is pretty thin.
一旦你把时间往回倒一些，手术和残害人体之间的界限就会变得非常模糊。
So for our purposes, surgery refers to "any bodily manipulation carried out with the intent of fixing some injury or illness."
为了方便我们理解，手术是指“任何旨在修复损伤或疾病的身体上的操作”。
And away we go.
咱们开始讲吧。
The very first surgery the way of historical evidence for dates as far back as 6500 BC.
有历史证据的最早的外科手术可追溯到公元前6500年。
It's called Trepanning, which is a nice word for carving someone's freaking skull open using nothing but a rock.
叫做颅骨穿孔术，这个词挺好听的，指的是把人的天灵盖凿开，而且用的是石头。
Maybe a rock on a stick if you were lucky.
幸运一点的话，可能石头上绑根小棍。
In all seriousness though, you can see that a good deal of care went into the procedure, which lets us know that this isn't just the result of random injury.
不过，说真的，你可以看到手术做得很用心，这让我们知道这些洞不是意外受伤的结果。
Many skulls even showed signs of healing around the holes, meaning plenty of the people who underwent this whole thing just got up and went about their day afterwards.
在洞的周围，许多头骨甚至有愈合的迹象，这意味着许多做了这种手术的人还能站起来，继续正常生活。
"All right, hold on." you say.
"等一下，"你说，
"This all sounds batshit, er, guano insane.
"这听起来像是辣鸡，呃，听起来很疯狂。
No way this was that common of an occurrence."
这种事肯定不可能那么常见。"
Well friend, if you've been watching this channel long enough, you should know that if you give human beings the benefit of the doubt, chances are they'll prove you wrong.
我的朋友，如果你是这个栏目的老粉，你应该知道，如果你假定人类在说实话，那么很有可能他们会证明你想错了。
In fact so far over 1,500 Japan skulls have been dug up all across the globe, from Europe to China and even the Americas.
事实上，到目前为止，全球各地已经出土了超过1500个镂空头骨，从欧洲到中国，甚至美洲都有。
This means that between five and ten percent of all skulls that we found from the Neolithic period have had at least one man-made hole scraped into them.
这意味着，从新石器时代发现的所有头骨中，有5%到10%的头骨至少有一个人为凿出的洞。
To put it this way, based on that data,
这么说吧，根据这些数据，
there's a greater probability of someone born in the late Stone Age having their brain matter exposed by some shaman with a chunk of flint
在石器时代晚期出生的人被萨满巫师拿石头给脑袋开瓢的概率
than someone born in the USA being a redhead.
比出生在美国的人是红头发的概率还要大。
To this day nobody really knows why this was such a common practice,
直到现在，没有人知道为什么这种做法这么常见，
but most theories tend to revolve around the idea of releasing some kind of dark supernatural force from the patient.
但大多数理论倾向于认为，这与把病人身上的某种黑暗超自然力量释放出来有关。
Man, I'm getting real sick of all these evil entities infecting our minds and bodies.
兄弟，我真的受够了这种邪恶东西附身我们的思想和身体的想法。
You can say that again, I tell you I need these demons like I need a hole in the head.
可不是，我告诉你，我倒需要这些恶魔附身，就像我需要头上有个洞一样。
No way.
别动手。
Fast forward the 600 BC.
快进到公元前600年。
Over in India there lived a guy called Maharshi Sushruta.
在印度，有一个叫妙闻仙人的人。
Now this guy was a medical mastermind.
这老兄是个医学奇才。
He wrote a treatise known as Sushruta Samhita,
他写了一篇论文，名为《妙闻本集》，
which described countless different conditions, treatments, and, yes, even surgeries.
其中描述了无数各种各样的病症、治疗方法，是的，甚至还有手术。
One of which is the first recorded instance of rhinoplasty.
其中一个手术是有记录的第一个隆鼻手术实例。
That means nose job.
意思就是给鼻子做手术。
A hornbill is a type of bird.
犀鸟是一种鸟。（注：rhino是犀牛，但rhinoplasty是隆鼻。）
I'm here too.
还有我。（注：emu是鸸鹋，名字也很奇怪。）
Anyway, here's how it's done according to Sushruta.
