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It goes way beyond the "do you want to have kids?" conversation.
这些问题不仅仅是“你想不想要孩子”之类的对话。
1) What makes you feel loved?
1）是什么让你感到被爱？
It's a common mistake couples make: assuming that the way you show love to your partner is the same way he does. While everyone tends to fall into a category known as the "five love languages" — physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts — it's not very common for two people in a relationship to have the same one as their top language.
情侣们经常犯这样的错误：认为你向另一半展示爱的方式和他一样。虽然每个人往往都有“五种爱情语言”——身体接触、优质时间、肯定的言语、服务的行为和接收礼物——但处于恋爱关系中的恋人往往对这五种类别的优先顺序有不一样的偏好。
That's why dateologist Tracey Steinberg, author of Flirt for Fun & Meet the One, says it's important to clear the air. "Often what makes one person feel loved is very different from someone else. Understanding what works for both of you will help you keep your connection strong and avoid bigger problems later on," she says.
约会专家特雷西·斯坦伯格是《调情和遇到唯一》（Flirt for Fun & Meet the One）一书的作者，因此她说道两人彼此坦诚是很重要的。“通常一个人感到被爱的时候另一个往往感受不到。找到适合你们俩的方式将有助于恋人的情感关系稳固，同时还会免去以后更大的麻烦，”她说道。
2) How much debt do you have?
2）你负债多少？
It's a topic you think would be covered — credit card debt, student loans, etc. are all pretty important numbers to know seeing as, ya know, you take on the debt your partner has when you get hitched. But "it's one of the elephants in the room that isn't discussed, and I've seen it blindside couples all the time," says Fields. She describes it as often being treated like a don't ask, don't tell situation, but just like that policy was repealed, so should this one. "There's a lot of shame associated with money, but every fear that comes up or any conflict is an opportunity to create more intimacy and a stronger bond," adds Fields. "It's important to be able to say, 'Here's my truth, this is how much money I owe, let's make a plan together for tackling this.'"
你认为这是一个应该涵盖信用卡债务、学生贷款等问题的话题，这些都是十分重要的数字问题，因为当你和对象结婚时，这些就是你们要一起偿还的债务了。但是“这是盲人摸象的问题，每个人摸到的都是不同的部位，很多夫妻的弱点就是债务问题，”菲尔兹说道。她描述道：人们通常认为这是一个不要问、不要说清楚处于什么情形的问题，就像政策被废除一样，这一条也该废除。“与金钱相关的问题会引起很多不好意思回答的事情，但每一次恐惧或任何的冲突实则都是机会，一个更加亲密以及情感更加牢固的机会，”菲尔兹补充道。“能够这样说是很重要的，‘说实话，我有这么多外债，我们一起制定计划来解决这个问题吧。’”
Whatever you do, don't lie about the amount of debt you're in, even if it comes from a shameful place (ie: a gambling or shopping addiction). Fields says she's worked with people who are secretly $20-30,000 in debt; that's not a situation you want to put yourself in despite trying to shield your partner from less-than-ideal conditions.
不管你做什么，千万别对自己欠下的债务金额撒谎，即使欠债的理由很丢脸（即：赌博或购物上瘾而欠下的债务）。菲尔兹说有些顾客会偷偷欠债20——30,000美元；就算你不想让另一半卷入这一不甚理想的情境，但你也不会想要私下欠债这么多吧。