总之，根据妙闻仙人，手术是这样做的。
First, you get plastered obviously.
第一步，你肯定要喝得不省人事。
Second, you use a leaf to measure out the part of the nose you want fixed.
第二步，用一片叶子来测量你想要修复的鼻子部分的长度。
Then you use the leaf to cut off a flap of skin from the cheek or forehead of the patient.
然后比着叶子，从病人的脸颊或额头上割下这么大的一块皮。
This part is important, though.
这一步很重要。
You got to remember to leave a little piece of it still attached.
你得记住，要留一点皮和脸连着。
Otherwise you just got a chunk of dirty dead face meat on your hands.
否则你手上就只有一块脏兮兮的死肉。
Now wherever you're looking to stick the new flesh on, you rub that part raw with a knife.
不管你想把这块皮肉贴在哪里，你都要用刀把鼻子上的那部分戳烂。
Also you're gonna want to stick two plant stalks in their nostrils, so the nose keeps its proper shape.
另外，要在鼻孔里插上两根植物的茎，这样鼻子才能保持适当的形状（不塌掉）。
Slap the skin on,
把那块皮肉盖上去，
suture it,
缝合，
dust it with liquorice powder for some reason,
出于某种原因撒上甘草粉，
and cover it with cotton.
然后盖上棉花。
Sesame oil should be regularly applied until the skin is fully healed.
定期涂抹芝麻油，直到皮肤完全愈合。
If you're like me, already do that by default, so it shouldn't be an issue.
如果你像我一样，已经默认抹芝麻油了，那么这一步应该不是问题。
Finally, at long last, your sniffer is reborn.
最后，终于，你有了一个新鼻子。
Don't worry, you still look like a freak, just slightly less so.
别担心，你看起来还是像个丑八怪，只是比手术前稍微好一点而已。
Moving on, our next surgery took place in 10th century Spain
接下来，下一个手术发生在10世纪的西班牙，
on Sancho the 1st of Leon, otherwise known as Sancho the Fat.
对象是莱昂的桑乔一世，也被称为胖子桑乔。
Now normally back in the day, having some meat on your bones was a sign of wealth and power and all that.
在过去，身上有一些肉通常是财富、权力之类的标志。
But this guy was like TLC documentary tier, to the point where he could hardly function as a human being.
但是这家伙就像TLC纪录片里的那种人，到了几乎不能正常生活的地步。
So his constituents said: "Greetings, Your Thickness.
所以他的臣民说："给胖子陛下请安。
Yeah, you can't be king anymore
是的，您不能再当国王了，
on account of you keep breaking every horse we give you, and nobody wants to wash between your accordion-like neck-folds no more."
因为您总是压死我们给您的每匹马，而且没人愿意再帮您清洗您那像手风琴一样的脖子千层褶了。"
After his adipose got him deposed, Sancho decided to seek medical help for his condition.
在他的脂肪让他被罢黜后，桑乔决定为自己的病情寻求医疗帮助。
Under the oversight of well reputed physician Hasdai Ibn Shaprut, which is an anagram for "ha, paintbrush aids.
负责人是著名医生哈斯代·伊本·沙普鲁特，把字母打乱，刚好就是“哈，画笔助手”。（注：画笔助手是博主的粉丝群。）
Now if there's one thing that medieval man understood, its practicality.
如果说中世纪的人理解一件事，那就是实用性。
Lap-band, gastric bypass, belly balloon, these all exist to help people who don't have the self-control to stop eating so much on their own.
束胃带、胃旁路手术、胃气球，这些都是为了帮助那些没有自控能力、无法自行停止过度进食的人而存在的。
But Dr. Shaprut didn't believe in beating around the bush.
但是沙普鲁特医生不相信这些拐弯抹角的技术。
He said: well, why don't we just stop the patient from shoving food into his own greasy mall in the first place?
他说：嗯，为什么不首先阻止病人把食物塞进自己油腻的嘴里呢？
and decided to just up and stitch the dudes lips together.
然后决定直接把这家伙的嘴唇缝起来。
After the operation the only nutrients that Sancho received came through a straw,
手术后，桑乔唯一的营养来源是通过一根吸管，
in the form of a mixture known as Theriaca, which was a complex blend of several herbs, fruits, and seeds, including opium.
摄入的是一种叫"底野迦"的混合物，由几种草药、水果和种子混合而成，其中还有鸦片。
It was basically the closest thing you could find a Lean at the time.
它基本上是当时你能找到的最接近减肥药的东西。（注：Lean是减肥药品牌。）
And lean he became, losing around half his weight before ascending to the throne once more.
而且他确实变瘦了，在再次登上王位之前，体重减轻了大约一半。
So this is the part of the video where I pander to the desires of the audience.
接下来的视频我在迎合观众的愿望。
If there's one thing I know you internet people can't get enough of, its things going inside people's eyeballs.
如果我知道有什么东西是你们这些上网的人永远看不够的，那就是进入人们眼球里的东西。
Let's talk about cataract surgery.
让我们来谈谈白内障手术。
The art of dealing with people's clouded lenses has been around for millennia, believe it or not.
信不信由你，治疗人类晶状体模糊的艺术已经存在了数千年。
That Sushruta guy from earlier actually talked about the most common procedure for cataracts from most of civilized history,
前面那个叫妙闻的人实际上谈到了文明史上最常见的白内障手术，
which is known as the Couching method.
叫做“金针拔障术”。
Couching is done by taking a sharp object like a needle or a thorn,
这个手术是这样进行的：用一根锋利的针或刺，
and ever so gently stabbing their eye hole at weird angles until the lens moves out of the way.
轻轻地、从一种奇怪的角度刺进眼窝，直到晶状体移开。
No lasers, no sedatives, no paralytics,
没有激光，没有镇静剂，没有麻醉剂，
just a rusty old pin and some elbow grease the way God intended.
只有一根生锈的老针和上帝赐予的蛮力。
The majority of the time this operation didn't work,
大多数时候，这种手术都不起作用，
usually just damaging the already blind eye irreparably.
通常只会对已经失明的眼睛造成不可挽回的损害。
Shocker, right?
震惊吧？
And even if it did go as planned, you still, you know, didn't have a lens in your eye.
而且就算一切按计划进行，你还是，你懂的，眼睛里没有了晶状体。
So you essentially went from "I can't tell if I'm dead or not" to "aha yes, it is quite yellow out today."
所以你基本上是从“我不知道我死没死”变成了“啊哈，是的，今天外面很黄啊”。
By God, something moved somewhere.
天哪，有什么东西在什么地方跑过去了。
A slightly more refined version of this operation is the Suction Method,
比这种手术稍微精细一些的版本是抽吸法，
which dates back to at least the 10th century AD, if not older.
至少可以追溯到公元10世纪，如果不是更古老的话。
This procedure is described as requiring, quote:
这个手术过程需要，引用原文：
a large incision in the eye, a hollow needle, and an assistant with an extraordinary lung capacity.
在眼睛上开一个大口子， 一根空心针， 以及一个肺活量特别大的助手。
Though this reads like the setup to the world's most horrifying party trick,
虽然这听起来像是给世界上最恐怖的派对准备的道具，
it's actually the bare minimum number of tools needed to completely extract the lens from the eye.
但实际上这是从眼睛中完全取出晶状体所需的最少工具。
In case you didn't pick up on how, here's a diagram.
以防你没搞清楚怎么做，这里有个图。
This method generally saw a greater success rate and fewer complications than its non-extracting counterpart.
这种方法通常比不取走晶状体的方法成功率更高，并发症更少。
So hopefully you can sleep well tonight, knowing that the number of human beings who have sucked a piece of somebody's living eyeball through a straw is above zero.
所以希望你今晚能睡个好觉，知道用吸管吸出别人的活眼球的人是存在的。
Anywho, let's all just be thankful that we live in an era where procedures like these are a thing of the past.
不管怎样，让我们都心存感激吧，因为在我们生活的时代，这种手术已经是过去的事了。
Now remember kids, even though the surgeries I described here do sound pretty easy to pull off, please don't try them at home.
请记住，小孩，虽然我在这里描述的手术听起来很容易操作，但请不要在家里尝试。
